


Buttercup

by kryxzgaming



Series: Buttercup Trilogy [1]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, im sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 15:42:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 70,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14937152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryxzgaming/pseuds/kryxzgaming
Summary: lukas is tired, afraid, and unprepared. he's spontaneous and insecure and wants to smile more but doesn't want to fake it.john is afraid that there'll be no light- that he'll always be stuck in his head, in his thoughts. he'd rather be anywhere else.they're hurting, but they help each other- whether they realize it or not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> chapter one of buttercup has horrible writing but it gets better as you read further, i promise <3

**lukas**  
  


"Lukas! Up and at 'em, boy! Come on, man, you're two weeks away from winter break- don't let the school year get you down!"

The loud voice of my mother and her rapid knocks on my door woke me from my slumber.

With a loud sigh and a dreary voice, I responded to her. "I'm up, I'm up!"

"Good! I've got breakfast on the table downstairs- don't take too much time though, you won't want to be late!"

"Got it, Mom!" I waited until I heard the sound of her footsteps walking away from the door to push myself up. I yawned, stretching and rubbing my eyes.

"Fuck. It's Monday." I groaned, and shoved my face into my hands. I sat there like that for a while, just sitting- not even thinking. Eventually I got my lazy ass up and stumbled to my closet for some clothes, after turning my lights on. I raked my hands through the numerous shirts and sweaters before I found one I liked the most. It was a sweater of sorts, with red, blue, green and yellow segments. I threw on a pair of checkered pants and tossed the sweater on, then slipped on some white Vans.

I bounded to my mirror and checked to make sure my face looked somewhat decent and, deciding it was good enough, slipped my backpack onto my shoulders and grabbed my phone. I made sure to flip the lights off before leaving my room and shutting the door behind me.

I bounded down the stairs with another yawn. Yet another night of no sleep- well, maybe an hour, at most. It's fine though, I was used to it. I mean, it's not really fine and is totally unhealthy, but why should I care? I'll live with it.

I already am.

I made my way to the kitchen and sat down in my usual seat, a bit surprised when I didn't see my dad at the seat across from me. "Why isn't Dad here?" I glanced at my mom, who quickly turned to place a glass of orange juice in front of me. I gave her a thankful  _hmm_  as I lifted the glass to take a sip from it.

"He had an early start to work today- it's like overtime, but.. before his usual hours. We really do need the money, y'know." I frowned as I lowered the glass and licked my lips, glancing at her again.

"I- I can get a job. And I can keep doing this YouTube stuff, Mom! It'll help, I promise." I lifted my fork and used it to cut into my eggs, then stabbed the piece I had cut off and put it in my mouth.

As I ate, I listened to her talk. She seemed agitated. "Lukas, I don't think this YouTube stuff is good for you. Don't think I haven't noticed your lack of sleep, hon."

I sighed and placed my fork down, glancing at the time on my watch. Shit, I'd have to go soon. I chugged down the rest of my juice and scarfed down another egg before hurriedly standing up and walking over to my mom. "I've got this handled, Mom. Don't worry about me."

She opened her mouth to say something, but instead shook her head and pulled me in for a hug. "I will always worry about you, Smitty. You're my boy." I smiled and hugged her back, then eventually pulled away and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I know I am. I gotta go to school, don't want to be late. Love you!" I quickly turned and made my way to the door.

"Love you too! Be safe, hon!" 

 

•

 

As I made my way closer to Hell, I noticed a guy ahead of me with his arms wrapped around another dude. I couldn't tell if they were dating or not, but then it definitely seemed like they were when he leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Damn. They were both pretty attractive, too. What the fuck? Why does literally every person at this school have to be in a relationship?

I turned my music up louder and sighed. Another guy ran across the street, almost getting hit by a fucking car, and started yelling at the other two. I couldn't tell what he was saying, but it wasn't harmful or anything- it was obvious that he was joking around, as if they were friends. I kept walking, and paid more attention to the loud dude than I probably should have. He had blonde hair- probably dyed- and a dope ass fashion sense, if I was looking at him right. Damb. He was.. cute.

Fuck, Smitty. Shut the fuck up- stop obsessing over strangers.

Even though I tried my best to ignore the thoughts as they sprung up into my mind, I found that I couldn't tear my eyes off of him. He was reckless, obviously- from the way he ran across the street like that- and when I looked closer, I thought I recognized him.

Shit, isn't that the one guy- the cool guy? I know absolutely nothing about this school or the people in it cause I don't pay attention, but I think I've heard enough just by overhearing conversations to make the connection that this guy was popular.

A popular guy.. with gay friends..? Was I hearing this right?

Shit, I really shouldn't get attached then. If he's popular, he won't want anything to do with me.

As I came to this conclusion, I realized that I'd reached the front entrance to Hell. I sighed and turned, making my way toward the doors. I felt eyes on me and shoved my hands deeper into my pockets, turning the music up on my phone.

We weren't allowed to listen to music in class but I had a feeling this was going to be a shitty day, so I didn't take my headphones off even as I made my way to my locker.

I quickly put the combination in and threw the door open, grabbing my books and heading to my first period class- it was my least favorite class, actually. It was science, which is usually my favorite class, but my dumbass teacher has no idea what he's teaching though and we jump from subject to subject. I think he's also got something against me.

I walked into the classroom and made my way to the back, plopping my books down on the desk where I usually sit. I slid into the seat and waited for class to start. I sighed and slid my arm onto the desk, resting my face on my hand.

Soon enough, Mr. Fuckface (I had no idea what his last name was, all I knew was that it started with an F) walked into the room and cleared his voice. "Alright, kiddos! Who's ready for an exciting start to the day? Science!"

Nobody said anything and I could literally feel the emptiness of emotion in the room. With a frown he slowly made his way to his desk and pulled out some papers, "Alright, well.. don't let me ruin your happy mood or anything.. Uhm, we'll start class by reviewing what we did yesterday."

Practically everyone groaned at that. It was the worst fucking part of the class, cause he graded us on if we could answer random questions he gave out. Half of the shit we didn't even learn the other day.

I turned my music up, but sat up straighter to make it seem like I was paying attention. He usually calls on the poor, innocent and unsuspecting victims who aren't listening.

Mr. F chuckled and sat down on the chair in front of the room, spinning in it a bit. "Come on now, it's not all that bad, is it?"

No response.

"Alright, whatever. What have we got here... hmm. Jack, do you remember what the formula for..."

At that point I didn't fucking care anymore, I just couldn't bare to hear his voice. I put my head down and shut my eyes. I wasn't going to fall asleep, but I had a headache and just needed to rest for a bit.

"...Lukas. Lukas! Hey, buddy, you awake there?"

I jumped a bit at my voice being called and my head shot up. Everyone laughed and I sighed, pausing my music. "It's, um, it's Smitty, preferably.. but yes, sir?"

"I was just asking if you know who invented the theorem of relativity? It's disappointing that I have to repeat that question- you should have been paying attention."

Biting back a remark, I frowned. "Sorry, Mr. F. Won't happen again. Um, Einstein did, if I'm correct."

Mr. F tilted his head, "I don't know, Lukas,  _are_ you correct?"

I slowly blinked. "...You're the teacher, Mr. F. Shouldn't you know if I'm correct or not?"

Mr F. sat up a bit, "Alright, bit of a bite on this lad.. hmmph." I squinted my eyes a bit, wondering what the fuck was going through this guy's head. "You are correct."

I sighed and leaned back in my seat, thankful that it was over.

"But can you tell me what it's about?"

Do I look like Einstein to you?

The class laughed. Oh shit. I said that out loud.

"Excuse me, Lukas?" Mr. Fuckface stood up from his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face smiling and watching- the guy from earlier! I noticed that he was wearing rings and had his nails painted. Holy shit, that guy is fucking awesome.

"Lukas! Wake up, boy!" He started making his way towards my desk.

Fucking hell.

"Call me Smitty, please.. and, I- uh- don't remember what the theory is about." I cocked my head towards his direction and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Well, you should. You seem so wrapped up in focusing on everybody else that I imagine you could focus on me for a few seconds." He frowned.

I went to apologize, then furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "..Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?"

"You think I didn't see you staring at that boy?" Mr. Fuckface raised an eyebrow.

I felt my face heat up, but sat up in my seat again. "Oh, wow. I'm sorry, I was looking in the general direction of somebody who happens to be in this room. What do you want me to do, stare at you the whole period? Nobody wants to be subjected to that, Mr. F."

"How dare you, Lukas! You better apologize right now unless you want to head down to the principal's office this instant." He barked, and slammed his hand down on my desk. I could practically feel the flames radiating off of him.

"Jesus.. do you have anger issues, Mr. F? Also, how many times have I told you to call me Smitty? You know, for a teacher who's probably been doing this for at least twenty fucking years, you'd think they'd understand that a teacher-student relationship is based on  _mutual_ respect."

Nobody said anything, but I could tell they were impressed. I was the quiet kid- I never said anything. But I was fucking pissed.

Truth be told, I don't think it was Mr. F's fault. I mean, it was, but everything I was holding in- my tiredness, the stress, the emotions over that one boy, the whole YouTube thing, the lack of money.. I couldn't fucking deal.

"Prinicipal's office. Now, Lukas!"

I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder, then picked up my books. "Gladly. Anywhere is better than in this classroom."

I walked away from my seat and towards the door, then stopped in front of it.

"What is it now, Lukas?"

"Oh, Einstein's theory of relativity? In it, he determines that the laws of physics are the same for all non-accelerating observers. But I think it deserves a new definition- produced by Mr. F himself." I smiled. "Think of it, Mr F. The theory of relativity: Mr. F determines that you're only an asshole to those who you personally think deserve it, and anyone related to the kids you despise gets the punishment too. Have a great day, Mr. Fuckface."

I suddenly heard a loud "FUCK YEAH" and I turned to see that it was the kid from earlier. Everyone started cheering, then with a smile on my face, I left the room.

Maybe today will be shitty.

But I don't know, it started out pretty nice.


	2. Chapter 2

**john**

 

Holy shit. That kid, Lukas- Smitty- Whatever the fuck he wanted to be called, deserved to have his name heard.

As I watched him approach the door, I couldn't wipe the huge grin off of my face. As he spoke his last words, I decided to encourage him. "FUCK YEAH!" I shouted, grinning.

His eyes caught mine and he smiled, then everyone in the room started clapping. As he left the room, I couldn't tear my eyes away from where he once stood.

Those were the most beautiful fucking eyes I had ever seen in my entire life.

His left eye was a blue, a sort of navy blue of sorts. It wasn't bright or anything, I mean it shone with happiness but the iris itself was dark. And his other eye was red. Dark, but not too dark, red. 

And his smile..? Holy shit. Holy shit!

Lukas.. god damn. You are one handsome motherfucker.

I glanced at Mr. F and I watched as he made his way back to his desk, then sat down in it and rested his face in his hands. I chuckled a bit watching his defeated stance.

Mr. F was a total dick. Oh wait, sorry, his name is Mr. Fuckface, almost forgot. As I shifted in my seat to pull out the homework from last night, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I blinked and spun around, meeting eyes with a friend.

Craig had his face held up with his hands and was wearing what I could only describe as a shit-eating grin. He raised his eyebrows and I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"Craig, no, I don't have a fucking crush on him." I sighed.

He chuckled and shook his head, "John, you looked like a fucking deer caught in headlights. It's like you'd never seen someone mediocrely attractive before."

"Mediocrely? Did you even fucking see him?" I paused, realizing my defense of his looks wasn't helping my stance. I rolled my eyes, "Whatever, shithead. I have a girlfriend."

Craig sighed. "Yeah, and your girlfriend is a total fucking bitch."

I frowned. "Hey!" However, I didn't apply an effort to defend her. He was right.

"She's a homophobic airhead, who's probably a fucking lesbian which is why she can't look you in the eyes when you compliment her." He shrugged, flipping through his notes to find what we had done yesterday.

"You don't think I know that, Craig? I've seen the way she looks at girls before. I just.. I like her, still. I really do." Even though I said this, I couldn't feel what I was saying. Instead I felt a pang of guilt, cause I knew I wasn't being totally honest.

"John, she got wasted once and tried punching Tyler in the face for kissing my fucking forehead. How can you be attracted to that?"

"She was wasted, like you said! She probably thought he was going to hurt you or something." I shrugged, offering a weak defense of her.

Craig slammed his book shut and propped his elbows up on it to scoot closer to me. "Are you even trying to defend the bitch?"

"Craig, fuck off, man. Don't call her a bitch." Even though I didn't approve of her actions, I didn't appreciate one of my best friends calling my girlfriend a bitch.

"Alright, look. I'm sorry man, I just don't want to see this end badly. Do you love her?" He rubbed the back of his neck, frowning.

"Love.. that's a strong word, Craig. Like, you love Tyler, right?" I raised an eyebrow, and watched as Craig nodded his head without skipping a beat.

"Of course! He's the love of my life, and I want to grow old with him, and-"

"Alright, I don't need a monologue. I don't love her like that. At least... not yet. I care about her though, okay?" I sighed and turned back around, slipping out the piece of paper that was my homework. At the same time, Mr. F stood up from his seat at his desk and made his way towards the front of the room again.

"Okay, John. I believe you. I just hope you believe yourself."

As Mr. F started talking, I couldn't focus on his words. I could only focus on what Craig said. 

 

•

 

I grabbed the paper bag out of my locker and shut it, heading down to the cafeteria. I scanned the hallways for any familiar faces, and eventually I saw the bright red and blue eyes that belonged to Lukas.

After a few moments worth of hesitation, I started to make my way towards him. However, a sudden tug on my arm stopped that from happening. "John, babe!"

I blinked and turned my head. Victoria stood there, hugging my arm to her chest. "Oh, hey sweetheart. You curled your hair today?"

I leaned over and kissed her forehead, and she shifted a bit. With a frown I pulled away, then quickly bit my lip to hide it as she glanced at me again.

"Yeah. Rebecca said she liked my hair when I curled it!" She smiled and perked up a bit as she mentioned the name of her best friend.

I think Craig was right.

"...Hey, can we talk?" I brought my arm down and grabbed her hand, then intertwined our fingers. Victoria frowned, and glanced at our hands, then up at my face.

"About what?" She asked, worry evident on her face.

"I just want to talk. In private, though, Vick. Is that okay?" I swung our hands a bit.

After a few moments of silence, she nodded. "Uh, yeah. Of course."

"Great." I squeezed her hand a bit in an attempt to calm her down, and made my way to a hallway that didn't have many kids in it. Eventually during the walk, she removed her hand from mine to put it in her pocket. I frowned, but shrugged it off.

I stopped next to a locker and glanced at her. "Okay, uh. First things first- you know I care about you, right? You know I care... a lot?"

"Of course I do, and I appreciate it so much, John!" Victoria nodded.

"Do you care about me? The same way that I care about you?" I watched as her lips slowly curled down into a frown, and I sniffled a bit, trying not to get all worked up. Man up, John, don't be a pussy. Don't you dare fucking cry, cause I'm going to be pissed if you do.

"Yeah.......?" It was slight, but I noticed the change in her voice at the end of the word, as if she was questioning herself if it was true.

I sighed and glanced away, cause I felt the tears coming. She doesn't need to see me cry.

"Why are you homophobic?" I questioned.

She went quiet at that, not responding at all.

"Is it.. is it because you don't think you can like girls? And if.. if you see anyone else being happy with the same gender, you get jealous?"

I tried blinking the tears away, but they ended up coming anyways, and soon enough a tear streamed down my face. I sniffled and glanced at her. She was staring at me with a guilty expression.

"....I'm so sorry, John."

I coughed a bit, then let a weak smile escape my lips. "It's okay. I want you to be happy."

Victoria bit her lip, then reached her arms out in front of her and hugged me. I hugged her back, biting down on my lower lip hard to keep myself from crying even harder.

"Go be happy with her, Vicky. You deserve it."

She pulled away from me and nodded. "I will. I will! I- I'm sorry."

I shook my head, and blinked rapidly to prevent another tear from falling- it did anyways, however. "Don't be."

She nodded, then reached up to press a kiss to my forehead. It was a goodbye kiss, and a thank you kiss. She smiled, then walked away.

As soon as she disappeared from sight, I crumpled against the wall and sobbed.

I guess I really did care about her. 

 

•

 

As I approached the table, I saw everyone's head shoot up.

"John, holy shit. Are you okay?" Brian's voice was the first I heard. I shook my head and sat down next to an open spot beside Craig, then sniffled.

Craig glanced at me, and at once realization spread across his face. "You broke up with her, didn't you?"

"You- uh, you were, you were right. She likes girls." I rubbed my eye, frowning when Brock slapped my hand to put it down. I did, however. Rubbing them would make them itch even more, which would make me rub them more- I had a problem with that, rubbing my eyes till I could barely see.

Everyone at the table frowned.

"I'm sorry, man." Evan scratched at the back of his neck.

"It's- it's okay, guys. I just want her to be happy, and.. obviously she can't be happy with me." As I said that, my lip quivered and I felt my eyes tearing up again.

Craig sighed and pulled me into his arms, allowing me to sob into him. I could feel everyone's eyes on me.

Luckily our table was at the back of the room, cause if anyone who wasn't one of my friends saw me break down like this, I'd be the biggest joke at the school.

Maybe Lukas could see me like that, but that was about it.

Lukas. Oh shit!

I sprung out of Craig's arms and wiped the tears off of my face, then glanced at everyone. "Did anyone hear what Smitty did?"

Everyone sort of stared at me, frowning. Craig rolled his eyes. "Wait, Craig was telling me about him. Is that the one guy in your science class?" Tyler tilted his head a bit, and I nodded.

"Did Craig tell you what he did today? He's a fucking legend, guys!" I threw my hands up. Craig tossed a thoughtful look at Tyler, who then chuckled a bit.

"We barely know who he is. Tell us, man!"

"Fuck yeah!" I excitedly began telling them the story of what Smitty did earlier today, in science.

 

•

 

"Then I shouted FUCK YEAH really loudly and the class cheered, and he smiled, then he left. It was so fucking cool! Mr. Fuckface looked so depressed once Smitty left the class!" I laughed. By now, my tears were dried and I was in a much better mood than I was in when I had entered the cafeteria.

David- or Daithi, as we often called him- clapped. "Fuck yeah! He sounds fucking awesome, John!"

"I know! He's so cool!" I grinned.

"Have you talked to him at all?" Brock raised an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, uh, no. I'm not worth his time. He's probably busy hanging out with all of his friends. A guy like that has to have dozens of friends." I nodded.

Brian rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck off, John. Just talk to the boy, it's not like he's going to hate you or something. He doesn't have any reason to."

"What? I'm just being honest." I shrugged. Tyler started to say something, but I found myself stop paying attention as my eyes caught sight of the familiar heterochromatic ones. Smitty entered the room with a pissed off look on his face, and he made his way to the vending machine taking his time. One of the staff members was following him, an impatient look on her face. He was probably eating lunch in the principals office. As I watched him dig into his pocket, the lady grew increasingly more impatient. He soon turned and looked at the lady with a frown. He didn't have any money on him.

"Money. Someone give me money!" I shouted.

Everyone looked at me, then I pointed in the direction of Smitty. As they glanced at him, they all made the connection.

"The kid needs money? Since when do you-" Brock began to speak, before Craig interrupted him.

"That's Smitty, boys."

"Ohhhhhh." Everyone sort of muttered it at once. I chuckled a bit, then grinned as Brock threw a ten dollar bill at me. I squeezed him into a hug,

"Thanks Brock I love you so much I'll totally pay you back!" Without waiting for a reply, I let go of him, then stood up and quickly made my way to the vending machine. I didn't walk too fast, though- I didn't want to make it weird.

As I approached the vending machine, I could hear him talking. "I don't know where it went, ma'am. I had the money on me, but now it's gone."

"Lukas-"

"Smitty."

"...Smitty, I don't know what to tell you. I guess you're not eating lunch today, young man."

I frowned and cleared my throat. "Did someone mention no lunch?"

They both spun around and looked at me. The lady stared at me, unimpressed, but Smitty's eyes widened a bit.

"Yes. This young man has no money and is therefore not eating lunch today." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Why do you care, John?"

"Wait, you know who I am?" I furrowed my eyebrows, weirded out a bit.

"You're the most popular kid at this school. Of course I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are."

Smitty shifted a bit, frowning. I glanced at him, then back at the lady. "Okay, uh, that's a little weird. Anyways, I have money- I can pay for his lunch."

The lady stared at me, then sighed. "Fine, whatever. Lukas, I'll be waiting outside. Hurry up." With that, she walked outside of the room.

Smitty looked at me and reached his hand out for me to shake. "Uh. Thank you, uh, John. I appreciate it. My name's Lukas, but uh, call me-"

"Smitty, I know." I reached forward and shook his hand, then soon dropped it. "It's nice finally getting to talk to you, what you did this morning was fucking awesome."

He smiled a bit. I felt a bit of nervousness claw at my torso. His smile was so pretty.

"Thank you. I didn't start my day with the intention of cussing Mr. F. out, but it is what it is, I suppose." He shrugged a bit.

I nodded. "I'm probably going to call him Mr. Fuckface for the rest of the school year. That's such a genius name, I can't believe I didn't think of it."

Smitty nodded. "Thanks. By the way, uh- I'm sort of on a time restraint here, so if you do have the money...?"

"Oh shit, yeah. My bad." I pulled the ten dollars out of my pocket and handed it to him. "Sorry it's not much, it was all I had."

"Oh no, it's okay. Really, thanks man." He smiled and took it, then started pressing buttons on the vending machine.

"Yeah, well uh. It was nice meeting you, dude." I nodded.

He blinked and glanced up at me, smiling. "You too, for sure."

His eyes were so fucking gorgeous. I couldn't shift my gaze off of them.

"John? John, buddy? You okay there?"

I blinked and nodded. "Yeah, sorry. It's just, your eyes... they're beautiful."

I watched his face go red and felt my cheeks heat up as well. I just fucking called his eyes beautiful!

"Oh well anyways I've gotta get back to my table, have a good day pretty- I mean Smitty!!"

I very quickly walked the fuck away.

What was this beautiful motherfucker doing to me?


	3. Chapter 3

**lukas**

 

After the shitfest that was first period, I spent the rest of the day in the principals office. I was really close to a suspension, but because it was my first offense, I got off with a week's worth of detention.

Really would have preferred the dumb fucking suspension.

Anyways, I wasn't allowed to go to any of my classes for that day. They were worried I'd lash out at another teacher. Maybe if they didn't hire dumbasses as teachers, I wouldn't have to lash out at anyone.

But whatever. Currently I was heading to the cafeteria to eat. Well, to get food and then go back to the principals office, which pissed me the fuck off. Apparently I couldn't be trusted to eat on my own. What is that bullshit?

As I dug into my pocket, looking for the cash I had kept in there from this morning, I could feel Ms. Whatever-her-name-was judging me.

"Ms.....W, could you stop staring at me like that? It makes me sort of uncomfortable." I glanced at her and she didn't even blink.

"...I need to make sure you don't break this vending machine." She mumbled with a monotonous voice.

I stood up a bit, staring at her with what was probably a dumbass look. Was she serious?

"I got mad at a teacher. It doesn't mean I'm on a warpath, Ms. W." I mumbled.

"Whatever, Lukas."

"It's Smitty. Please, call me Smitty."

"Where's your money? Please hurry up so I don't have to watch you any longer."

I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. Ouch. Way to be an asshole, lady.

"I don't have it." I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Don't know where it went."

"What is that supposed to be mean, Lukas?" She narrowed her eyes at me. I sighed,

"I don't know where it went, ma'am. I had the money on me but now it's gone."

"Lukas-" Jesus, stop calling me that!

"Smitty." I mumbled.

"...Smitty, I don't know what to tell you. I guess you're not eating lunch today, young man."

I went to say something before I heard a voice behind me. "Did someone mention no lunch?"

We both spun around and glanced at who had spoken. When I looked at him, my eyes widened a bit. That was the cute guy from earlier! Why do I keep bumping into him?

"Yes. This young man has no money and is therefore not eating lunch today." Ms. W spoke. "Why do you care, John?"

His name is John? That suits him really well.

"Wait, you know who I am?" John furrowed his eyebrows, seeming a bit confused.

"You're the most popular kid at this school. Of course I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are." Ms. W muttered without skipping a beat.

I was right! He was popular, of course! But... he doesn't seem like that big of a jackass. Maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions like that. You're such a dumbass, Smitty.

I shifted a bit, frowning. I need to stop being so judgmental. I watched as he glanced at me, then focused his attention back on Ms. W. "Okay, uh, that's a little weird. Anyways, I have money- I can pay for his lunch."

No fucking way was this guy going to buy my lunch. No way!

The lady was quiet for a bit before she sighed. "Fine, whatever. Lukas, I'll be waiting outside. Hurry up." I frowned a bit as I heard her call me by my actual name.

Turning my attention towards John, I felt my heart speed up a bit as I met his eyes. I quickly glanced down and stretched my hand out. "Uh. Thank you, uh, John." Dumbass, stop stuttering. "I appreciate it. My name's Lukas, but uh, call me-"

John cut me off. "Smitty, I know." Damb, he paid that much attention to me? I don't think that's ever happened before. Feeling a little happier, I watched as he reached forward and took my hand, then shook it. Soon enough he dropped it and spoke.

"It's nice finally getting to talk to you, what you did this morning was fucking awesome."

I smiled a bit as I heard his words. He remembered that? "Thank you. I didn't start the day with the intention of cussing out Mr. F, but it is what it is, I suppose." I shrugged a bit. Now I'm glad that it happened, cause if it hadn't, would I be talking to John right now?

He nodded at me. "I'm probably going to call him Mr. Fuckface for the rest of the school year. That's such a genius name, I can't believe I didn't think of it."

Hell fucking yeah. Getting to know this guy is making my day. I just hope this isn't all for the sake of a first impression and that he's always like this, cause... I like his personality. A lot.

I nodded, then realized Ms. W. was still waiting. "Thanks. By the way, uh- I'm sort of on a time restraint here, so if you do have the money...?"

"Oh shit, yeah. My bad." He pulled a dollar out of his pocket and handed it to me. "Sorry it's not much, it was all I had."

Shit, ten bucks? Fuck yeah, man. This can get me two bags of Doritos and a 16 ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper. It wasn't real food, but it would do.

"Oh no, it's okay. Really, thanks man." I smiled and took it, then started pressing the right buttons on the vending machine so I could get my food.

"Yeah, well uh. It was nice meeting you, dude." He spoke. I blinked, and glanced up at him, smiling. I really fucking liked him. Not like that, or anything, but.. well. Whatever.

"You too, for sure."

I noticed that he didn't immediately reply. Instead he was focused on my eyes. Well shit, there goes that. He probably thinks I'm a fucking weirdo. Anyways, I better snap him out of it.

"John? John, buddy? You okay there?"

He blinked and nodded at me. "Yeah, sorry. It's just, your eyes... they're beautiful."

My face must have gone red so fucking quickly. Did he just call my eyes beautiful? I felt a wave of happiness hit me in the heart. It.. why would he do that? I watched as his face went red, too.

"Oh well anyways I've gotta get back to my table, have a good day pretty- I mean Smitty!!" John spit out his words and offered a quick, awkward smile before he turned and quickly walked away.

He called me pretty.

He thought I was pretty?

My face was still red as I watched him walk to his table, where his friends greeted him with grins.

I quickly went to put the cash in the vending machine, my mind still focused on his words, when I noticed writing on the bill. It was a number.

 

_1-209-000-7864_   
_Call me._   
_-John :)_

 

I felt my face turn even more red and I hurriedly grabbed a pen from my pocket and scribbled the number down onto my hand. With a grin, I put the dollar in and retrieved my snacks.

I don't have a crush. He's just a cute boy with a cute smile and a cute personality.

Stop it, Smitty. He probably has a girlfriend or something anyways.

With a sigh, I left and made my way towards the exit, where Ms. W was waiting.  
  


•  
  


I walked inside with a quiet sigh. My parents would probably be wondering why I was home so late.

"Erick, it was his first time messing up! He's under a lot of stress, be sympathetic to your son! Your only son, at that!" I heard my mom shouting with a tired voice. I paused in the room and listened.

"Fiona. He cussed out a teacher! He's got a week's worth of detention!" That was my dad. Well, I guess I didn't need to explain why I was late.

With a sigh I walked in the room. "My teacher is an asshole. Hi mom, hi dad. I'm going to my room. I have homework."

"Smitty, language!" My mom frowned.

"Lukas, we have to talk." There was my dad with his stern voice.

"No can do. Sorry pops. Lots of stuff due tomorrow. I'll be down for dinner. Love you guys." I quickly sprinted up the stairs and made my way to my room, then shut the door behind me. I tossed my backpack onto the floor and jumped onto my bed, sighing.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started scrolling through Twitter. A few people tweeted at me saying I should start collabing with people in my videos. I suppose that's a good idea, but.. who would I collab with? I don't know any YouTubers.

Well I mean, there's a few people- this one guy, Kryoz, is fucking hilarious- but what would they want to do with me? Nah. I'd figure it out.

I glanced at my hand and noticed the number on it. Oh shit, John! I quickly went into my messages and added a new contact, naming it "johnnn."

My heart started speeding up a bit and I wasn't sure why, but I figured I'd text him anyways. Worst case scenario, I have the wrong number.

**me, 4:03: hey, is this john?**

I tossed my phone to the side and sighed, rubbing my face. What was I thinking, texting the coolest boy in school? Not expecting a reply, I leaned forward and unzipped my backpack, then started pulling out my science books. I didn't really have any homework, cause I didn't go to my classes, but I didn't finish my science homework from Friday. I had put all the science crap on my bed when I heard my phone go off. I blinked a bit, then picked it up.

**johnnn, 4:05: ..it depends. who's this? are you a stalker? cause if you are then no idk who john is** **.** **never heard of a john in my whole life**

**me, 4:05: ..it's smitty**

**johnnn, 4:06: oh. cool. how the fuck did you get my number, bro? wait, ARE you a stalker?**

**me, 4:06: it was on the bill you gave me??**

**johnnn, 4:07: i'm going to murder brock**

**me, 4:08: who's that? and why? huh?**

**johnnn, 4:08: he's my friend. i borrowed the money from him to give to you and ig he wrote my number on it, lol**

**me, 4:08: oh, okay. why? also does that mean that you saw me without money before you even went to the vending machine?**

He didn't text back for a while, so I shrugged it off and started working on my homework. I couldn't explain why, but I had a.. fuzzy feeling, while I talked to him. The way he texted perfectly reflected his personality.

I couldn't take my mind off of how he called me pretty earlier. And he said my eyes were beautiful. My eyes are so fucking gross. It's like I'm wearing 3-D glasses except they got embedded into my irises. And I hate 3-D glasses. They're so fucking inconvenient. Don't even get me started.

I blinked a bit when my phone went off again. I glanced over and picked it up, feeling, well.... fuck it! Butterflies. I felt butterflies as I read who texted me.

**johnnn, 4:13: yeah yeah... i was trying to be a nice guy, okayyyy? and idk why, i think he just wanted me to make more friends. he's a weird guy. but he's cool. also, sorry i didn't text back right away, i zoned out for a bit there**

**me, 4:14: it's ok!! just glad you came back to text me. i'd be dying of boredom if i wasn't able to talk to you**

**johnnn, 4:14: ?? don't you have other friends to talk to? i mean, i'm flattered, truly, but you seem like the guy who has a shit ton of friends. i'm a little jealous**

I laughed a bit as I read his text. If only I had friends.

**me, 4:15: awh, don't be jealous, johnny boy :) but no, truth be told you're the first friend i've made this whole school year**

**johnnn, 4:16: are you fucking with me?**

**me, 4:16: hey, it's a little too early to start talking about sex, bb. but maybe soon. and no i'm not**

**johnnn, 4:17: shit, i didn't take you for the flirtatious type. and really? you're super cool, how has nobody befriended you?**

I blushed a bit as I read his text. Is he fucking with me? I'm the lamest kid that has ever existed.

**me, 4:18: ...are you the one that is fucking with me, now?**

**johnnn, 4:19: lmao... ;) no, you're really cool imho. we should hang out sometime**

**me, 4:20: it's 4:20!!!!!!!!!!! BlAZE it!!! but also yeah, we should. i'm free whenever**

**johnnn, 4:20: hell yeah 420 bay-bee!!! and.. are you free today? cause we could go hang out. i can pick you up**

I felt myself start to grin. Hanging out with John seemed like an awesome time.

**me, 4:21: yeah i am. might need to persuade my parents- ah, fuck it. i'll tell them i have a project due tomorrow and i need to work on it w/ a friend**

**johnnn, 4:22: dope! text me your address and i'll be there ASAP**

Once I sent John my address, I finished up my homework and tossed everything back into my backpack. I walked over to the mirror and fixed my hair up a bit, paying way more attention to it than I had in the morning.

Once I was satisfied, I grabbed some cash out of my little piggy bank and sprinted down the stairs. "Hey, parental units? My friend is coming over to pick me up, we've got a project due in ELA tomorrow. All the stuff is at his place cause we started it last week in class and he took the rest home."

My dad gave me a suspecting look, but my mom smiled and walked over to me. "Okay, Smitty! Have fun, and be safe, okay?"

A car horn went off in the front of my house and my phone went off.

"That must be him. Gotta go. Love you! I probably won't be back for dinner, but save me some just in case!" I quickly turned and sprinted out the front door.

Sure enough, there was a blue pickup truck right in front of the house, and in the driver's seat was a smiling John. "Get in, loser!" He called.

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled and made my way to the car. He opened the door for me, and I offered a bow. "Thank you, kind sir." I hopped in and shut the door. "Sweet ride, by the way."

"Aw, thanks. You ready?"

"Yeah, where are we going?" John started up the car and drove off.

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out."


	4. Chapter 4

**lukas**

 

The car ride to wherever we were going was fun. John kept making me laugh, and we also had beautiful sights to see. We were way out of the city by now, but it was still bright and sunny outside. There were still patches of snow on the ground, though.

"John, are we almost there yet?" I glanced at him, and watched as he smiled.

"Why? You already tired of me? We can turn around, Mr. Smitty, if you really want." He raised an eyebrow.

"No! I'm just.. curious. And a little impatient. That's a problem of mine, not being patient enough."

"Me too. You're not alone there. But we're like five minutes away, so you can chill now. By the way, you can roll the window down if you want." He snuck a glance in my direction and offered a smile.

"Okay. And hey, dumbass, eyes on the road!" I chuckled a bit and watched as he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, we just started getting to know each other! Don't turn this into an abusive relationship, Smithers." John smiled, and made a turn to the left.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, Johnny boy." I turned to roll the window down, but I saw his face go a bit red when I called him that. I smiled a bit, and rolled the window down.

"Let's ask each other some questions. Get to know each other better?" John suggested, humming a bit.

"Sure! I'll start. Uh... do you smoke or anything?" I asked, staring directly at him.

"Don't smoke, but I vape. Also, quit staring at me- you're distracting the driver." He chuckled a bit, glancing at me.

"Oh, but you love it though. And fair enough- I've never vaped though. Definitely won't ever smoke, though." I shifted and stared at the road in front of us.

"Hmm.. yeah, I totally love it." He muttered, sarcastically. "Anyways- have you... ever worn make-up? And if not, would you?"

"I mean, I've worn make-up for like, Halloween and stuff. But other than that, I haven't. I think I would though, if I wanted to. Wait, does nail polish count? Cause I've always wanted to paint my nails. My parents, though.. I don't think they'd like that very much." I frowned a bit as I glanced down at my hands. I could imagine the little blue and red colors on them- the colors I've always wanted to do them.

"Wait, really? I have a shit ton of nail polish- I could paint your nails!" John grinned as he made a right. I instantly shot up.

"Wait, really? Like, you're not fucking around? Cause I'd love that." I smiled- a real, genuine smile. Not that my other smiles weren't genuine, but the idea of him painting my nails.. not only did it make my heart flutter, it made me happy. It would make little 8-year old Lukas cry tears of joy.

"Hell yeah! We can do it when we get there after we do some other things first. I always carry my nail polish with me- in case of emergency. Actually, I need to redo my nails, to be honest." He lifted his right hand off of the steering wheel for a few moments and waved it around. He had painted it black and gold colors, but it was mostly chipped off.

"I think I'll just get the rest of it off and paint them a new set of colors. I have like, every color, by the way, so don't worry. What colors were you thinking of doing?" He put his hand back on the wheel.

"Oh, um.. red and blue. Like my eyes, y'know?" I chuckled a bit.

"Damn. Good idea. And yeah, I can do that. I think I have some shades that match your eyes pretty well- you can choose them, though, of course." John smiled, and soon enough the car came to a stop. I glanced around and realized we were in front of a playground, with some picnic tables and pretty flowers scattered everywhere.

"Holy.. shit. This place is gorgeous. How'd you find it? It's in the middle of nowhere!" I turned and glanced back at John.

"Oh. I went for a ride one day to take my mind off of things and found this place. It's sort of been my comfort zone ever since. You're the only one who I've told about this though, so.." He glanced down.

"That means a lot to me, John. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." I smiled. "Now come on! Let's go!" I excitedly undid my seat-belt and opened the car door, then slipped out and shut it. I waited, standing next to the door and watching as John got out, then walked to the trunk. He opened it up and pulled out a bag, then shut the trunk again.

"This is the nail polish, but we can do that after some other stuff." He smiled, then offered his hand to me. "Shall we?"

I grinned and took his hand, and we swung our arms between us as we walked. Our fingers weren't intertwined, but I felt my heartbeat increase anyways. This man.. I really wish I hadn't judged him so harshly at first.

As we made our way to the park, I sniffed a bit and noticed a scent coming off of John. He smelled like vanilla.. and something else. It was sort of citrusy. Oranges? I think it was oranges. It's a weird combination but it was really nice, and it suited him well.

"You smell nice," I murmured, glancing at him. He blinked a bit and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, really? Thanks. What do I smell like, dog piss?" He grinned as I started laughing.

"No, no. Really though, it's nice. You smell like vanilla.. and oranges. It sounds weird, but it suits you well."

"Oh. Well, thank you." John smiled at me and I felt my face heat up. His smile was so fucking pretty.

"Y-Yeah, of course." I nodded.

John squeezed my hand a bit and I felt myself heat up even more. We approached a picnic table and he set the bag down, then glanced around the park.

"Wanna go down the slides?" He glanced at me, smiling. My heart did backflips as his eyes met mine, but I nodded anyways.

"Fuck yeah!"

We both took off, sprinting towards the slides. He got there first, and climbed up the steps. He sat down, getting ready to take off, but I quickly wrapped my arms around his waist. "Together!!" 

He laughed and reached his arms around to grab my hands, then moved them so they were completely around him. I blushed, smiling.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Never been more ready, Captain!"

With that, John took off and we slid down the slide. It was actually a pretty long slide and resulted in both of us laughing our asses off. Once we reached the bottom, I let go of John and he got up. I leaned back on the slide and rested on it, staring at the sky. He glanced at me, and held a hand out. I took his hand and he helped me up.

"That.. was probably way more fun than it should've been for two high school juniors." I said, smiling. He nodded his agreement and wrapped an arm around my shoulders,

"But hey, I bet you most of our grade still wants to do stuff like this. They're probably too afraid to do it, though. So I'm glad I have a place to do it. I'm even happier I found someone to do it with." John smiled as he spoke, and I felt my face heat again.

"Well, I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. I'm really glad you came up to me today, cause I probably wouldn't have gone over to you. Y'know, social anxiety and.. stuff." I answered truthfully, and saw John blush a bit.

"I have anxiety too. Not social anxiety, but general anxiety. It's hard sometimes, to be honest." He frowned a bit.

"If you ever need anything, you can always come to me, John. I.. just started talking to you today but I feel like I've known you forever." I smiled, staring into his eyes as I spoke. I meant it, too. John made it so easy to trust him. He's obviously a really good person, and I've only known him for... ten hours, maybe.

"Same with you, Smitty. Anyways, let's go do your nails, okay? I want to do mine too." He smiled and we walked over to the picnic table. He started pulling out reds and blues, and soon enough I found the shades that I liked the most. I made sure to ask him if those matched my eyes good enough and he said they did.

"Hey, what if we did matching nails?" John suddenly piped up as he uncapped the red nail polish.

"What do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head a bit.

"Okay, so your left hand can be all red, but your index finger and your thumb can be blue. Your right hand can be all blue, but your index finger and your thumb can be red. For me, it'd be the opposite- mostly blue on my left hand, and mostly red on my right hand. However, we'd still be matching, and we'd look boss as fuck."

It took a few moments to register what he meant, like what colors on what hands, but once I did I instantly nodded my head. "Yes! Hell yes!"

John grinned and started painting my nails. It felt weird at first, but I soon got used to the feeling and took the moment to admire him. He had a look of concentration on his face as he focused on painting my nails, and it was fucking adorable. He made a little  _hmmph_  of success once he finished a nail and moved on to the other, and I couldn't get over it. It was like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and hug the man. He was so cute.

Soon enough, he finished my right hand and moved on to my left. As he painted those nails, I took the moment to glance at my right hand, and almost teared up. It was so cool! My nails had pretty colors. Fuck, how could I possibly express my gratitude?

"...and.. done! All done! Your nails are done, Smitty. Give your left hand a few moments to dry off though." John moved away from my hands and glanced at me. I was grinning.

"Thank you!" I practically yelled. I was so happy, and, well, thankful.

John smiled. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could do this for you, man."

"No, really, John. Thank you. It's a dumb thing to get emotional over but this means a lot to me. Thank you so much." I sniffled a bit.

"Awh, Smitty.. don't feel stupid for getting emotional over this. Obviously it means a lot to you." John smiled.

I watched as John started painting his nails. He had gotten rid of the other colors with something- I didn't know what it was. He made quick, long strokes and did his best to not miss any spots, while at the same time making sure to not get it on his skin. I was impressed.

Soon enough, he finished and started putting the nail polish away.

"John, are my nails dry yet?" I asked suddenly, blinking.

"..Yeah, they should be dry by now. My nail polish dries pretty qu-"

I cut him off before he could finish speaking because I slid out of my seat and into his to give him a hug. I felt butterflies flying around in my tummy as it happened, and I hugged him even tighter.

He hugged me back, and I felt my face heat up.

"Thanks, John."

"Of course."

I soon pulled away, rubbing my eye a bit. I didn't cry, but I had teared up a little.

"You can cry if you have to. I won't judge you." John glanced at me.

"Thanks, but I'm fine now." I nodded, and stood up.

John smiled, then pulled something out of his bag. "What's that?" I asked, watching him.

"Do you know how to dance, Smitty?" He raised an eyebrow, then slipped his phone out of his pocket.

I watched him, and tilted my head a bit. "God, no, of course I don't know how to dance. Why? Do you?"

"I like to think I know how to dance. Here, put my playlist on shuffle, and we'll dance to whatever comes up first. Fair warning, though.. there's some pretty sad songs on there. And some romantic songs too. I'm a total sucker for the songs that make your heart throb, if I'm being honest."

I chuckled, a little worried we'd end up getting a romantic song, but went ahead and set the playlist to shuffle on anyways.

And sure enough, we got a romantic song. Just my luck.

John, however, stood with a grin and held his hand out to me. "Shall we?"

"Fine, you idiot." I rolled my eyes, and took his hand. "I.. don't know how to dance, and I am definitely going to step on your feet multiple, multiple times."

John chuckled. "It's fine, I can lead you the way. You'll catch on quick enough."

He took my other hand and we started dancing. It started out slow at first, for my sake, and I felt a smile forming on my lips. Even though it was a romantic song, it wasn't like a slow song or anything, thank gosh. It was upbeat and happy-  _I Think I'm In Love,_  by Kat Dahlia, if I was correct.

As we danced, I found myself looking into John's eyes again. This time, he was looking into mine, too- there was really nowhere else to look. He smiled, and I smiled back. He hummed a bit of the song and I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing contently.

The butterflies were losing their shit, and I thought my heart was literally going to explode, but I was happy. He made me happy.

The song was over, eventually, and I frowned a bit as I pulled away from him. It was such a perfect moment, I didn't want it to end.

"We'll leave soon, Smitty- but there's two more things we have to do. It's getting dark, so we have to look at the stars, but.. hold on, stay here. I'll grab it from the car." John quickly ran to the car. I blinked, then sat down at the picnic table, watching him with a smile on my face.

Soon enough he grabbed whatever the fuck it was and made his way back to me. Once he got closer, I realized he had like.. three blankets, and a basket?

"Did you do what I think you did, John..?" I narrowed my eyes at him and watched as he grinned.

"Maybe?" He laid out one blanket on the grass, then tossed another blanket at me. "It's getting cold, huddle up."

I smiled and wrapped the blanket around me. John opened the basket and took out little tupperware containers that held a variety of foods, and spread them out on the blanket. Once he was done, he patted the spot next to him and I sat down there, smiling.

"Is this, like, a date now, John? Cause it feels like it is." I joked, glancing at him.

John hummed a bit and looked at me, smiling. "I mean... it's whatever you want it to be, Smitty." 

I blushed and glanced down at my hands. "What if I want it to be a date?"

"Then it's a date." He leaned over and lifted my head, forcing me to look at him.

I felt my face heat up even more.

"Come on, pretty. Let's eat." He smiled and dropped his hand, then started opening containers.

Holy shit.

I didn't think it was humanly possible for a face to feel this hot, but I think I just proved that it totally is.

I helped him open the rest of the containers and, out of the corner of my eyes, spotted a yellow flower. I paused and inspected it from where I sat. It was my favorite flower- a buttercup.

John noticed my pause and glanced at me, then followed my gaze to the buttercup. With a small smile, he stood up and walked over to it, then picked it up. He made his way back to me and sat down again.

"What flower is this?" He asked me, tilting his head a bit.

"It's a buttercup. It's my favorite flower." I smiled.

"It suits you." He smiled, then turned and moved my hair a bit to stick the flower above my ear. I blushed, and watched as he raked his eyes over my face. "Well, you're my favorite person.. so I guess you're my buttercup, Smitty."

I blushed again and rubbed the back of my neck, before suddenly leaning over and kissing his cheek. This time, it was his turn to blush, and I smiled as I watched his face go red.

"I'll gladly be your buttercup, John."


	5. Chapter 5

**john**

 

As I watched Smitty sit down, I smiled a bit. Soon, his words reached my ears.

"Is this, like, a date now, John? Cause I feel like it is." He glanced at me and spoke with a joking tone, but I smiled nonetheless.

I hummed a bit before I spoke, thinking. This boy meant so much to me.. and I had only met him today. "I mean... it's whatever you want it to be, Smitty." I decided, watching as he registered my words.

I watched him blush and he looked down at his hands. He had such pretty hands, and I had the honor of painting his nails. "What if I want it to be a date?"

"Then it's a date," I smiled. I felt butterflies flying all around my stomach, but I kept my cool. I didn't know why, but I felt my arm reaching forward on it's own accord. I lifted his head and forced him to look at me, then watched as he blushed even more.

"Come on, pretty. Let's eat." I smiled, then dropped my hand and started undoing the tupperware. My face was red and hot but I was pretty sure I hid it with my hair. I couldn't fucking believe I just did that.

Smitty helped me open the rest of the containers, and he was almost done when I saw him pause. I glanced at him, then followed his gaze and saw a little yellow flower in the distance. I blinked, then smiled a bit and stood, heading over to it. I carefully plucked it, then turned and made my way back to the prettiest boy in the world.

John, don't get attached, for fuck's sake.

I sat down and glanced at him, then at the flower, and back at him. I titled my head a bit as I asked, "What flower is this?"

He smiled. "It's a buttercup. It's my favorite flower."

I glanced at the buttercup again, then shifted. "It suits you." I smiled, and leaned forward, brushing some of his hair out of the way so I could stick the flower in his hair- right above his ear, just resting in that little crevice thingy.

I leaned back a bit, and looked over his face. He was so fucking.. beautiful. I watched as he blushed, and I spoke. "Well, you're my favorite person.. so I guess you're my buttercup, Smitty."

I saw him blush even more and watched as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. Suddenly, he leaned forward, and I felt his lips press against my cheek.

I instantly felt my face heat up.

"I'll gladly be your buttercup, John." He said, smiling. I felt my heart racing. I was blessed to have a man like him even near me. Fuck. He's doing so much to me and I've only known him since today!

"Now, are we gonna eat, or what?" He leaned forward and picked up a chocolate covered strawberry, and observed it for a bit. Then, with a devilish grin, he turned to me and held it up. "Open wide, baby."

_Fuck._

He giggled as my face heated up again, but I complied and bit into the strawberry as he held it near my mouth. He let go of it once he was sure I actually had it in my mouth and watched, smiling.

I finished eating the strawberry and reached over, grabbing the pack of juice boxes I had gotten. I opened the package and tossed a juice box at Smitty. I opened mine and started sipping.

"Jesus, I'm reliving my childhood right now. Except it's like a million times better, cause I'm spending it with a hot motherfucker."

I literally fucking choked on my juice. Not even joking, I started coughing immediately and Smitty started laughing his ass off.

As I caught my breath, I covered my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes at Smitty, who had yet to stop laughing. Eventually, he stopped laughing, and wrapped his arms around his stomach. "Fu- Fuck, man. My stomach hurts, holy shit."

"That was funny? I could have died, Smitty!" I joked, mockingly frowning.

"Don't worry, I would have saved you. But come on, can you fucking blame me? That was hilarious!" Smitty grinned.

I turned my head, and offered a quiet "hmmph."

Smitty poked me, and then poked me, and poked me again. Eventually he turned on his back and rested his head in my lap, glancing up at me. "How can I make it up to you, my majesty?"

"Oh, I don't know.. maybe with.. this!" I suddenly moved my hands and started attacking his sides, tickling him.

He started laughing and twisting around, begging for me to stop. "John, no! Stop- Stop, please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I grinned, but after a few moments I let go of him, figuring that was enough. He took deep breaths, calming down. I watched him, smiling. His eyes had teared up a bit from laughing so hard, and I took the moment to admire the beauty of them.

Soon enough he sat up again, resting his head on my shoulder. "This is the most fun I've had in years. Thank you."

"Of course, I'm happy I could make you happy. Now, let's actually eat, and then watch the stars. Then we can get out of here, okay?" I smiled, and reached forwards, grabbing one of the little sandwiches.

"I wish we didn't have to leave."

I felt a little pang of pain at my heart as he said that. I glanced at him, and he looked genuinely upset.

"Hey, buttercup, don't worry. We can come back again. This might be the first time we've hung out, but I can assure you, it sure as hell won't be the last."

He smiled as I spoke, before he started to speak himself. "I like the buttercup thing. And thank you.. again. Seriously though, I don't want to stop hanging out with you. You're so cool. And funny. And.. y'know.. you're really nice to look at."

I blushed. "...Thanks, Smitty."

He smiled even more. "I am simply a messenger of the truth, Johnny boy. Now let's eat- for real."   
  


 

•  
  


 

Once we had finished our food and packed the tupperware away, we put everything back in the car except for the blankets. I laid down on the blanket and Smitty laid down next to me, with space between us, of course. We laid there in silence, just staring at the sky. There were literally no lights, (we had lit up the picnic area with our phone lights) and we could see the stars perfectly. There were so many, it was so beautiful to look at.

"Damb, that's beautiful." Smitty spoke from besides me.

I smiled. "It sure is. And uh, by the way... damb..?"

"It's just a silly way of saying damn that I came up with." He chuckled a bit.

"Oh, okay. Noted."

"Hey, John- look!" Smitty pointed up and towards one area of the sky. I glanced over at it, and my eyes widened as I saw not one, not two, not three.. but a shit ton of shooting stars.

"Holy shit," I breathed, staring at the sight in awe. I felt Smitty shifting, and soon I felt him snuggle against me. I smiled.

We watched the meteor shower for however long it lasted. Eventually I heard Smitty yawning and I glanced at him. "We should probably go now, shouldn't we, buttercup?"

He sighed and sat up. "...Yeah, yeah.. we should. I don't want to, though." I smiled at him,

"C'mon, don't worry. We can hang out tomorrow, if you want. And we have a couple of classes together. And you can sit with me and my friends at lunch! I mean, only if you want to, of course. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything." I sat up, glancing at him.

Smitty nodded a bit, then frowned. "I mean.. I'd totally love to meet your friends and stuff but.. they probably wouldn't like me very much." He glanced down. I frowned. I really didn't like him talking about himself like that.

"Hey." I reached up and stroked the side of his face. "Don't worry about that, okay? My friends will love you, and if they don't, I'll kick their asses. Everything's going to be fine, buttercup."

I watched as his frown slowly curled up into a smile again. "Okay. Okay, sure. I believe you."

I smiled, and pulled him in close to me, hugging him. He hugged me back, and we stayed like that for a while. As I held him close, I noticed what he smelled like. He smelled like cherries.. and blue raspberry jolly ranchers.

"Cherries. And.. blue raspberry jolly ranchers." I murmured, pulling away from him. He threw me a look like I was crazy before he spoke.

"What are you talking about?" He mumbled, blinking. I grinned,

"That's what you smell like. I smell of vanilla and oranges.. and you smell of cherries and blue raspberry jolly ranchers." I explained.

"Oh, okay. That's weird. Does it at least smell good?" He chuckled a bit. I nodded.

"It's sort of comforting. Anyways, we should get going." I stood up, pulling him up with me. He stumbled a bit, then leaned over and grabbed the blanket that was previously on the ground. He shook it a bit, trying his best to get the dirt off of it, then rolled it up and held it.

"Alright, I think we're all set. Let's go, buttercup." I slung my arm around Smitty's shoulder and we made our way to the car. I opened the passenger door for him and he slid in, thanking me. I nodded and shut the door, then walked to the other side of the door and opened it up, getting into the driver's seat. I shut the door and glanced over to see Smitty snuggled under a ton of blankets.

"Jeez. You cold, Smitty? I can turn the heat on, if you want." I started the car and put my seat-belt on.

He shook his head, yawning. "No, I'm fine. I'm a little chilly but these blankets are comfy and they smell like you. I like them."

I smiled, then pulled out of where we were parked and started driving home. "That's good to know. Hey, buttercup, could you tell me what time it is?" I asked, keeping my eyes focused in front of me.

I heard a bit of shuffling, probably Smitty trying to grab his phone, before he answered me. "Holy shit. It's three in the fucking morning, John."

My eyes widened. "You're fucking with me."

"No, seriously! It's three! My mother has called me fifty-four fucking times! Holy shit. I- Can I stay over at your place tonight?" Smitty sounded panicked.

"Uh, why?" I furrowed my eyebrows a bit.

"Cause I can't just be like 'oh hey wassup fam' and go to my room at three in the fucking morning!"

"...You have a point. Yeah, it's fine. I'll tell my parents.. I don't know, I'll just hope they're asleep." I frowned a bit.

"Jesus.. hold on, let me call my mom, okay?"

"Yeah, go right ahead." I kept driving, listening as Smitty started talking.

"Mom..? Hi, yeah. I know, I know.. my phone ended up dying at his place and he didn't have the right charger for my phone, but I just found one laying around just now. I stayed over at his cause it got late and I figured you were sleeping already. I'm really sorry I didn't call you, but like I said, my phone was dead. I'll be home tomorrow after school, okay? I- yes mom. Yes.. okay.. I love you too. I'll be safe. Get some sleep, okay? Don't be so worried about me, momma. Okay. Okay.. yes. I love you too, mom. Okay. Bye. Bye.. goodbye. Bye, mom."

With a sigh, he lowered his phone.

"Isn't your mother a bit surprised as to why you're awake at three in the morning at a friend's house?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No. I have insomnia and shit, so I'm usually awake at this time of the night."

"Oh. That sucks. Sorry, buttercup." I frowned. He didn't deserve that.

"It's fine, don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for, baby." Smitty mumbled, shifting around in his seat.

I blushed. "..Baby?"

"Yeah. I'm your buttercup, and you're my baby. I mean, unless you don't like that or anything, I can totally-"

"No.. I like it." I interrupted him, smiling.

"Oh, thank god. I was worried for a second." He chuckled a bit.

"Hey, Buttercup? Random question, but uh. Are you single?" I asked. I wanted to know if I at least had a chance here. Hell, he could just be a really affectionate friend.

"Uh.. yeah, I haven't had a relationship since like.. sixth grade. Why do you ask?"

Cause I want to date you, dummy.

"Oh, no reason. Just wondering. How is a guy like you still single?" I asked, making a right turn.

"Pssh. I'll be surprised if I ever wind up with anyone. Well, since you asked me, I can ask you- are you single?"

"Yeah. Actually, I broke up with my girlfriend earlier today." I frowned a bit. I hadn't had any thoughts of Victoria at all- not since after seeing Smitty at lunch.

"Oh, damb dude. I'm sorry. If you don't mind, can I ask why?" Smitty made sure to talk with a gentle tone, trying to make sure he didn't overstep any boundaries. I appreciated it.

"Yeah. Uh, long story short.. she hated all my friends for being gay. She was homophobic. And then a friend pointed out how she's probably gay herself.. so I confronted her about it and yeah, she's a total lesbian. Going after her best friend, I think. I really do wish her the best, though."

Smitty was quiet for a bit, before he spoke up again. "..That's gotta be tough. You're a strong guy, you know that, John?"

"Thanks, buttercup." I smiled. I appreciated it, especially coming from him.

"By the way, uh.. I didn't bring any clothes, since I really didn't expect to be staying over... so..."

"It's okay, you can borrow some of mine. They might be a bit baggy, though."

"Baggy clothes are the best clothes, fuck you mean?"

I laughed at that.

"You have a cute laugh, baby." Smitty murmured. I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

I felt my face heat up and I didn't say anything, just kept driving.

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah, Smitty?"

"Do you ever meet a guy.. and he's like, the sweetest guy ever.. and he's really funny.. and he's also really cute but hella hot at the same time.. and he smells really nice.. and he's a fuckin genius.. and he has a really nice car.. and his blankets are really comfy.. and he surprises you with a picnic even though it's the first time you hang out..? Cause I feel like I'd end up falling in love with that guy."

I don't think my face has ever been so red.

I pulled the car to a stop in front of my house. "I can't say that I've met a guy like that.. but I bet you he feels the same way about you."

We sat there for a while in silence, acutely aware of exactly what the other was talking about. Eventually, I cleared my throat.

"Anyways, Buttercup, we're here." I hopped out of the car and walked over to the other side, then helped Smitty out of the car, considering he was all wrapped up in blankets.

"Are you gonna grab the stuff out of the car?"

"Meh, I'll do it tomorrow. It's late though, and we both need sleep. You, especially."

"..I guess." Smitty shrugged. We made our way towards my house and I took out my keys, then quickly- but cautiously- opened the door. Thank god, all of the lights were off. Everyone was asleep. My parents probably assumed I spent the night at Craig's or something.

"Everyone's asleep. Come on, upstairs." I shut the door behind me and grabbed Smitty's hand, leading him up the stairs. He stumbled a bit, cause he was still awkwardly wrapped up in all of those blankets, but he made it up fine. We made our way to my room, and once we were in, I shut the door behind us and flipped the lights on.

I watched as Smitty took the moment to look around. Smiling, I made my way to my closet.

"Buttercup, although that outfit is fresh as fuck, it's probably uncomfortable to sleep in. You can raid my closet for some comfy clothes." I dug out some comfy clothes I liked, then made my way towards the door. "You can change in here, I have to brush my teeth and stuff anyways. You can borrow a toothbrush, by the way- not used, of course. Just unlock the door when you're done so I know it's safe to come in."

Smitty offered me a nod. "Thanks, baby."

I bit my lip to hide a smile, then made my way to the bathroom. Baby. Baby, baby, baby..

I loved the way he called me that.

I quickly changed into the comfy clothes and tossed the clothes I had been wearing into my hamper. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, then stared at my reflection in the mirror. The face of a failure. The face of nothing. The face of a waste of space. The face of a fucked up boy. The face of a pussy. The face of someone who can't do anything right.

Fuck off, thoughts. Shut up. I don't need you.

With a sigh, I pulled myself away from the mirror and opened the door after shutting the lights off. I knocked on my door. "Smitty? Can I come in?"

"Yeah!" I heard his voice respond. Blinking, I opened the door. I saw him standing there, grinning like an idiot, as he basically drowned in my sweater.

"Buttercup, that sweater doesn't even fit me. Why are you wearing that?" I raised an eyebrow, making my way over to him.

"It's comfy. I told you, baggy clothes are the best clothes, baby." He threw his hands up. "Oh, and I'm wearing shorts underneath this, by the way. Don't panic."

Blinking, I glanced down and noticed that his legs were pretty bare. The shorts were covered up by the sweater. That's how big it was.

"Okay. Uh, do you want the bed? I can sleep on the floor, it's fine." I stretched a bit. I just wanted to sleep.

"......Do you, uh.. do you think..?" Smitty began to talk, then trailed off.

"..Buttercup? You can talk to me, what is it?" I glanced at him again, yawning.

"Do you think we could sleep in the bed? Like.. the both of us? I mean it's like totally fine if you're not cool with that or whatever like I totally understand but I don't know it would help me sleep and-"

I rolled my eyes, then pulled him close, hugging him. "Of course."

I felt him breathe out a sigh of relief. "Okay. Uh, I'm going to go brush my teeth."

"Your toothbrush is still in the package, you should be able to find it no problem." I smiled and pulled away from him, letting him go get ready. I sat down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how I got so lucky.

I stayed like that for what must have been a while, cause I was still in that position when Smitty came back into the room. "Do you want this door locked?" He asked as he shut it.

"Uh, yeah, please. Thanks, Buttercup." I smiled, watching as he nodded and locked the door. "Do you have a preference of laying? Like, inside or outside?"

"I don't care, baby. Whatever's easiest." He mumbled, then walked over to the bed.

"Okay, maybe the outside would be the best, then. Is that okay?" I asked, blinking. "Oh, and by the way, there's a charger for your phone over there- you can plug it in if you want." I pointed to an outlet in the corner of the room.

"Oh, thanks. And yeah, that's fine, baby." Smitty walked over to the outlet and plugged his phone in, then made his way back to me. He was about to lay down when he sighed and walked over to the lights, flipping them off. I chuckled.

I laid down and shifted, getting comfortable, then watched as Smitty climbed into the bed next to me.

We laid there in silence for a while, before Smitty sighed. He shifted and grabbed my arms, then pulled me closer to him. I ended up throwing my arm over his waist and he let out a happy sigh.

"Get some sleep, Buttercup." I leaned forward and kissed the back of his head.

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

**john**

 

I woke up to the quiet snores of Smitty beside me. Blinking my eyes open, I yawned and glanced at him. His hair was a mess and he was cuddled up close to me. I felt a smile grow on my lips as I observed him. He was absolutely gorgeous.

I went to move with the intentions of grabbing my phone and checking the time, then found that my legs were entangled with Smitty's. I blushed a little, but slowly and carefully removed myself from him.

Once I had separated our legs, I reached over and grabbed my phone. It was 6:09. I figured I could take a quick shower and then wake Smitty up. That'd give him probably around an extra twenty minutes of sleep, and would leave enough time for him to take a shower too, if he needed one.

I awkwardly stood up and sort of crawled out of the bed, being careful as to not disturb my buttercup. I felt my cheeks heat a bit as this thought entered my mind, and as I glanced back at Smitty, I smiled at the thought of being able to call him mine someday.

I moved towards my closet and raked my hands through it, trying to pick out an outfit I thought Smitty would like me in. I ended up taking out a black and white striped, long-sleeve shirt and a yellow shirt, as well as a pair of jeans. And y'know like the other essential stuff like boxers and shit but whatever, my outfit's gonna look fly.

I quickly made my way to the bathroom and locked the door. I tossed my clothes on the counter and quickly undressed, then hopped into the shower.

Once I fully washed up, I got out and dried off, then changed into my outfit. I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned. "Fuck yeah, John, you sort-of sexy piece of shit."

I grabbed my dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper, then made my way back to my bedroom. I opened the door and saw Smitty kicking his legs, staring at the wall. "Hey, buttercup. I was hoping you wouldn't be awake, I wanted you to sleep for as long as possible."

"Oh, it's fine. I slept really nice last night, actually, I think you might have helped..." Smitty glanced at me and smiled as he spoke, then soon trailed off. I watched his face slowly turn red.

"...Smitty?" I raised an eyebrow, blinking. "Smits? Smitty? Buttercup? Are you there?" I moved forward a bit and waved my hand in front of his face.

He shook his head a bit, still blushing. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. I zoned out.. you uh.. you look really nice. And your hair.. is still sort of wet.. it just took me by surprise." He smiled.

I shrugged, blushing a bit. "Oh, uh. Thanks. By the way, if you want, you can take a shower. And I've got clothes that you can borrow, of course."

"Thanks, baby." Smitty yawned and stretched as he stood up, then stumbled over to my closet. I snickered a bit. "We'll probably leave at like seven, by the way- if that's fine with you."

"Yeah, that works." After a few moments, Smitty pulled out some clothes he liked and made his way to the door. "Are there towels in the bathroom?" He asked, glancing at me.

I nodded, and watched as he threw me a thumbs up, then walked off to the bathroom. I heard the door shut, and sighed happily. I paced around the room, then glanced at my phone when it went off.

It was the groupchat of idiots.

**muni ledd, 6:27: hey muddafuckas what is up? :D**

**nooogla, 6:27: the sky :3**

**john, 6:28: nogla if you don't stop using that fucking cat face i'm going to actually slap you at school**

**piggy, 6:28: holy shit john's alive !!! so did you get laid**

**john, 6:29: go choke, tyler.**

**muni ledd, 6:29: ..... :)**

**moo, 6:30: craig please stop i don't need to even think about you and tyler right now**

**nooogla, 6:30: wait why are we talking about john getting laid**

**moo, 6:30: idek tbh, tyler mentioned it**

**muni ledd, 6:31: actually don't know either**

**piggy, 6:31: idk i just figured he'd be having rebound sex or something after that break-up**

**terrorised, 6:31: way to be insensitive, tyler.**

**piggy, 6:31: was that mean? my bad, john**

**john, 6:31: whatever, fuckheads. i'm busy, why am i wasting my time here**

**hoodini, 6:32: because you love us**

**john, 6:32: nobody loves you, evan**

**nooogla, 6:32: ...damn**

**john, 6:33: damb***

**muni ledd, 6:33: idk what the /fuck/ that means but it sounds annoying so don't do it again**

**john, 6:33: a friend of mine got it stuck in my head, it's just a dumb way to say damn lol. calm your tits**

**piggy, 6:33: ^ what he said**

**muni ledd, 6:34: tylerrrr :(**

**john, 6:34: oh god i can't be here for the break-up. gotta blast fuckers, see you at hell!**

**nooogla, 6:35: wait a minute WHAT FRIEND**

With a roll of my eyes I tossed my phone beside me, hearing the groupchat suddenly blow up. Unfortunately for them, they'd have to wait to find out who I was talking about until I got to school.. with him.

I made my way back to my closet and slipped on a pair of beige boots, then paced around the room, not really knowing what to occupy my time with. Eventually I found myself back at my closet, except this time I was reaching for my vape.

I quickly took a drag, feeling myself calm down a bit. I watched as the door opened and Smitty walked into the room. "Hey, John... is your phone okay?" His eyes almost immediately locked onto the vibrating mess that was my phone. I chuckled and put the vape down,

"Yeah, it's fine. Just my friends losing their shit trying to figure out who I was hanging out with yesterday in a groupchat. But little do they know, I hung out with the prettiest boy I've ever met." Coolest. I meant to say coolest. What the fuck, John?

I watched as his face went red, then he started making his way towards me. Blinking, he picked my hands up and turned them over, then put his hands next to mine, and just sort of left them there in the air. I observed our matching nails, and smiled a bit.

"Our hands are goals." He decided, glancing up at me and grinning.

It took everything in me not to lean forward and kiss him, right then and there. Instead, I rolled my eyes but offered a smile. "I mean... yeah, you're right."

He smiled, then pulled away from me, reaching over to grab his phone. "It's.. damb, it's almost seven already. Are your parents home?"

"Well, my dad works early hours and my mom is usually asleep at this time, so we can go downstairs. Are you hungry?" I asked, grabbing my phone from off my bed and slipping it into my pocket.

"Yeah, a little- JOHN! I'M SO STUPID!" Smitty's sudden raise of voice surprised me and I jumped a bit, then spun around to look at him. He looked pretty annoyed, but also just sort of done with everything.

"What happened?" I stared at him, frowning. He sighed.

"My backpack is at my fucking house."

"...Oh, shit. That might be a problem."

"Yeah, and school starts in half a fucking hour." He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, shit, buttercup! We've got to fucking go!" I very quickly grabbed my backpack and slung it on, then reached over and grabbed Smitty's wrist. "Let's go let's go let's go!"

"But wait, food-" Smitty started complaining, and as I quickly sped down the stairs, I rolled my eyes.

"We'll stop at a gas station by the school and grab some shit, but we've got to  _go_!" I quickly ran out of the door, still holding on to Smitty. I sped to the car and flung the passenger door open, then ran to the other side and hopped in.

"Seat-belt on, let's go!" I shouted, then put my seat-belt on. I glanced over at Smitty and made sure he was buckled in before I drove the fuck away.

"Why are you so panicked, baby?" Smitty rolled the window down a bit, allowing a slight breeze to flow into the car.

"Cause I haven't been tardy to any class at that hell-hole in my entire life and even though it's dumb I've come too far to risk it all!" I quickly made a sharp turn, startling Smitty.

"Okay, holy shit! Hurry up, but don't fucking kill us!" Smitty's eyes widened a bit as he glanced at me. I grinned, and sped up the car- totally going at an illegal 60 mph, but it was fine.

"There's a gas station like a minute away from my house, we can stop there, okay?" Smitty glanced out the window.

"Yeah yeah yeah, let's go let's go let's go!" I pulled to a stop in front of his house and watched as he quickly undid his seat-belt. He paused for a moment before rolling the entire window down and hopping out of the car, through the window.

"Are you fucking insane!?" I shouted, my eyes widening a bit. All I got in response was a bunch of laughing.

I grinned as I watched him run into the house. A little over a minute had passed and when he still hadn't come out, I slammed my hand onto the horn. "HURRY THE FUCK UP!"

Totally not at all a good influence on his parents, but we were in a rush.

I saw Smitty come running out of the door with a dumb little grin on his face, and he flung the car door open and slid into the seat. "Go go go!"

I started driving before Smitty had even shut the door all the way, and he started laughing way too hard at that.

"John, John, holy shit, I can't stop laughing!" He clutched at his stomach, and I started laughing.

"Smitty, shut the fuck up before I can't stop laughing, either!" I grinned, and this caused him to only laugh harder. Soon enough we came to a stop in front of the gas station and I checked the time. "WE'VE GOT FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, SMITTY!"

"THE SCHOOL'S THREE MINUTES AWAY WE CAN DO THIS!" Smitty jumped out through the window again and ran into the store. About thirty seconds passed and he came running out again with two donuts in one hand, and two Gatorades in the other. He quickly got in,

"DRIVE, BABY!"

I sped off, and heard shouting behind me. "Smitty, did you fucking steal those!?" My eyes widened, but I kept them on the road in front of me.

"No, I took them and threw a ten on the counter. I think I might have been short a dollar or two, though. It's fine." He blinked, then bit into one of the donuts, and held the other one in front of my mouth. I took a bite of it, and as we drove the rest of the way there, he switched between feeding me and helping me drink the Gatorade, seeing as I didn't want to take my hands off the wheel.

Once we got to the parking lot of the school, I quickly parked the car. I got out, and Smitty did the same. "Two minutes!" We ran into the building.

"Where's your locker?" I asked, a little short of breath.

"It's down that hallway!" Smitty replied.

"Thank god, mine too!" I quickly grabbed his wrist again and ran to the hallway. I stopped in front of my locker and he ran a few lockers down to his own.

I hurriedly put in the combination and put the shit that I didn't need in my bag back in my locker, and took out the books I did need. I put them back in my bag, then shut my locker and slung my bag over my shoulders, glancing at Smitty.

He was putting the books back in his locker when I checked the time. "Buttercup we've gotta go, like right now. We have forty-five seconds to get to class."

Smitty slammed his locker and grabbed my wrist, and we booked it. Mr. F's class was up three flights of stairs and down two hallways. I thought I was literally going to die because of how fast we were running. Eventually, we got to Mr. F's class, and he threw the door open, pulling me into the room after him. The door slammed against the wall and we awkwardly stood there, panting. Everyone- and I mean everyone- stared at us.

"Gentlemen.. you finally cared to join us?" Mr. F threw his gaze at me and Smitty, staring at us with an unimpressed face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Craig start to snicker.

"Craig Thompson, don't encourage John, please." Craig wasn't sitting anywhere close to Mr. F's current field of vision. What the fuck? How'd he know it was him?

Craig huffed and slammed his mouth shut.

"Hey, look, we weren't late, and that's all that matters, right, Mr. F?" Smitty shrugged his shoulders at Mr. F. I watched as Mr. F glanced at the clock, and with a reluctant sigh, he nodded.

"I suppose you weren't. You've been in this classroom for approximately ten seconds and the bell rang nine seconds ago. If this happens again, boys, don't expect me to be so nice. Have a seat, will you?" Mr. F crossed his arms over his chest and I grinned, then high-fived Smitty. I sat down in my usual seat and noticed the seat beside me was empty, so I motioned for Smitty to sit next to me. He hesitated for a moment before coming over and sliding into the seat.

As Mr. F started droning on and on about whatever, I glanced over at Smitty. He was staring at his book with a confused expression on his face.

"..and just this once, I am allowing you to choose your partners for today's activity. If this goes well, maybe we can do it again. However, there will only be groups of two to three. No more, no less. Alright, you can start!"

I watched as Craig moved to make his way over to me, and I tapped Smitty on the shoulder. "Hey, buttercup, want to work with me and Craig? He's uh, one of my friends, if you couldn't tell."

He perked his head up a bit, and nodded. "Uh, yeah, sure. That's fine."

Craig slid into the seat behind me, and I shifted in my seat so I could look at him better. Smitty shifted a bit too, blinking.

Craig held his hand out and offered it to Smitty. "Hey, I'm Craig. And you're Smitty, right?"

Smitty blinked a bit, then nodded and took Craig's hand, shaking it. "Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you, Craig."

"You too, man." Craig smiled and then opened his book, glancing at me. "Were either of you paying attention to whatever the fuck Mr. Fuckface was talking about?"

I watched as Smitty smiled a bit once Craig used his nickname for Mr. F., and I shook my head. "I.. have literally no idea what he was talking about, dude."

"Okay, look. Craig, flip to page 315. We have to follow the procedure. The supplies are over there." Smitty piped up, flicking Craig's book and then pointing over to where all the crap was at.

"I'll go get it," Craig mumbled. "John, be a dear and find the page for me. Thanks." He stood up and walked off to go get the supplies. Smitty smiled next to me.

I flipped through the book, trying to find the page. "What do you think, buttercup?"

"Hmm? What do I think about what, baby?" Smitty glanced at me. I smiled a bit as he called me that, then I nodded my head in the direction of Craig.

"About Craig. If you like Craig, you'll like the rest of my friends." I smiled.

Smitty nodded. "Yeah, he seems cool. Uh, weird question, but he has a boyfriend, right?"

I blinked a bit. "Yeah, why? You're not lookin' to get with him or anything, are you?" I felt a little pang of jealousy and knew I had no reason to feel it, but I felt it anyways. Smitty chuckled beside me, and put his hand on top of mine.

"Don't worry, baby. I don't like him like I like you." He winked at me, and I felt my face heat up.

"Smitty, w-what is that s-supposed to mean..?" I asked, stuttering a bit.

"Hey fuckers, I've got the stuff!" Craig cheered as he approached us, and plopped the stuff down onto his desk, next to the book. He paused as he noticed that Smitty's hand was on top of mine. Smitty moved to take his hand off mine, but Craig quickly grabbed both his hand and my hand. "Are you two wearing matching nail polish?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. Pretty fucking cool, right?" I grabbed Smitty's other hand with my other hand and showed them off to Craig, grinning. Smitty rolled his eyes with a little blush.

"Your hands.. are like.. actual goals. What the fuck? That's so cute! Can I put it on my Snapchat story?" Craig beamed at us, batting his eyes "innocently."

"Yeah, fine, whatever. That's okay, right Smitty?" I glanced at him, and watched as he nodded with a smile.

Craig clapped his hands a bit and took out his phone, then quickly snapped a picture of our hands. He typed a caption in, then showed it to us. "actual fucking goals right here right now folks," It read, with a red and a blue heart emoji after it.

"Hey, Craig- can you save that and then send it to me? I'll give you my username." Smitty asked. Craig blinked, and nodded. After a few moments Craig handed Smitty the phone and he typed in his username, then handed it back to Craig.

"What? No fair, how come I don't have your Snapchat yet?" I pretended to pout.

"Pssh, you're too lame for my Snapchat, dummy." He chuckled.

"I am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Okay, five-year olds, let's get this dumb lab out of the way, please? And stop flirting, will you? Jesus, I can only handle so much of it at a time." Craig rolled his eyes, but was grinning anyways. Smitty chuckled beside me and nodded.

As Smitty started explaining what we had to do, I found myself getting lost in his eyes again.

This was going to be a long day.  


 

•  


 

As I pulled my lunch out of my locker, I watched as a familiar face approached his own. I smiled, then shut my locker, and made my way over to him.

"Hey, buttercup." I spoke, making sure he couldn't see my face behind the locker. Soon enough he closed it and smiled at me.

"Hey, baby."

I felt my heart flutter as he called me that. "You're sitting with us today, right?"

"I usually eat lunch in the bathroom.. so yeah, I'll gladly eat with you guys. I'm sort of nervous to meet everyone else, though."

"There's.. a lot of them, to be honest. I don't want you to feel overwhelmed, they can be a bit much at times. They're all understanding though and mean the best. You're sure you've got this? You don't have to, buttercup. I can sit with you somewhere else." I glanced at him as we made our way to the cafeteria. While we were walking, I felt Smitty's hand reach down and grab mine. I smiled a bit.

"I got this. I want to meet the people who are important to you, cause you're important to me." Smitty nodded.

I smiled. "Thanks, buttercup. I appreciate that. Just take it slow, if you have to, okay?"

He nodded. "Of course, baby." We stayed like that, walking in comfortable silence for a while, before I felt Smitty's hand moving as he intertwined our fingers. I felt myself blush, but I also smiled. It was the first time we'd actually held hands like that, and he had initiated it. I glanced at him and noticed that his face was also dusted in a light blush, and he was smiling to himself as he stared at the floor.

By now, we were almost at our table, but I hadn't really noticed. Instead, I reached over and pressed a kiss to his temple. I watched as his face went even redder than it was before.

"Literally everyone is going to think we're dating, John." He mumbled quietly, smiling.

"Hmm? I thought we were dating. Was yesterday not a date?" I mocked surprise and faked a gasp.

Smitty rolled his eyes, but smiled even more. "You know what I mean, dumbass."

"Hmm, I guess. I mean, you are right. We're not dating." I swung our hands, then smiled at him. "Yet."

He groaned. "... How much of a tomato am I right now, John? You're making it worse!"

"Awh, well you're a cute tomato, so-"

Suddenly, Smitty spun around and pressed his finger to my lips, shushing me. I felt my face heat up. "Who's the tomato now, baby?" He raised his eyebrows, then pulled away from me and swung our hands a bit.

I blinked a bit, then glanced at our table, and realized literally all of the guys saw that. "..Buttercup, uh. I think my friends just saw what you did there." I nodded my head in their direction.

Smitty frowned, then slowly glanced at them. As he realized how many eyes there were on the two of us, he instantly clung to me and buried his face in my shoulder. "Jesus, John, I didn't realize they were right there!"

I blushed a bit myself, then smiled and rubbed his back. "It's okay, I'll shut them up if they say anything, okay?"

Sighing, Smitty pulled away from me, then intertwined our fingers again. "I hate you, you dumbass."

"I hate you too, you asshole." I grinned. He rolled his eyes as we got closer to the table.

I sat down, and Smitty sat down next to me. All of the guys looked at me, and then at Smitty, and then back at me.

"Hey, fuckers. This is Smitty. Craig, you've already met him. Uh, Smitty, this is.. hold on. Who's that again? Brian? B...? Rock? He's a rock, right?"

"Hey, screw you, John!" Brock flipped me off. Smitty snickered beside me and I grinned.

"Okay, okay. Smitty, in order, this is.. Tyler, Craig's boyfriend." Tyler offered a little wave to Smitty.

"Brian, and sitting next to him is Brock. They're not dating but everyone totally ships them and at this point, I'd give it a week before they start making out."

They both blushed and turned their heads away from each other, but waved at Smitty.

"Next to Brock is David, but he goes by Daithi- or Nogla. We usually call him Nogla when he fucks up, which is quite often." I smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Smi- hey wait, fuck you John!" He frowned.

"Shut up, Nogla." Tyler rolled his eyes.

"See what I mean?" I smiled. "Next to Craig is Evan, and next to Evan is Johnathan, but we all call him Delirious cause he's fucking insane, isn't that right, Del?"

"He's not wrong." Delirious tossed a smile at us, and Evan waved.

"They're also in total denial that they're in love, by the way." I grinned.

"Fuck off, John." Evan flipped me off.

"Hey, what's with all the birds? Jesus, guys. Don't subject Smitty's poor, innocent eyes to that profanity."

"Fuck off, John." This time, it was Smitty who spoke, and everyone at the table laughed. Smitty threw me a cheeky grin and squeezed my hand underneath the table. I hadn't realized it, but we were still holding hands.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Okay okay, so there's Scotty, and there's Marcel. They're actually probably the most tolerable guys here, but Scotty still hasn't hit puberty yet. His voice is disgustingly high. Marcel is really chill. You'll see those two hanging out with each other the most."

Scotty and Marcel both waved at Smitty, greeting him.

"Sup, dude." Scotty smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Smitty." Marcel nodded.

"Alright, Anthony- or Panda, as we sometimes call him- is fucking hilarious. By far the funniest out of all of us here, and his laugh is extremely contagious, so be careful."

Anthony nodded, laughing a bit, and waved at Smitty.

"Uh, and that's Luke, Ohm, and Lui. I'd explain their personalities but I'm tired now and I'm sure you're probably really confused with names and stuff."

They all waved at Smitty, and then we slowly broke off into conversations.

Smitty sighed and leaned against me. "I think I got it? Most of them, at least. Jesus, how do you have so many friends?"

I shrugged. "I mean, now that I think about it.. yeah, that's a lot of people. I don't know, I grew up with them, and somehow our bonds never broke. It's nice."

Smitty nodded. "Yeah, it must be. I haven't seen any of my childhood friends in years, and.. well, I probably never will."

"What? Why not? You can just call them or something." John frowned.

"Cause they're all back home." Smitty blinked.

"What do you-"

"Smitty! Are you Canadian?" Evan suddenly shouted, glancing at Smitty. He blinked a bit, then slowly nodded.

"I fucking knew it! I knew you had an accent. You came from Canada, then, right? Moved here?" He questioned Smitty, grinning.

"Uh, yeah. I only moved out here like.. two and a half years ago." Smitty shrugged a bit.

"I'm not the only Canadian anymore, fuck yeah!" Evan cheered.

"Hey, you know Chilled is Canadian, right Evan?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah but he hangs out with Ze and them more than us anymore, so.. yeah!"

"You're Canadian? How did I not know that? I mean, it explains why you can't see your friends, then." I glanced at Smitty. He nodded, frowning.

"It sucks to think about, but.. it's whatever. And besides, I guess they had to leave my life so I could make room for other people." Smitty smiled, then rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm talking about you, by the way, if you didn't get the memo, baby."

"I got it, buttercup. Thanks." I smiled, humming a bit of the song we danced to yesterday.

Tyler suddenly started shouting. "HEY, FUCKERS! We're going to the mall on Friday whether you like it or not, BUT there's a rule- you have to bring a plus one. BUT there's a rule to the rule- they have to be a part of our friend group!"

As everyone broke out into conversation and started asking others to be their plus one, I glanced at Smitty. "Hey, buttercup?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Will you be my plus one?"

Smitty smiled, then raised our joined hands to his face. He leaned over and gently kissed mine.

"I'll gladly be your plus one."


	7. Chapter 7

**lukas**

 

It was finally Friday. We were all going to head to the mall and just fuck around, and I honestly was fuckin pumped. John was heading to my house and we were going to drive to the mall from there, but I had to go through my final detention before the week's worth of detention was over. John just chilled in the car while it happened, cause I  _made_ him. I kept pushing him towards the door until he eventually, however reluctantly, complied.

Once I finished spending my extra time in hell, I quickly ran outside and glanced around for John's pickup. When I didn't immediately see it, I frowned a bit. After a few moments, though, John pulled up in front of me and I grinned, then hopped in.

"Hey, how's my favorite person?" He smiled, raising an eyebrow at me. "I'd love to hear your tales of how fun and exciting the hour you spent in that classroom was."

"Jesus, I thought I was going to melt, just sitting there and doing nothing in my seat. I was so fucking bored," I smiled, buckling my seat-belt. "But hey, we have a really fun and super exciting day ahead of us!"

"Yeah, I'm fuckin pumped! Wooh! Fuck yeah!" John pumped his fist into the air, grinning. I rolled my eyes, but chuckled as I watched the idiot.

"Oh, by the way, buttercup, you mentioned something about Canada the other day, right? What you missed most about it?" John suddenly glanced at me, blinking.

"Uh, I think I vaguely remember that. Why?" I sat up a bit, confused and slightly intrigued.

"Do you remember what you said it was?" John asked me, smiling.

"I don't know, baby.. uh.. probably something about Tim Horton's," I chuckled a bit.

John's smile slowly turned into a grin. "Close your eyes."

I furrowed my eyebrows, even more confused than I already was, but complied anyways. "Hold your hands out, buttercup." I did as he told me.

"John, if you stick your dick in my hands-" I giggled a bit as I joked.

I heard him cackle. "Fuck off, you dumb Canadian."

"Oh, you're fuckin racist now? Stupid American." I grinned.

"Whatever, loser." I felt something in my hands- it was heavy and sort of flat.

"Is this the bottom of something? John, what the fuck am I holding?"

"You can open your eyes now." I opened my eyes, and stared at the bag I was holding.

"John, what is this?" I blinked, glancing at him.

"Just a little gift for my little buttercup." He smiled, seeming genuinely happy with what he'd done. I sighed, then slowly smiled.

"Okay, I'm really confused, but I'll open this anyways. If anything comes out and eats my hand off, I'm going to pick my hand up with my good hand and beat you with it. Got it?" I tilted my head a bit, meeting his eyes.

He nodded. "Yes, sir."

I reached my hand into the bag and fumbled around for whatever was in it. Eventually my hand came into contact with something sort of cold, and I pulled it out.

It was a fucking Tim Hortons coffee mug, but a special Canadian version of it.

"How- Why- Where- What!? John, why would you do this?" I gasped, then leaned over to hug him. He blocked me, though.

"Ah ah ah, no hugs until you take the other thing out." He smiled, glancing at the bag.

"You got me something else? Why!?" I sighed, and put the cup down next to me. I reached my hand into the bag again and felt a fabric of sorts, then grasped it and pulled it out.

A sweater. A Tim Hortons sweater.

I grinned, then quickly reached over and hugged him. "Thank you so much, baby! I love it! I love all of it!"

John hugged me back, rubbing my back. "You're welcome, buttercup."

"What did I ever do to deserve to even meet you, John?" I pulled away from him, smiling. He shook his head and chuckled, then pulled me closer to him again. He paused to lean down and kiss the top of my head.

"Oh, how you flatter me." He pulled away, and I glanced down, feeling my face heat up. While his lips were pressed to my head, I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. I was enveloped in this strong, warm feeling.

The things he was doing to me, oh my oh my oh my. I didn't think my poor heart could take much more of it- but that's a lie, because it wanted everything that John had to offer. He made me feel like a ten-year old girl swooning over their favorite member of a boy-band, except he was talking to me and he knew my name and he called me buttercup. Fucking hell.

"Alright, well, let's head to your place and figure out what we're doing." John spoke up, then drove off. I nodded,

"Okay, yeah. I'm really excited." I grinned. I reached over and gently put my gifts back into the bag, then placed it down by my feet.

"Oh, buttercup? We've gotta be total wingmen today." John murmured as we made our way back to my house.

"Why's that?" I asked, glancing over at him. He chuckled, smiling.

"Guess." He mumbled, keeping his eye on the road in front of us.

"Don't make me guess unless you want me to jump out of this car right now." I threatened, sitting up and putting my hand on the door handle. John laughed, and it turned into a cute giggle at the end- he noticed it and blushed. "That was the cutest fucking noise you've ever made." I grinned, taking my hand off the handle to reach over and pinch his cheek like a grandmother would to her smallest grandkid.

"I fucking hate you, you total asshole." He scrunched his nose up a bit as I held my fingers on his cheek. I laughed and moved my hand off of his face, returning to my normal sitting position.

"I hate you too, dumbass." I chuckled a bit and rocked from side to side in my seat, lightly dancing to the song stuck in my head. "Anyways, why are we being wingmen?" I glanced over at John, who lifted his head a bit as he registered what I said.

"Oh, yeah. Uh, Brian's going to try and make a move on Brock. I mean..  _the_ move, y'know what I mean?" John raised an eyebrow, chuckling. "But here's the thing- uh, I'm the only one who knows. I mean, you do too now, but for some reason Brian trusted me with this information. So, y'know, we've got to make jokes and increase the sexual tension between the two until it gets to a point where Brian just grabs him and they start making out. Hopefully it doesn't get too much farther than that though because I really don't want to see that. Also children are probably around."

"Oh, jeez. I can make jokes. We've got this, baby." I cheered. "I'm happy for them though! I've only known them for what... four days..? And I can already tell they're obviously totally into each other. Have they always been that way?" I glanced over at him again.

He tapped his thumbs against the wheel and hummed a bit, both signs that he was taking a moment to think. I patiently waited, smiling as I took the moment to observe his features. He was so in the moment, it was a perfect opportunity to appreciate him. I noticed the slightest smile on his lips as he thought, and I felt butterflies swarm in my belly as I gazed at him. His lips were so.. kissable. I suddenly thought of my lips pressed against his and felt my face heat up, then glanced away.

Smitty, now is NOT the time for those fucking thoughts. Jesus, man. Get a fuckin' grip. It doesn't matter right now that his lips are a pretty color, or that when he smiles it's like an angel itself is smiling at you, or that his teeth are brighter than your future, or that he's perfect in every way possible. Oh my gosh. Imagine his smirk. Holy shit. Or his wink? His wink!? OR BOTH, COMBINED?

"Smiiiiiitty? Buttercup? Smithers. Hey, asshole!" John shouted besides me. I jumped a bit, startled.

"Jesus fucking- what!?" I glanced at him, wide-eyed.

"You weren't listening to me." He pouted.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I zoned out for a bit." I chuckled and awkwardly rubbed at the back of my neck.

"What could possibly be so important that you thought about over the likes of me?" He gasped, making a left turn. I felt my cheeks heat up. Oh, John. How little do you know.

"You, uh, would probably be weirded out if I told you." I shrugged a little, telling the truth. I watched John's eyebrows slowly furrow and he blinked a few times, then shot a glance at me.

"You were thinking about sex in my ca-"

"NO, JOHN!" I felt my face get immediately hot and I felt waves of embarrassment lap at me. "Fucking Christ man, not that weird!" I internally groaned. That was totally all my fault- I mean, it made sense for him to believe that. And shit, it'd be even easier to explain. But nah, instead I had to be thinking about how fucking perfect my best friend was.

"Hey, you know what man, the blame is all on you. It's your fault for not wording that any better." He laughed, and gazed me at me for a few seconds more before looking back at the road. "Man, I really should embarrass you more often. You're cute when you blush."

"JOHN!"  
  
  


•  
  
  


We stepped into the house and I paused for a second, holding up my hand to signal to John that he should stop as well. When we were both silent, I waited and listened for any signs of either of my parents. Luckily, they weren't in the house, like I had planned. I forced them to go out on a date so I could chill with John for a bit at the house before we had to go to the mall.

"Okay, the coast is clear. The 'rents are out on the date. Operation flirtation is a go." I spun around and threw finger guns at John, as well as winking and grinning at him. I watched as he rolled his eyes, but smiled even more as I watched a blush form on his cheeks.

"You're the dumbest person I've ever met. Why are we friends again?" He joked.

"Cause you just can't get enough of me, can you..?" I crossed my arms over my chest, subconsciously licking my lips. I felt my heart doin' little twirls as I flirted with him, and to be honest it was normal behavior for the both of us, but it just felt different. It was probably because we were in an environment we had never been in together before.

I watched as John's eyes lowered to a little below my eyes, and I blushed. Was he looking at my lips? "Oh no, buttercup. I really can't." He stared at wherever he was staring for a while before he slowly smiled. Oh wait. No wait, that wasn't a smile.

He was smirking.

Fuck.

I knew I was blushing terribly, but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't want this moment to end. His eyes met mine again, and I blinked, feeling both comfortable but also sort of.. I don't know.. nervous, under his gaze. He suddenly winked, and I lost it. Not literally, but.. well actually sort of literally. It was like the butterflies had multiplied a thousand times and were panicking in my belly. I felt my knees give out underneath me, and I stumbled forward- right into his arms.

He caught me and smiled. "You okay?"

"Y-Y-Yeah, I'm to-totally fine." I stammered, totally the fucking opposite of what I had just said. "A-A-Anyways, since we've got th-the house to ourselves, anything y-you wanna do before we h-head to the mall?"

"Hmm.. well, there might be one thing." John tilted his head a bit, looking at me in the eyes.

"Wh-What would that be..?" I held the eye contact between us before I noticed his bottom lip between his teeth. I genuinely felt my jaw start to go slack before I quickly shut it. Was it hot in here, or was it just him? It was him. It was definitely him. I was sweating. I was fucking sweating.

John smiled and moved his head in closer to my ear, probably to tell me something, then suddenly turned and kissed my neck. My eyes widened and I froze. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I need Jesus.

He pulled his lips away from my neck, but only to lightly trail them upwards and closer to my ear. He slowly started making his way down my jawline, and I felt my breathing fuck up. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know how to react. Like I totally didn't want him to stop but like holy shit.

He stopped just before my ear and whispered into it, sending shivers down my spine. "How... about... this..?"

He pulled away and nonchalantly pointed at the TV. "You got Mario Kart?"

I slumped down onto the couch, "To your r-right." I mumbled, trying to calm my breathing. I watched as John started looking for the game. That motherfucker did all of that on purpose, just to watch me squirm. I lifted my hand and held it up to the part where his lips had kissed my neck, and I smiled a bit, glancing down at the floor. However, my adrenaline was still pumping and my hands were shaky. Not like ridiculously, but obviously I had gotten a little- okay, a lot- worked up.

I anxiously bounced my leg a bit and ran my fingers through my hair, then glanced back at John. However, he was in a position looking for the game that gave me a perfect view of his ass. I stared- probably longer than I should have- and then quickly grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it. If you can't see it, it can't be.

I stayed like that for however long it took John to find the game. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud and threw the pillow off of me, scared shitless. John immediately started laughing.

"Fucking... mother.. fucker.. I.. can't breathe.. that.. what the fuck, John?" I took deep breaths, trying to recover from the scare. I huffed, and scooted into the corner of the couch, then grabbed a blanket and huddled into it.

"Oh, come on, buttercup. It was funny." John smiled, and walked over to me. I turned my head away from him, hiding a smile.

"Smitty..? How can I repay you?" John crouched onto one knee, and took my hand, then kissed it. I rolled my eyes, chuckling.

"Hmm... I dunno. Wait, baby, did you check the time?" I sat up a bit, stretching, then grabbed my phone to check the time.

"No, but it's not like we're late. We've only been here for like five minu-" John started to speak, but I cut him off in the middle of his second sentence.

"...We're going to be fashionably late." I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. "We were supposed to be there at five, right?"

"Yeah, why?" John frowned.

"It's, uh, it's already five thirty." I sighed, and stood. "Let's go, motherfucker, cause they're already going to yell at us when we get there."

"Yeah, good idea." John grabbed my hand and we made our way to the car, after I made sure to lock the house up.

"You ready, Johnny boy?" I glanced at him as I buckled my seat-belt.

"Hell yeah, cutie." Smiling a little after he spoke, John started the car. I blushed, and we drove away.

 

•

 

We walked into the food court with expressions of confusion on our faces. "This place is fucking huge. How are we going to find them?" John stared ahead of us, an incredulous look at his face. I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck, and raking my eyes through the crowd of people.

"..We.. aren't. There's no way. Why did we come here on a fucking Friday?" I sighed, glancing over at him. He shrugged and pulled out his phone,

"I'm calling the bitch right now, if we can locate Craig we can locate the others." He murmured, then put the phone to his ear. I chuckled a bit at his nickname for Craig, then walked a little closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder, sighing. He leaned over and kissed my forehead, and I blushed. John soon started talking into the phone, and I listened to him.

"Hey, bitch, where are you and the rest of the fuckers? .. The food court is fucking huge, Craig, and there's like a billion people in it. We're here right now, there's no fucking way we'll be able to find you. What do you mean, 'what do you mean we?' I.. oh shut the fuck up, man. Where are you guys? That's all I fuckin' need to know." As John kept talking, I noticed a familiar, tall head of black curly hair. Was that.. Daithi? As the person came closer, I noticed more people with them, and a teen on his phone making wild gesticulations. I snickered, and noticed John raising his voice. "What the fuck do you fucking mean you're in the fucking food court you fucking CUCK!?" I tapped John on the shoulder and pointed in their direction. He went quiet, then breathed heavily into the phone and hung up. I watched as Craig jumped a bit and almost dropped his phone.

"Alright, let's go join the group of idiots." John sighed, and I chuckled. We started making our way over, our hands brushing against each other multiple times. However, neither of us made an attempt to initiate total contact, and it was probably for the same reason- the group of friends in front of us.

"HEEEEEEEEY, FUCKERS!" John cheered and threw his hands up once we had gotten close enough for them to hear us. All of them turned their heads at once and glanced at us. Craig instantly ran at him and started smacking him,

"You made me almost break my phone you fucking cunt!" He shouted, joking- but also kind of rightfully pissed off. John laughed and pushed him off of him, rolling his eyes.

"Tyler, you need to control your boyfriend." John chuckled and glanced over at Tyler.

"Fuck man, he even scares me sometimes. It ain't happenin'." Tyler offered a shrug. "It's worth it tho, cause damn is that boy thick-"

"Ew, Tyler, shut the fuck up." Daithi cringed and covered his ears. Tyler laughed and walked over to Craig, then wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. "Wait, someone cover my eyes for me! I only have two hands!"

Lui walked over to Daithi and smacked his arm. "Just close your eyes, you fucking dumbass." He muttered, staring at Daithi like he was incredibly stupid- which he was, at times.

"Oh! You're right." Daithi closed his eyes, and everyone laughed. I did too, but just awkwardly kicked my feet at the ground. I loved this group of friends but I felt sort of.. invisible with them. And I know it's silly, considering they accepted me really quickly and also they've only known me for like four days, but.. I dunno.

"Okay, so! Time to discuss." Craig suddenly shouted, gaining everyone's attention. "All of us came here together- except for John and Smitty, cause they're incapable of making it anywhere on time, apparently- but we never told each other who our plus one's are to each other- I made y'all text me."

"Yeah, sorry about that by the way, Craig has some issues and wants everything to go hella fuckin smoothly and like sort of cutely but first of all not everyone here is even gay so there's already a problem-" Tyler started talking, then his boyfriend interrupted him.

"Fuck you, Tyler. Anyways, here they are: Tyler and Craig, the best couple."

"Craig, which is bigger- your ego, or your forehead?" Brian piped up, receiving the bird from Craig and laughter from everyone else in response.

"Fuck off, Brian. Then we have.. Scotty and Marcel, and it's apparently strictly bromance, by the way. Uh, Evan and Del-" Craig was interrupted by a "FUCK YEAH" from Jonathan. He slowly sighed,

"Could I get through this, please?"

"Babe, nobody even fuckin cares-" Tyler reached over and rested his hand on Craig's shoulder.

"I care!" Craig groaned. "Anyways, moving on. After that we have Luke and Ryan." Ohm's head popped up once he heard his name, obviously not paying attention to what was happening. Luke shook his head at him, shushing him before he asked what was going on. "Uh.. Anthony didn't have a plus one cause there's an uneven amount of friends in this group.. so he brought his panda," Craig chuckled a bit.

"And then... Daithi and Lui. Hmm. New... ship...?" Craig glanced at the two of them and while Lui just rolled his eyes, Daithi blushed a little and glanced down.

"New ship? What are you talkin' about, I've shipped them forever, Craig!" Evan sounded surprised. "Catch the fuck up, man!"

"Alright okay, fuck shit, whatever. Next.. uh, Brian and Brock- no surprise there." I glanced at John and grinned, and he met eyes with me and nodded before speaking.

"Hey, maybe they'll finally make out tonight!" John glanced at them. Brian snapped his head up and shot a glare at John, and I stifled a laugh. Brock just blushed and glanced down.

"John shut up. Oh, and hey, last one- John and Smitty. Makes sense, considering they came together." Craig nodded.

"They did what together!?" Del shot his head up, wide-eyed and confused.

"Delirious. They came here together. In the fucking car, you idiot." Evan sighed.

"Oh..... okay, got it! Just.. got a little confused there." Del grinned.

"The newest ship in the group and Del's already making fanfictions." Anthony shook his head in mock disappointment. We all laughed.

"Okay, so like- what are we doing first?" John asked, glancing around at the group. Everyone shrugged. "Y'all were here for like fifty minutes before we got here and you made no active choice to discuss what we were going to do?" Everyone was sort of quiet.

I sighed. "...Why don't we just like.. uh.." The guys all looked at me. "..I don't know, fuck around in Target or something?" I shrugged.

"That... is actually a good idea." Tyler nodded his head. "Let's gooooo, fuckers!" He started running off in the direction of where the Target was, dragging Craig behind him. Some of the guys ran after them and the rest of us just walked. I would've made John run with me, but we had a duty to do- make sure Brian didn't wimp the fuck out.

I nudged his shoulder then nodded my head in the direction of Brian and Brock. They were talking about something, and Brian was making Brock laugh a lot. "I think he's got this handled." 

"I mean, yeah, you're right. But I was thinking.. I have an idea." John smiled at me.

"What is it?" I asked, glancing back at the duo.

"Alright, so there's a little Ferris Wheel at the Southern End of the mall. It's all lit up for Christmas and stuff and it's really pretty, and it's even prettier at night- but when you can see the stars. So I was thinking.. we give it a few hours, but when most people have left the store, we can all get on the wheel, right? However, we're going to strike a deal with the operator of the Ferris Wheel- once Brian and Brock are at the top, they stop it for as long as it takes until they kiss. And obviously we'll be in the cart behind them so we can watch it all go down."

"...You.. are a fucking miracle of a man, John. Let's do this shit."

 

•

 

After about four hours of nonstop laughing, we decided to do one more thing before we left- and John immediately said the Ferris Wheel. Of course, I knew the reason why, and helped back him up.

"Why not? It's a nice night and besides, like, if you want to, you can make any moment on a Ferris Wheel hella romantic. So there you go. Let's go!" Without waiting for a response, I grabbed John's wrist and pulled him with me as I ran off to where the Ferris Wheel would be. "Now they don't have a choice." I smiled.

"Good thinking, buttercup. We gotta hurry though and tell the person the situation." John murmured. I sped up a bit and soon enough we reached the Ferris Wheel. Nobody was in line because it was so late, but the lady at the controls looked nice. We walked over to her.

"Excuse me, miss?" I walked up to her and she perked her head up, smiling at me.

"Hey, there. How can I help you?" She asked. John walked up and stood next to me.

"So, here's the thing. We've got a friend, and he's been helplessly in love with his best friend for probably three years now. And he likes him back." John explained, and the lady nodded, listening. "Earlier today he told me he was thinking of asking him out tonight, but he didn't know how to do it. I came up with an idea, but we'll need your help for it to work out." 

"Alright, I'm listening." She pushed her glasses up and shifted, resting on her elbow as she listened to John.

"Basically we were wondering if you could stop it so they get stuck at the top, and keep it like that for as long as it takes for them to kiss or for our friend to admit his feelings. We'll be in the cart behind them, so we can tell you if anything goes wrong and that you should probably start letting it spin again. And if it works, we'll give you a thumbs up and maybe wait five seconds, then start the cycle again. Is that a thing you can do? We can totally pay you, by the way." John pulled out his wallet.

"Oh gosh, no payments necessary, boys! I can totally do that for you. The fact that the two of you care this much about your friends says a lot about you and I'm all for spreading love, so I'm happy to help." She smiled.

"Wait, seriously?" I glanced at her, blinking.

"Yep! I just hope it works out." She glanced behind me, and I turned around. "Are those the rest of your friends?"

"Yeah, that's all of them. How much will the ride cost, can I ask? I'll pay for everyone." John started shifting through his wallet.

"Normally it's ten per person but.. I'll let you guys slide with just a total of fifty. And yeah, I know, there's more than just five of you going on- but like I said, I want this to happen!" She clapped her hands.

"Damn, you are one generous lady. Thank you so much." John handed her two twenty's and a ten and she took it, smiling.

"No problem. Now go have fun." She opened the gate and we glanced at the guys.

"Hey, fuckers. Get on." John nodded his head towards the Ferris Wheel.

"How much is it? I have like two bucks left." Evan nervously scratched at the back of his neck.

"It's nothing, I paid for everyone. Get on, hurry up!" John huffed, impatient.

"Wait, seriously? Why would you do that?" Luke glanced up and at John.

"Jesus, can't I do something nice for you guys without you questioning my motives? Just get on!" John whined. The guys started going on, and I felt myself calm down a bit when I realized Brock and Brian were at the end of the line. That way we wouldn't have to awkwardly cut in front of some of the guys to ensure we got behind them.

Once Brock and Brian were on, we got on the cart after them. John threw a pair of finger guns at the lady and she smiled, then started the ride.

"I'm so fucking hyped for this." I grinned. John smiled and pulled me closer to him, until I was pressed up against his side. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

We watched as their cart slowly made it to the top. Once it did, the ride stopped, shaking a bit. John smiled and poked his head out of the cart.

"Hey, ma'am, was that supposed to happen?" He shouted. The lady below shook her head.

"Bit of a malfunction, fellas. But don't worry, this happens every three hours or so. It shouldn't take longer than ten minutes to fix."

There was a collective groan from almost everyone on the Ferris Wheel except for us. Brian and Brock started chatting about something, probably the fact that we got stuck, and John smiled. "We are the greatest friends in the world, Smitty."

"It was all you, John. I just approved of your plan." I chuckled a bit.

"Mmmm yeah you right. I am the greatest friend ever." He smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and leaned over, then kissed his cheek.

"You really are."

•

**brian**

I felt myself shaking as I laughed at another one of his jokes. I had been in love with the boy besides me for years and now I was about to risk everything. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair, then glanced at Brock.

"Hey, Brock? Can we.. can we talk about something? It's.. been on my mind lately." I anxiously bit my lip.

Brock instantly straightened. He could tell I was serious, and he nodded. "Of course, Brian. What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

I felt like I was going to throw up, but I couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't chill with my best friend everyday knowing I was in love with him. He at least deserved to know, and if he didn't feel the same way.. then so be it.

"We've been best friends for... what, ten years now?" I asked, twiddling my thumbs a bit.

"Yeah, around that long, I'm pretty sure." Brock nodded, blinking a bit. "Why?"

"Okay. Um, here goes nothing I guess. Brock, I.. care about you. A lot. Like... a lot. You know, you've helped me in and out of some relationships before. I've done the same with you. You've helped me back into happiness when I got out of a really long relationship about three and a half years ago, and.. I realized how much I cared about you during that time. I.. fucking hell, uhm.. You.. mean the world to me, Brock. You are my fucking everything. I hate it when I can't see you over the weekend or when we don't hang out after school. You're all that I can think about. I can't meet your eyes when the guys make jokes about us because it's true. I want.. you. I want you in my arms and I want to be able to call you mine and I want to be able to show you off as my boyfriend. I want to marry you someday. I want to grow old with you. I.. I love you, Brock."

I hadn't realized it, but I had started crying at some point and I shakily wiped my face, then glanced at Brock. He was staring at me with a look of disbelief on his face. I fucked it all up, didn't I? I sniffled. "I'm sorry. I sh-shouldn't have said anything-"

I was cut off by Brock's lips meeting mine.

I froze, completely shocked at first, then kissed him back. He lifted his hands and ran his fingers through my hair, and I wrapped my hands around his neck. We stayed like that until he pulled away to breathe, and once we did, we stared at each other with stupid fucking grins.

"I love you too, Brian."

I pulled him in for another kiss, and he kissed me back.

I was kissing the love of my fucking life.

I pulled away this time but kept my arms around his neck. "...So, Brock.. will you be my boyfriend?"

"Of fucking course I'll be your boyfriend." And he kissed me again.

At some point, the Ferris Wheel started moving again, but I didn't care. I cared about him. I lifted my hands and trailed them up his neck and through his hair, smiling into the kiss. Brock pulled away, and we took a breath, then reconnected lips. I soon felt his tongue brush against my lip and I opened my mouth, letting him in. He pushed me back and I complied, laying down.

I played with his hair as we kissed- technically made out. Suddenly, loud whistles scared the shit out of the both of us.

We both jumped, parting and sitting up. I glanced over at the entrance to our cart and saw all of the guys standing outside of it, clapping. I caught John's eyes and he sent me a wink, smiling.

Something told me that the fucker was solely responsible for the "sudden malfunction" of the Ferris Wheel. I'd have to thank him later.

As I realized what they had caught us doing, I felt my face heat up. Brock chuckled and grabbed my hand, then helped me up. "Thanks, babe."

"Heh. No problem, cutie." Brock smiled and lead me out of the cart. As we approached the guys we were greeted with cheers and a lot of clapping.

I couldn't have been any happier.

•

**lukas**

As I watched Brian and Brock get swarmed with attention, I glanced at John. "I'm happy for them." I smiled.

"I am, too. They deserve this." John smiled, then glanced at me.

"I hope I end up with someone like that." I sighed a little. "Ending up being with the love of my life.."

John was the only person I could think of being in love with like that.

I wanted to be with him someday.

But for now, I guess I was okay with being his pretty little buttercup- just as long as he was my baby.


	8. Chapter 8

**john**   
  
  


_three months later_   
  
  


He reminded me of wine. The tart, but surprisingly sweet taste of it as it reaches your tongue. The little bite it gives, but the feeling you've got after taking enough of it in for a period of time is so rewarding.

He reminded me of bubblegum. Hard to get around at first- a little tough on the outside, but the inside is soft and sweet. Capable of popping, but heals back up real quick.

He reminded me of lollipops- or, more specifically, tootsie pops. It takes a while to get to the center, but once you do, you know it was worth it. Every minute you spent trying to get closer to the inside was worth it.

He is worth it.

To put into words how much I care about a boy who I had only met four months ago is.. well, I simply can't. It's impossible for me to express my love because no matter how beautiful the word sounds, or how passionately I say it, or how uncommon the word is, or how long it is, it can't match how I feel.

He was a trouvaille- or, at least he was to me. A wonderful discovery that happens by chance. It was by mere chance that he had yelled at Mr. F that day, which lead to me talking to him, and he was the loveliest boy in the world.

I felt serendipity. I wasn't looking for him. But I found him. He made me happy.

He was elysian. He was beautiful, he was gorgeous, he was creative, he was perfect.

My love for him was kalon. I didn't love him for just his looks. Of course, those were a benefit- he was the most gorgeous boy in the whole world. But no, I loved his laugh, and his jokes, and his mind, and his personality, and his fears, and his anxiety, and his occasional tear.

The immense swarm of butterflies I felt whenever I couldn't look away from his pretty eyes or beautiful smile- kilig. He made me blush. He was so, insanely beautiful.

He had me twitterpated. I was completely wrapped around his finger.

I was feeling forelsket. I was feeling such euphoria, from falling and being in love with him, but I didn't think it'd ever fade away.

My buttercup had become my rasion d'être. Of course, I had my bad days- plenty of them. I didn't stop tossing and turning at night. I didn't stop crying. However, I had something to look forward to, now. He hadn't healed me, and I hadn't healed him- that's impossible. But we were there for each other. We held each other and talked to each other and offered advice, and vented, and explained, and cried, and hugged, and felt. And not everything was okay but I was tired of sitting and pretending I wasn't in love with Lukas.

All of these beautiful words and pretty phrases couldn't describe my love. My endless desire to be there for him, to take care of him, to laugh with him, to smile at him, to wipe his tears, to make more memories with him, to touch him, to kiss him, to tell him I love him.

It was sort of a burning sensation, what I felt in my chest. It was strong and powerful and demanded to be known. But it was light and airy, and hopeful. It was passionate. It was love. I just wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and sometimes during our conversations, I'd get overcome with the feeling and would have to hold myself back from confessing then and there.

But I was tired of it. I knew I couldn't go on any longer without telling him what I felt.

I could only hope he felt the same way.

 

•

 

I knocked on Craig's door. Soon enough it opened, and I met eyes with Tyler. "John? What are you doing here?" He seemed a bit surprised.

"Please tell me I'm not interrupting you two having sex or something because I have to talk to Craig and it's really important." I sighed.

"Uh, no, you weren't. We were just chillin. Come in, I guess." Tyler stepped aside to give me room to walk in. I did, nodding my head in silent courtesy.

"Tyler? Who's here?" I heard Craig's voice and soon enough saw him coming down a hallway. "John? Is everything okay? You literally never show up uninvited." Once Craig noticed me, his expression almost immediately changed to one of concern. I smiled a bit.

"Uh, no, everything's fine. It's just..." I sighed. I hadn't talked to  _any_  of the boys how I felt about Smitty. I'm sure they caught on, of course, but after a while they started to think we were just really fuckin' affectionate friends.

"What's up, man? You can talk to me. Is it like, bad? Tyler can stay in the room, right?" Craig sat down on the couch and I sat down on the opposite end, hugging a pillow to my chest.

"Yeah, no, it's fine if he's in here. I..." I watched as Tyler sat down next to Craig, also gazing at me with a worried expression. I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. How do you lightly break it to one of your best friends that you're hopelessly in love with your  _best_ friend?

"John..?" Tyler frowned. "Dude, are you okay?"

"I- fuck. I'm fine. Like literally nothing's wrong." I sat up a bit, before slumping down in defeat once again. "Fuck. Fuck, man. I haven't- I haven't talked about it out loud before. It's just.."

"Take your time, it's alright. We're here for you." Craig offered a smile at me and I nodded.

After a few moments of silence between us, I shook my head, and stared down at the pillow in my hands.

"I'm fucking in love with Smitty."

Neither of them said anything for a few moments before Tyler cleared his throat. "You're.. in love with him..? It's not just a crush, or anything?"

I lifted my head and glanced at him. "Does it look like he's just a crush to me?" I had started to tear up a bit because my anxiety was eating away at me. What do I do? What if he doesn't like me like that? What if I tell him, and lose him? What if he hates me after this? What if he's always hated me? What if I lose him forever?

Craig stood up and wrapped me in a hug. I weakly hugged him back and cried into his shoulder. "There's- There's so many w-what if's, Craig. T-There's so fucking many."

"Calm down, John. It's okay, it's okay, I promise. Let it out. It'll be okay. You're okay. It'll all be okay." He rubbed my back and rocked us a bit. I heard movement behind me, but kept crying into Craig.

After a while, I calmed down and pulled away from Craig, sniffling. Tyler reached over and handed me a box of Kleenex, and I took it, quietly thanking him. I pulled a tissue out and blew my nose, wiping my eyes with my other hand.

"Okay, so.. obviously you care about him a lot, right?" Tyler raised an eyebrow at me before sitting down. I nodded, blinking. "And you want to be with him?"

I nodded again.

"Then ask him out." Tyler blinked, and Craig sighed.

"Tyler, babe. John has anxiety. It's not that easy." Craig glanced over at him. Tyler shook his head,

"No, I completely understand that. It's not going to be easy, and you can do it when you're ready. But if you really want this, John, you've got to do it. If Smitty likes you back- and I'm sure he does- he might not ask you out because of fears of his own. Do you want to risk that? Do you want to risk him at least never knowing how you really feel?" Tyler spoke with a completely serious tone and, while it was a new side of him, I really appreciated it. Craig glanced at me.

"...You're right." I muttered, coughing a bit. "You're totally right."

"Okay, so Tyler's right.. but how are you going to ask him out, John?" Craig frowned a bit. I shook my head, sighing.

"I have no fucking idea." I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. The idea of asking him out was terrifying by itself, but actually doing it..? "I want to make it special. I want to show him that I care."

"Craig, doesn't Ryan have a thing tonight? Not like a party, but just all of us hanging out? I mean, it'll have alcohol and shit, but like.. John, you could do it there, couldn't you?" Tyler glanced at Craig, then glanced at me. Craig nodded,

"Shit, you're right, Ty. You could totally do that, John."

"Fuck. Fuck! This- tonight!? It's just a chill thing, right? We can just be chill?" I shot up from my seat. Craig nodded.

"I.. need to go buy shit. Gotta go, thank you! Thank you, thank you!" I stood up and quickly hugged Tyler, squeezing him tight, and then did the same to Craig. I didn't wait for a response before I booked it out of the house and got in my car. When I glanced at my phone, which had been charging, I noticed multiple texts.

Smiling, I opened my phone.

**buttercup, 3:04 pm: johnny boy what is up**

**buttercup, 3:06 pm: john answer me**

**buttercup, 3:08 pm: bb please?**

**buttercup, 3:09 pm: john wtf man**

**buttercup, 3:15 pm: i've given you eleven minutes to text me back are you dead**

**buttercup, 3:16 pm: john**

**buttercup, 3:16 pm: john**

**buttercup, 3:16 pm: john**

**buttercup, 3:16 pm: john**

**buttercup, 3:16 pm: babbyyyyyy pleeeeaseeeee**

**buttercup, 3:17 pm: ughhh what am i going to do all alooooone with nobody to talk tooo :(**

**buttercup, 3:18 pm: not even the prettiest boy in the world is there to talk to meeeeee what the heck is this cruel cruel world???**

**buttercup, 3:19 pm: ugh fine i guess i'll just write a paragraph for you to smile at when you finally see these texts**

**buttercup, 3:24 pm: hey baby. i don't know what you're doin' but it's obviously important cause you normally text me back immediately, (not saying i like depend on you or that you're bad for not- oh ffs you know what i mean) so imma write. uh. things have been on my mind lately and... honestly i'm just so happy i met you, john. like i genuinely have no fuckin idea if.. if i'd even be alive right now. everything is wearing me out but you're always there to help me through it- and obviously i need to do most of it myself because it's all in my head and stuff. well, the financial shit is.. idk. but you help me. and i try to help you the best i can in return. not only that but you just make me the happiest boy in the whole wide world. whenever i see my phone light up and your name comes up on it i get the biggest smile. whenever i see you walking towards me i try to hold myself back from running up and squeezing you tightly. whenever i hear your laugh i feel like my heart's going to explode. there is not a single thing wrong about you and i am so..... uh. i'm just glad that you're my best friend. you're my baby boy. <3**

I let go of my phone and just stared at it until I couldn't read the text anymore because of my now blurry vision. I let a tear or two escape before I rubbed my eyes, sniffling. My heart was racing and I had a huge fucking grin on my face and my stomach was welcoming the butterflies back in. I also knew that if anyone saw me, they'd be confused as to why my face was so red.

He called me his  _baby boy._

It was always just baby.

He was going to be the death of me.

I plugged my phone back into the charger and buckled my seat-belt, then drove off. It was time to tell my buttercup how I felt.

 

•

 

I ran into the store and immediately glanced at the lady at the desk. "You're a florist, right?" I asked, scratching at the back of my neck. She nodded,

"I am, son. How can I help you?" She pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Uh, could you help me locate the buttercups?" I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. She nodded, then pointed behind me.

"They're down there somewhere. Probably a bit further to the left than where we are right now."

"Okay. Thank you so much, ma'am." I smiled, then took off towards that area. I successfully located the buttercups and grabbed one of the already-made bouquets. Scratching at my head, an idea came to my mind and I glanced around for the roses. Once I had located them, I pulled out a red one from some random bouquet and stuck it in mine. Looking around a little bit more, I grabbed a blue one, too, and stuck it in there. Obviously, the blue one was dyed. I quickly strolled back to the lady and purchased the flowers.

I got back to the car and drove off to the next location- Walmart. I quickly parked the car and ran into the store, sprinting to the candy aisles. I scanned my eyes through the assortment of candies before I grabbed the one I wanted- a bag of starbursts.

I quickly paid for the candies then left, folding a little piece of paper I had found in my car in half. I clicked the pen and started writing.

_Smitty,_

_I love you._

_John._

I was going to leave all this crap at his house, probably hide it in his room somewhere. I'd probably leave it by his shoes, actually, because he's always checking out his own shoes. He has a problem with that. That way, if things go wrong.. at least he knows I cared. And if things go right, he definitely knows I care.

Alright. Time to drive home, change, and then go to Smitty's and pick him up.

I was shaking, adrenaline running all throughout my veins. I was excited, but I was also scared shitless. I took a few moments to think, to calm down, and to smile. Think positive, John. Please.

Once I wasn't as shaky, I started the car and drove off. 

 

•

 

I got home and ran to my room, greeting my parents with a quick "hi mom and dad, love you, but I've gotta head out soon." I lightly tossed the stuff I had bought onto my bed and raked my closet for clothes. Eventually I found some clothes I liked and took them out, then ran to my bathroom and took a quick shower. Once I got out, I changed and blow-dryed my hair, which wasn't good for it- but I was in a rush.

I ran back to my room and slipped on my rings, then put my boots on and checked the time. "Alright, I've got five minutes to chill before I have to leave to get Smitty."

Instead of chilling I immediately grabbed my shit and ran downstairs. "Gotta go now, bye mom, bye dad, love you." I ran out to the car and put the stuff in the back, then hopped into the driver's seat and drove off. Once I got to Smitty's, I hopped out and grabbed the stuff, then walked up to the front door, knocking on it.

It opened and Smitty poked his head out, then smiled when he saw it was me. "Hey, baby. My parents are home, but I told them you were coming over, so just don't be all loud at least till we get to my room, okay?" He raised an eyebrow and I nodded, then looked behind him. When I saw that nobody was there, I quickly leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He blushed and smiled, then opened the door the rest of the way to let me in.

He shut the door behind us and walked to the stairs. I trailed behind him. He stopped when he saw his parents. "Mom, Dad, John's here."

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Smitty's parents." I smiled, joking a bit. They had told me to call them by their first names, but whenever I came over I always called them "Mr. and Mrs." and then gave them a strange last name. Erick chuckled and shook his head,

"John, are you ever going to stop with that, lad?" He asked, smiling.

"Probably not." I answered truthfully.

"Ah, well, it's fine. We always enjoy your company, even if it comes along with silly jokes." Fiona looked at me and smiled.

"Thank you!" I beamed. Smitty rolled his eyes and tugged on my hand.

"Alright, parents, we're going upstairs. We'll probably leave in half an hour." Smitty told them, then walked up the stairs. I followed him.

Once we got to his room, I plopped down onto his bed, still holding the bag. "Dude.. your bed is still so fucking comfy. How is this possible?" I chuckled, stretching.

"John, you slept in it like two days ago. It really hasn't changed that much in two days." Smitty chuckled, sitting on the edge of the bed and glancing at me.

"I'm just saying, man. It's a nice ass bed. Honestly, as excited as I am to chill with all the guys tonight, I really would just prefer to stay in here and sleep with you." I sighed, glancing longingly at the blankets.

"John, think about what you just said." Smitty chuckled at first, then started cackling as I stared at him with a confused look. I didn't get it at first, then felt my face heat up when I realized what I had just said.

"Smitty! You know what I meant you motherfucker!" I groaned and covered my face. I heard Smitty chuckle, and then soon my hands were being removed from my face.

"Aw come on, don't cover your pretty face, baby boy."

That nickname was actually going to kill me. I felt myself blush even more and glanced away. I tensed a bit as I felt Smitty's thumb sliding down my cheek, and he leaned forward and pressed a little kiss to my cheek.

"You're cute when you blush." Smitty decided, then walked off to his closet. I blushed and covered my face with a pillow. "I'm already wearing what I'm wearing to Ohm's, but I need help deciding what shoes to wear. John, help me, please?" He whined a bit at the end, and I sighed. Reluctantly, I tossed the pillow off to the side and stood, then walked over to his closet. I examined his outfit.

"Hmm. Cute outfit for a cute boy. Wear those shoes." I watched, smiling, as Smitty blushed, then complied. He slipped the pair of shoes that I had pointed out on and then glanced at me.

"Thanks, baby." He hugged me.

"You are oddly affectionate today, y'know that?" I chuckled a bit, then hugged him back.

"I am? Hmm. I guess I'm just happy." Smitty rocked us back and forth a bit, and I smiled, then kissed the top of his head.

"Well, I'm happy that you're happy. You deserve the bestest, buttercup."

"So do you, baby boy."

"What's up with that, by the way? It came out of nowhere and I'm older than you, anyways. I mean, I'm not saying I don't like it- I uh, like it a lot, actually." I awkwardly chucked a bit. Smitty grinned.

"I dunno. It's a cute nickname for an even cuter boy." Smitty hummed. I blushed,

"Oh."

After that, neither of us really said anything. We just held each other, smiling and quietly enjoying the other's company. Eventually though, Smitty pulled away and checked the time on his watch. "We've gotta go soon, baby. I gotta go pee real quick and then we'll go, okay?" He glanced at me, already making his way to the bathroom.

"Alrighty! I'll be waiting." I watched as he left. Once he had fully left the room, I grabbed the bag and took out everything in it. I propped up the bouquet in one corner, then stuck the card inside of it and put the bag of starbursts next to it. I made sure it was right next to his shoes, so there was no way he'd miss it.

I shut his closet door and hopped back onto the bed, enjoying the comfiness of it. When Smitty entered the room again, he chuckled and shook his head at me. "Dumbass. Come on, baby, let's go."

I nodded, then rolled off the bed and followed him out of his room. He quickly said goodbye to his parents and I also gave them a quick "see ya later" before we were out of the house. I hopped into the driver's seat and shut the door, then buckled my seat-belt. Smitty opened the door and got in.

"You're too slow, man." I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in mock disappointment.

"You get things done too quickly, John. People too, sometimes." Smitty clapped back without missing a beat and I laughed. He buckled his seat belt and glanced at me, then flipped me off.

"Fuck you, Smithers." I smiled and started the car, then drove away.

"Aw, but you love me, Johnny boy." Smitty chuckled.

"Yeah, I do." I smiled.

As we drove to Ohm's place, we joked and talked about what we were excited for. I was listening to everything he had to say, but I couldn't help but be filled with anxiety as I knew what was going to happen at the end of the night. 

 

•

 

We got to Ohm's house and tried opening the door. To our surprise, it swung wide open- it hadn't been shut all the way. I frowned, then walked inside, holding the door open for Smitty. Once he had stepped in, I shut the door- all the way.

I looked around and glanced around for any familiar faces. Daithi and Lui were on the couch, playing a video game of some sort. They had actually started dating about three weeks ago and it took everyone by surprise, but we quickly realized how much they liked each other. They really were a perfect pair.

"Match made in heaven, John. I'm surprised they didn't start dating earlier, if I'm honest." Smitty glanced at me. I smiled and looked over at him,

"I was just thinking the same thing, pretty much. Like, damn. There's so much chemistry between them. Anyways, where the hell is Ryan at?"

"Probably drunkenly making out with Luke in the bathroom. Or hooking up with him. Neither of them can hold their alcohol, fuckin' lightweights." Smitty shook his head.

"Buttercup, you barely even drink." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"That's just cause I don't want to. I tried getting drunk once and I literally couldn't get drunk cause I probably would have died from alcohol poisoning if I drank enough to get me drunk." He shrugged.

"Well, damb. I'm glad you didn't accidentally drink yourself to death." I smiled and leaned over, kissing the top of his head.

"Yeah, I am too."

"Now come on, let's go find the guys and have some fun." I took his hand and intertwined our fingers, and we made our way to the kitchen.

 

•

 

We had been there for about seven and a half hours. Everything was winding down and apparently nobody had any idea where Ryan or Luke was. I was absolutely full to the brim of anxiety because I knew I had to talk to Smitty soon.. about.. everything.

Right now, we were playing Mario Kart- but whoever got last had to take a dare. I had just lost, and it was totally fucking unfair, but whatever.

"Alright jackasses- you're all fucking cheaters, by the way- what's my dare?" I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. Craig piped up,

"How about.. a confession? One of your secrets. To someone.. uh.. Tyler, you can pick who. And then the person gets to decide if they want to share it or not." He smiled, and I knew  _immediately_ what he was doing.

"Uhhh... I don't fuckin' know. Smitty, I guess." Tyler shrugged, and threw a wink at me. I sighed.

"Okay, fine, whatever. Fuck you guys. Smitty, come here and I'll tell it to you in the kitchen." I got up and took his hand, then made my way to the kitchen.

"Hmm. I get to hear one of John's secrets? Sign me up." Smitty chuckled. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, whatever." We stopped in the kitchen by the island in the middle of the room, and I took a breath. "Let me think of one for a bit, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, baby boy. Take your time." Smitty smiled and leaned over, kissing my nose. I blushed a lot and glanced down, trying to steady my breathing.

John.. slow down. Take it easy. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. You're fine. This will work out fine.

I took a minute or two to calm myself down before I started talking, my voice shaking.

"..So, Smitty, we've known each other for four months now. That isn't very long, but it's also a pretty long time, if you really think about it. And even if it isn't that long, we connected immediately. We became the best of friends." I paused, glancing at him. He was staring at me, his expression unreadable. I blinked, then kept going. "And.. over these months, you know, I've.. gotten to know you better.. and better.. and better.. and I like who you are as a person. I like.. everything about you, Smitty. I like who you are, and what your dreams are, and what makes your creativity flow, and your sense of humor. I like your beautiful eyes and your pretty smile. Except I don't just.. like those things, Smitty. I.. I love them. I love you." I bit my lip and stared down at the ground. After he didn't say anything for a while, I glanced up and noticed that his eyes were watering. He opened his mouth to say something, but as fate would have it, I would never know what he was going to say.

Instead, an arm came from nowhere and pushed him against the wall. That arm belonged to Luke, and he used his other arm to reach forward and cup Smitty's face with his hand. I couldn't see what was happening, and so I stood.

I wish I hadn't.

Locking lips. They were locking lips.

I felt.. nothing, but things started happening. My eyes teared up. My heart hurt. My stomach hurt. My breathing got heavy. My head starting pounding. Black edges creeped up on me from the sides of my vision. Never before had I lost so much hope..

..all at once.

I was stupid. A stupid, stupid fool. To think that Smitty would love me.

I was a fucking idiot.

I bit my lip, hard, to stop the tears from flowing, and moved. I didn't hear what was happening. I didn't see what was happening. Something happened, I just didn't know what it was. I didn't want to know what it was. I left.

I threw the door open and stumbled outside, then started crying, even though I didn't want to. I had to have expected this. I should have seen it coming. Why was I so fucking stupid?

I walked down the front steps and gripped onto the railing, shaking terribly. I could barely fucking walk. I couldn't breathe, at all. But I had to leave. I had to leave.

I had to leave, I had to leave, I had to leave, I had to leave.

That's the only thing I could think, other than panicking because I couldn't breathe and my head felt like it was going to explode.

As I walked to my car, I heard a voice calling my name. I couldn't identify who it was from and it seemed so distant and oddly muffled that I thought I had imagined it. I heard it again, and proceeded to ignore it.

I got in my car.

I slammed the door.

I drove away.

I drove far, far away. And eventually, when I couldn't drive anymore, I pulled over on the side of an empty street.

And then I cried.


	9. Chapter 9

**lukas**

 

I pressed my lips tightly together so Luke couldn't actually kiss me, and I struggled to get him off of me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Craig and Tyler stumble into the room with Ryan right behind them. On the other side of the room, John was making his way towards the door. I already felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Luke, get the fuck off of me!" I shouted, pushing against his chest.

"Luke, what the fuck!?" Ryan sounded pissed. He grabbed Luke's arm and tried pulling him off of me, but Luke didn't budge.

"LUKE, GET OFF OF SMITTY." Tyler shouted. Craig reached over and grabbed Luke's other arm and together, Ryan and Craig pulled him off of me. I shook, panting, then ran towards the door and flung it open. John was almost in his car.

"JOHN!" I shouted his name, not even caring that everyone in the house was probably unbelievably confused. He paused briefly, then kept walking. That wasn't like him. He wasn't okay. "JOHN, PLEASE! BABY! JOHN!" I trembled. My voice cracked in the middle of me speaking and the door opened behind me. I fell to my knees, sobbing, as I watched his car drive away. Someone wrapped their arms around me, hugging me.

"Calm down, Smitty. It's alright." Tyler rubbed my back. I shook uncontrollably and cried into him.

"He's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone- he's gone, Tyler! It's all my fucking fault- I'm such a t-t-terrible fucking person, Tyler- oh no, oh no.. Tyler.." Words came flying out of my mouth as I tried to form sentences, but nothing made sense and I was aware of it. I hadn't been drinking, I was just fucking heartbroken.

"He s-said he loved me and then he watched me k-kiss someone else and I sh-should have chased after him! John- John isn't okay, Tyler, please, go- go see him, Tyler.. Tyler he's not okay." I curled my fingers around the back of Tyler's shirt and flinched as I heard yelling  coming from inside of the house.

"I'll go get someone to figure out where he is, okay? He'll be fine, Smitty, don't worry. You need to calm down."

"I can't  _fucking_ calm down, Tyler! I- I just.. I just ruin everything," I wept. Tyler lifted his head to move it away from my ear as he called out to the rest of the house.

"Daithi! Lui! Anthony!? Brian! Brock! Someone that's not yelling right now come the fuck out here!"

I watched as the door flew open and Anthony, Brock, and Marcel walked outside. They all looked so confused. "What happened, Tyler!?" Marcel glanced at me with a worried expression, then looked back at Tyler. I started shaking again and kept crying.

"Luke got drunk off of his ass and fucked everything up is what happened, Marcel! Did any of you guys drive here?" Tyler yelled at them, but quietly. He rubbed my back, frowning.

"I drove," Anthony nodded.

"Good. All three of you, please go and find John. I think he had a panic attack, and he's not at all stable right now, and he might hurt himself if he can't calm down. He took that street." Tyler pointed to the street that John drove down. That he took to leave. To leave me. I started crying harder.

"Yeah, let's go, now. Come on, guys." Brock started making his way down the stairs, with Anthony close behind him.

"Tell them where we're going, okay?" Marcel glanced at Tyler, who gave him a curt nod. Afterwards, Marcel quickly followed Anthony and Brock. They got in Anthony's car and then drove away, taking the same street that John did.

"What if they d-don't find him, Ty-Tyler? What if he's hurt? It's all- all- all-" I couldn't breathe, and I started coughing. Tyler shook his head,

"Smitty, breathe, please. Breathe. You have to calm down. I know it's hard right now but you have to calm down, for your sake as well as everyone else's." Tyler murmured, rubbing my back in circular motions.

I tried to breathe, and slowly started to catch my breath. "I- I fucked up, so b-badly, Tyler."

"Smitty, none of this is your fault, okay? Luke fucked up tonight, and he.. well, he's getting yelled at, right now." Tyler explained, talking softly.

"But John- John doesn't- he thinks that-" I started to panic again.

"Smitty. Breathe." Tyler sighed. The door opened and I watched as Scotty came out with a pissed off look on his face, but with a glass of water in his hands. He bent down and handed it to me.

"Here, Smitty. Figured you might need it."

I pulled away from Tyler and shakily took the cup from Scotty. "Thank you, Scott." He nodded, sitting down next to us. I started slowly sipping at the water.

Scotty looked at Tyler. "What the fuck is happening?"

Tyler sighed. "John talked to Smitty and confessed that he had feelings for him. Then Luke, who is currently fucking  _wasted,_ waltzed over and tried making out with Smitty. Smitty didn't let him kiss him, but John had a really shitty view of what was happening and I'm pretty sure he thought they were kissing. This sent him straight into a panic attack and he left. Brock, Anthony, and Marcel are out looking for him right now. Smitty can't calm down and I'm worried that he's going to have an anxiety attack of his own if he doesn't calm down soon. What's happening with Luke, right now?"

Scotty took it all in with a look of sadness on his face. "Like you said, he's wasted. Ryan's sobbing and Craig is fucking livid. Almost punched Luke in the face- Daithi stopped him before he could, though. Before I came out here, Daithi was still trying to calm Craig down and Lui was talking to Ryan, trying to get him to chill. Brian's yelling at Luke I guess, before Craig beats his ass. This night got so fucking shitty so quickly." He sighed.

Tyler shook his head. "I don't think Luke ever really liked Ryan. I think he that he saw him as convenient- a fuckbuddy, pretty much, and once Ryan wanted to take things more seriously, Luke didn't like that. This has been happening for a while now- not this exactly, but Luke getting wasted and not wanting to do shit with Ryan."

"Fucking Christ, man." Scotty ran his fingers through his hair, then glanced at me. I was still taking little sips of the water, trying to calm down. I kept tearing up every few seconds because something would make me feel guilty and relive the moment all over again. "You alright, Smitty?"

I didn't say anything, but simply shook my head. "You're calming down, that's a good thing." Tyler observed. I offered a simple shrug in response, sniffling. I leaned my head on Tyler's shoulder, seeking comfort, and he rubbed my back. "This'll all work out fine, Smitty. It might take a bit of time, and a lot of explaining, but you and John will be happy in no time."

"You guys have known him for.. like.. ever, pretty much. I always thought he was a really big douchebag, until I actually talked to him." I spoke up a bit, sniffling. Scotty and Tyler didn't say anything, listening to me. "We hung out the first day we actually met, and I fell into his trap, then and there. He's the most charming, prettiest, funniest, sweetest boy I've ever met. I.. was thinking about asking him out soon,  but.. my anxiety.. I could never do that, and I knew I couldn't. Now what might have been the only chance for us to be together... is ruined." I sighed, then sipped my water.

"Hey, Smitty, did John ever mention Victoria to you?" Scotty asked, blinking.

"I.. don't know who that is." I shook my head.

"Okay, so he didn't. Well, on the day you two first started talking, he had just broken up with his girlfriend of five months." Scott explained. I stared at him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Are.. you sure.. about that? I literally spent the night at his house the first night we met." I murmured, blinking. "Wait, actually- I remember him very briefly mentioning her."

"I don't know what it was about you that made John fall, but he fell for you immediately, and hard. Of course, he denied it- but we all knew. Eventually though it sort of seemed like you guys were just.. affectionate, and happy as friends, so we dropped the whole thing and just let the two of you be. I guess we were right." Scotty shrugged.

Tyler nodded, "He explained what you did in science class that day and made you seem like a legend. Now that I know you, I know you're a total fuckin' nerd, so obviously John was infatuated if he talked about you like that." He chuckled a bit.

"I'm not a nerd!" I defended myself, then frowned. "Wait, no. I am a total nerd. Whatever."

They both laughed a bit and I felt a tiny smile form on my lips. I kept drinking my water. "Anyways, he wouldn't stop talking to you. Even as you guys got closer, over the months, he would send texts to our group-chat- the one you weren't in, and you weren't in it cause you were literally the only topic of discussion." Tyler rolled his eyes. "It got annoying, sometimes. Like, Jesus, man. All of us were always yelling at him to ask you out already." He smiled.

Scotty nodded. "Yeah. It was ridiculous. Everyday we'd just get random texts in the middle of class that said shit like 'Smitty is the cutest boy ever' or 'Smitty and I belong together' or shit, he'd just spam 'damb' in the group-chat. I'm genuinely surprised nobody murdered him."

"I'm sure we all came close multiple, multiple times. But then we were like, well maybe he'll end up with Smitty or he'll just shut the fuck up one day and we'll make Smitty take care of him- regardless of which outcome it is." Tyler shrugged. I chuckled.

"I mean, you weren't wrong." I nodded, then sipped my water again. I glanced up as the door opened and an upset Craig walked outside, along with Daithi.

"Smitty, are you alright?" Craig asked, frowning.

"I'm..as alright as alright can be, right now. Tyler and Scotty helped calm me down. But I can't guarantee that I won't end up breaking down again, like five minutes from now." I murmured.

"Well, it's good that you're calm." Craig nodded.

"What's it lookin' like in there, right now?" Scotty looked up at Craig and Daithi.

Daithi spoke. "Uh, we're pretty sure Brian might have just broken-or at least  _heavily_ bruised his knuckles- and he definitely broke Luke's nose." He sighed.

"Jesus. What caused that?" Tyler asked, his eyes widening a bit.

"I think Luke was explaining that he would have preferred to take Smitty home than getting pulled off of him and Brian just got fucking pissed, which is totally reasonable. Like, what the fuck is wrong with him? There's so many things wrong with that, y'know?" Daithi crossed his arms over his chest. A quiet silence spread over the group, and I started losing control of my breathing.

"T-Tyler? I can't breathe again." I started shaking, and Tyler pulled me closer to him again. I tried calming down, but the tears ended up coming back anyways. I didn't sob this time, I just quietly cried. Now I had to be afraid of Luke. I didn't want to. Luke was cool. But.. he scared me.

My head shot up when the door flung open and Luke walked out of it, holding onto Brian's arm and dragging him out with him. "Let go of me, you motherfucker." Brian spat.

"I can't feel my nose, Brian. So now, you won't be able to either." Luke muttered. Daithi quickly moved to pull Brian away from Luke, but got elbowed in the neck. He groaned and stumbled backwards, clutching at his neck. I tensed up.

"Luke, are you fucking insane!?" Brian tried tearing his arm away from Luke, but hissed in pain instead and reluctantly stopped struggling. Craig straightened a bit, then suddenly punched Luke. In the nose. Further damaging it.

Luke swore and clutched at his nose, digging his hand even further into Brian's arm, and twisting it. Brian groaned in pain, and spoke through gritted teeth. "Luke, I hope you realize you're probably going to jail, you absolute fucking psychopath."

"I'll take Smitty with me, then." Luke smiled a smile that sent chills down my spine, and I felt Tyler tighten his arms around me. I froze, and my breathing quickened.

"In your dreams, bitch." Daithi muttered. "Luke, you've got two options- leave right now, don't look back, and never talk to us again. That way, we don't have any problems. Or, you could do this the hard way, and end up in prison."

"Give me Lukas. And I'll go." Luke glared at Daithi, then looked around at everyone before locking eyes with me. "Come on, Lukas."

I felt my breathing speed up again, and I started to shake even more.

"Tyler, please let me go." I quietly whispered. "Just trust me, okay?"

Tyler very hesitantly let go of me and everyone looked at him like he was crazy. I stood up, and walked over to Luke.

"L-Let go of Brian, Luke." I demanded, staring at him in the eyes. Luke slowly blinked, then smiled.

"Sure." He threw Brian's arm down, then let go of it. Brian gasped and clutched at the part of his arm that Luke had held. It was bleeding, because of Luke's nails, and was already bruising.

"Now let's go, Lukas." Luke smiled and held his hand out.

"..Luke, I thought you were a c-cool guy for a while, but now I'm pretty sure you're f-fucking insane." I shook my head. He frowned and tilted his head at me.

"What? What did I do?" Luke gasped.

"Only the people I really c-care about can call me Lukas. And I do not care about you." I suddenly felt full of anger. I was angry at myself, at my anxiety, at the world, and most importantly- at Luke. Suddenly, Luke lashed out and punched me in the face. I stumbled back, then quickly caught myself and glanced at him, ignoring the immense pain in the left side of my face.

"So it's S-Smitty to you," I lifted my fist and punched him in the cheek, watching him stumble. Then, before he could make another move, I grabbed his wrists with both of my hands. "You piece of shit."

I glanced at the guys, who were staring at me with shocked expressions. "A little h-help, please." Daithi and Craig quickly took Luke from me and brought him down the stairs to the sidewalk in front of the house. Scotty pulled out his phone and called 911. Brian had gone inside to take care of his arm. Tyler stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm s-scared, Tyler. What happened to Luke?"

"I don't know, Smitty. But it's going to be okay. He won't hurt you, or anyone else, ever again."

I watched as Anthony's car pulled up in front of the house. However, he was the only one who stepped out of the car. He stared at us with a shocked expression, then quickly brushed past Daithi and Craig and made his way over to Tyler and I.

"Tyler. What the  _fuck_ happened?" Anthony whisper-shouted.

"Luke's a fucking psychopath. He's got some weird obsession with Smitty. And then Brian punched him and his nose is broken and then Luke got a hold of Brian's arm and pulled him outside and Craig punched his nose again and then Luke said he'd only leave if Smitty went with him and so Smitty stood up and then called Luke a piece of shit and Luke punched Smitty and then Smitty punched Luke and detained him then gave him off to Daithi and Craig. Scotty's on the phone with 911 right now and Ryan, Brian, and Lui are inside." Tyler explained most of that in one breath.

I pulled away from Tyler and glanced at Anthony. "Is John okay? Where are Brock and Marcel at?" I asked, frowning.

Anthony nodded. "John's fine. He was pulled over on some deserted, random street, just crying. Brock and Marcel drove him home in that car and they're still there, taking care of him. I came back because somebody had to tell you guys that he was fine."

I felt a huge wave of relief lap at me and I sighed. "My f-face hurts." I muttered. Soon, sirens were audible in the distance and we all lifted our heads, waiting. Four police cars showed up and an ambulance did, too. The police got out of the car and made our way over to us. Two of them went up to Daithi, Luke, and Craig, and the other six made their way up the stairs. Two of them stopped with us and the other four went inside the house.

"Gentlemen, can any of you explain what happened?" One of them asked. I sighed and Tyler began explaining, with Scotty helping. I started shaking again.

"Is he okay?" The lady officer glanced at me. Anthony shook his head.

"Anxiety. He's also in pain." He frowned. The officer blinked, then held her hand out. "Come with me, there's some painkillers in the ambulance. Your friends are busy explaining and you don't look like you're stable enough to walk on your own."

After glancing around at my friends and watching them all give me little nods, telling me I should go, I took her hand. She helped me down the stairs and I tensed as we neared Luke. "Don't worry, son. He won't be able to hurt you again. When this all blows over, if he's not in jail, you can get a restraining order on him." She patted my back and I sniffled.

"Oh, and that crush of yours? It'll work out. I fell in love, when I was your age. The two of us have been married for... forty-three years. She's the love of my life." She smiled and we approached the ambulance. I blinked, a bit surprised as she mentioned a wife, instead of a husband, but I smiled.

"You think so?"

"I really do."

"Th-Thanks." I sniffled a bit. She started talking to someone and I stood, patiently waiting, and then she turned and handed me two painkillers. I took them, repeating what I had said just a few moments ago, and then popped them into my mouth, washing it down with my water.

She slung her arm around my shoulders and helped me get back to the house. I watched as Luke was soon handcuffed and walked to the police car. Daithi and Craig walked over to me and the police officer.

"Smitty, are you alright?" Daithi spoke first. I nodded, then shrugged a bit. The officer patted my back and gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze, then walked up the stairs to join the officers that were still talking to Tyler and Scotty.

"I mean.. I'm still really shaken up, I guess. And I'm so worried about John." I sighed, then sat down on the steps. They both sat next to me, one on either side.

"It'll all work out fine, Smitty. Okay? You guys can get through this." Craig rested his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, I know. But do you know how hard it's going to be? To talk to him? To have to explain to him? I.. I fucking hurt him. So much. He shouldn't have to talk to someone like me. Someone who fucks up like this.. so often.. so badly." I bit my lip, and stared at the ground.

"Hey, man. This is not your fault, in any way, shape, or form. It's Luke's fault." Daithi shook his head. I sighed,

"I mean.. I guess, but I didn't go after John. I didn't chase after him. No, instead, I collapsed and started sobbing, like the weak motherfucker I am. I had hurt him and I couldn't stop him from leaving. What if he had gotten hurt? What if John was distracted and hurt himself while driving? I... I never would have forgiven myself." I hugged my knees to my chest, sniffling.

"Smitty, it was better off that you let him go. Neither of you were in the right shape to talk. The entire situation was confusing and John needed space." Craig frowned. "Daithi, what time is it?"

"It's twelve thirty." He replied, glancing up and over at Craig. Craig patted my back.

"Smitty, you've got to head home. It's been a long, tiring night and you really need your rest. That bruise is going to hurt like a bitch in the morning, so it's better to get some sleep and start the healing process and quick as possible." Craig stood up, and held his hand out to me. "Come on, I'll drive you."

"Can I come with?" Daithi asked. Craig nodded, and I took his hand. He helped me up and I sniffled, then turned around when I watched the police officers make their way back to their cars and start talking to each other. Tyler, Anthony and Scotty bounded down the steps.

"Smitty, you any better?" Tyler asked, pulling me in for another hug. I gratefully accepted it, nodding.

"A little. But you know, still all fucked up." I sighed, then pulled away.

"It'll get better." Tyler nodded. I shrugged, then glanced up at the house when I heard the door open. Lui and Brian stepped out, a patch of gauze wrapped around Brian's arm and a some little band-aids on his knuckles.

Speaking of knuckles, I looked down at mine to see that they were  _fucked._ My face was probably all fucked up, too. I was not looking forward to waking up the next morning- if I ever got to sleep at all.

They walked down the stairs and over to us. Lui held his arms out and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back. Soon, Brian hugged us, and then Anthony did, and then we were all hugging. I felt my eyes start watering again and the fresh, hot tears threatened to fall. I sniffled, and we slowly broke apart. "I'm so happy that I can call each and every one of you my friend." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

"We're happy you're our friend, too, Smitty." Anthony smiled.

"Lukas. Call me Lukas." I dropped my hands. "I trust all of you, and you all mean a lot to me. You can still call me Smitty, of course, but you can call me Lukas, too."

They all smiled. "Damb, our group of friends is the bestest group of friends, isn't it?" Brian asked, smiling.

"Hell yeah it is!" Tyler cheered.

"Alright, boys. I'm taking Smitty home, Daithi's coming with me. Anyone else want to come?" Craig glanced around at the group. "I can only fit three more people in the car- and Lukas is sitting in front, of course."

Tyler, Scotty, and Brian all immediately raised their hands. The rest of the boys did, too, but not as quickly as those three- so they slowly put them back down. "Okay, so I guess say your goodbyes now."

All of the guys gave me a hug and once I had hugged the last one of them who wanted a hug, I heard the door open once more. I turned and watched as Ryan walked out of it and down the stairs, then over to me. "Smitty.. I'm so sorry about what he did. I.. never thought he would do something like that... can you forgive me?" Ryan bit his lip. It was obvious he had been crying.

I pulled him in for a hug. "Ohm, what he did isn't your fault. He's a fucking prick. You deserve better." He hugged me back, shaking slightly. I rubbed his back, and he calmed down a bit. Soon I pulled away. "I have to go, but please take care of yourself, okay?"

He offered a small nod. "Yeah, I will. You too, though." I smiled, then turned and started making my way to Craig's car. I felt a headache coming on and sighed. The police walked over to the rest of the group and informed them on whatever was happening, but I didn't care enough to stay and listen. Instead I slipped into the passenger's seat, put my seat-belt on, and shut my eyes.

 

•

 

I felt arms around me, and whoever was holding me was moving. I heard shuffling, then a thud, which was paired with a quiet "fuck!" I proceeded to slowly and very groggily open my eyes. I looked up and saw Tyler's face, and realized he was carrying me to.. somewhere.

"Tyler? Where.. am I? What's happening..?" I asked, yawning.

"You're at home, Lukas. The rest of the boys are downstairs telling your parents what happened- well, not everything, but that some drunk guy punched you after you and John got into an argument. They won't bother you tonight, but expect a lot of concern in the morning." Tyler smiled a bit. I hummed,

"Blah.. blah. Okay, whatever." I sighed. Tyler walked into my room and put me down on my bed, and I sat up, yawning.

"Lukas. Sleep. Go to bed." Tyler glanced at me and sighed.

"No, these aren't comfy clothes to sleep in. Besides, I.. usually don't get a lot of sleep. I have insomnia and I can't fall asleep immediately." I frowned and scratched at my head, then stood up after taking my shoes off. I made my way to my closet, heading there with the intentions of putting my shoes away.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry. You still have to try to sleep, though. Seriously man, your face is definitely going to be  _hella_ fucked up in the morning." Tyler frowned.

"Oh, trust me.. I know. My jaw is sore and I can already feel my eye swelling. There's no way I don't have a black eye." I sighed, then shrugged. "But it is what it is." I opened my closet door, and quickly put my shoes back in their spot. I went to close it when I froze.

A bouquet, a bag of starbursts, and a piece of paper.

"Alright, well, I'm going to head downstairs.. Smitty?" Tyler trailed off. "What are you staring at?"

I bit my lip and my eyes twitched a bit as I struggled to hold back tears. Tyler walked over to me and glanced into the closet, then immediately frowned. I leaned over and grabbed the piece of paper, then picked it up and opened it.

_Smitty,_

_I love you._

_John._

The tears came out all at once. They poured out like they were busting through a dam, and the dam was my heart. Throughout the night, it had broken terribly in several, several places, and the emotions just made their way through it- but now it had collapsed. The dam wasn't standing any longer. It was still there, and it still had the potential to work.. it was just in shambles.

Tyler reached over and wrapped me in a hug, and I hugged him back. I buried my face into his shirt and clutched him tightly, sobbing. I shook, hard, and made ugly noises as I cried into him. He quietly tried to calm me down, rubbing my back again.

The door flung open and I heard people walk in. "What happened!?" Daithi spoke up. Tyler moved his arm and pointed at the closet. I wasn't watching it happen,  but I could tell because of the way he moved his arm off of me for a few seconds. He quickly returned to trying to soothe me, though.

The boys walked over to us and an uneasy silence spread across the room- except for my sobbing, of course.

"Keep crying. It's okay, Lukas. Just let it out." Tyler kept rubbing my back, and spoke quietly to me, comforting me. I cried harder and started shaking. "Hey- you can cry, but don't freak out on me, please. You don't need to panic right now."

I tried to slow my breathing and steadily started calming down. Eventually, I stopped crying, and pulled away from Tyler. I groaned, and lazily walked over to my bed. At this point I didn't even care about changing. I plopped down onto my bed, sighing. The guys all gazed at me, frowning.

"Goodbye hugs?" I asked, sitting up a bit and extending my arms.

"Lukas, you've got insomnia. How are you going to sleep?" Tyler frowned. Most of the guys glanced at him.

I shrugged. "I mean, I'll fall asleep, I just probably won't fall asleep for another hour or two- and then, once I do get to sleep, I won't be able to sleep for too long. Normally I have meds to help me sleep but it's a prescription and it's sort of expensive. I have two left, enough for one good night of sleep, but I'm afraid of using them in case I need them some other time." I explained, frowning.

"Smitty, that other time? That's right now." Craig crossed his arms over his chest, gazing at me and frowning.

"Yeah, no, seriously Lukas. You need to get your sleep, especially right now. You're in no state to go on without sleeping." Brian shook his head, frowning.

"Hey, man, if you ever need help with shit like that, you can talk to us. I know you usually go to John, but sometimes just one person isn't enough. How much is the prescription?" Scotty frowned.

"It's like.. fifty dollars a month. Why?" I watched as Scotty pulled his wallet out and grabbed a dollar, then threw it at me. I picked up and looked at it, then realized it was fifty dollars- not just one.

"Scotty, what the fuck? I can't take this from you!" I furrowed my eyebrows and glanced at him. He was already slipping his wallet back into his pocket.

"You are my friend, and I care about you, so yes, you can definitely take this, and you will." Scotty shrugged. "It's just the way it is, man. I'm sorry."

I stared at him, mouth agape, before I slowly shut it, shaking my head. "Jesus, I hate you guys."

"Where are your meds at, Lukas? I'll go fetch them for ye." Daithi asked, blinking.

"They're in the bathroom down the hall." I murmured, watching as he made his way to the door. "Thank you, David!"

"Oh, I'll go get you water. You'll probably need that." Brian murmured, and walked out of the room.

"Thanks, Brian..!" I blinked, then sighed. "Have I been that incapable of doing anything today?"

"No, that's not it. Today affected everyone, Lukas, and none of us want to see anyone get any more hurt than they already are. So we're all just doing our best to chip in." Craig explained, blinking.

"Oh. I mean.. I appreciate it, a lot. I just feel like a burden." I frowned, grabbing the blankets and cuddling up in them. Tyler shook his head,

"You're not a burden, Smitty. Don't think that way, please."

"What he said. We care about you, Lukas, and are willingly doing this." Scotty nodded.

"Okay." I sighed. Soon, the door opened again and Daithi and Brian walked into the room. They separately handed me my meds and a glass of water, and I thanked them. I took the meds and then drank some of the water, then set it on the little bedside cabinet next to my bed.

"Alright, Lukas. I think we're going to head back to Ryan's and figure out what's happening, then go to our separate homes. We'll discuss what happened in the morning in the groupchat, okay?" Craig glanced at me, and I nodded.

"Okay. Can I have goodbye hugs now?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck. They nodded. Brian went first. He walked over to me and hugged me, rubbing my back.

"Take care of yourself, alright man? Shit may be rough right now but you can't neglect yourself." I hugged him back, nodding, and then pulled away.

"Thanks, Brian." I smiled. He nodded and stepped to the side. Daithi came over next, and he hugged me tightly.

"You are one hell of a fucking fighter, by the way." He chuckled, and I hugged him back. "So fight through this, and fight for John, okay? You can get through this, Lukas." He soon pulled away and smiled at me.

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, I'll fight. Thank you, David." I murmured. He threw me a thumbs up before walking over by Brian.

Up came Scotty, and he approached me with a huge grin on his face. "I better not see that fifty again, because you better have spent it on your meds." He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, asshole, I'll spend it on my prescription. Thank you for that, though, by the way." I reached up and hugged him, and he hugged me back.

"It's no problem, like I said. I just want you to get better." Scott murmured, then pulled away from me and smiled. "Alright, can't take up too much time- those two are probably going to hug you to death. But seriously, Lukas, take it easy tomorrow, okay? Don't stress too much."

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try. Thanks, Scott." I nodded my head, smiling. I watched as Scotty walked away, and Craig walked up to me.

"I know it's tough, but you've got this. You're going to power through it and you'll end up with John and you two will live happily ever after. If you need anything tomorrow, you can shoot me a text and I'll be there as soon as possible with whatever you need, alright?" Craig spoke as he wrapped me in a warm hug. I nodded, hugging him back.

"Thanks, Craig. And yeah, I'll text you if I need something. Your hugs are warm, you know that?" I smiled a bit. He chuckled.

"I've been told. Just.. stay safe, okay?" Craig pulled away from me and glanced at me, and I nodded.

"I will, I promise. Thanks." I nodded, yawning a tiny bit. Craig walked away and Tyler immediately wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug.

I sighed and hugged him back, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Thank you for letting me cry all over you tonight. I appreciated it a lot, Tyler. You helped calm me down and.. well shit, it's not really easy to calm me down. I feel like we were sort of distant before tonight but this.. shitty event.. strengthened our bond, I think."

"I think you're right about that, Smitty. We need to just hang and kick it one of these days. John and Craig are best friends, anyways, so they'll need their bro days. We can have our own bro days." Tyler smiled, and I chuckled.

"Yeah, you're right. But seriously. Thank you."

"You're welcome, of course, but you don't need to thank me. I was doing what literally every one of us here would have done- it just so happened that I was there first. I know I've told this to you a thousand times tonight, but things are going to work out, okay? I promise." Tyler smiled and pulled away, then ruffled my hair a bit. I rolled my eyes, but smiled at him.

"Okay. Thank you, Tyler. Seriously."

Tyler nodded, then stepped back and walked over to the guys. "Alright, well, we've gotta go, now. Lukas, you go the fuck to bed, okay?" Tyler raised his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Could you turn the lights off on your way out, please?" I smiled. "But uh, goodnight, guys. Thank you."

The guys all said bye one last time, then left, making sure to shut the door and turn the lights off. As I laid there in my bed, I started to toss and turn. I couldn't fall asleep. What if the meds weren't working?

After a little while, I felt my eyes become heavy. I yawned again, then soon found a comfortable position.

As I drifted off into sleep, the only thought that made itself present in my mind was John.

Him and his broken cries.


	10. Chapter 10

**john**

 

A week had passed and I hadn't gone to school. Somehow, I managed to convince my parents I had the flu and I spent my days in my room, doing nothing. I would stare at the ceiling and run everything that had happened through my head one more time.

Smitty's eyes filled my head over and over again. His pretty, blue eye, and his stunning red eye. Complete opposites- a cold, icy eye, warning everyone he looked at that he was strong, and not a force to be reckoned with. And his red eye was warm and welcoming, explaining that although he had power, he would love you if you loved him.

That night, when I pulled over on the side of that road, I had felt more alone than I had ever felt before. Had I overreacted? Probably. But I was so distraught with fear that I immediately broke out into a panic attack, and I knew that staying at the scene that had triggered it would only cause more harm. So I left.

_I cried in that car for a while, and then suddenly I heard a tapping on the glass. I brought my head up, and saw that Anthony, Brock, and Marcel were standing outside of the car, staring in on me with concerned expressions on their faces. I shakily opened the door and stumbled into Brock's arms, and he comfortingly hugged me._

_I sobbed. For longer than I should have. But I couldn't help it. Anthony and Marcel talked quietly to each other, while Brock tried calming me down. He rubbed my back and just held me. After a while, I finally stopped crying and pulled away, sniffling._

_Brock looked at me and frowned. I sighed,_

_"Is Smitty okay?" I almost immediately asked, frowning._

_They were quiet before Anthony shook his head. "Uh.. last we saw, he was sobbing into Tyler."_

_I slumped against the car door and stared at the ground. "I can't believe I thought he might actually like me."_

_They were all silent, before Marcel spoke up. "Are you fucking kidding me, John? He's crying because of how guilty he feels. He knows how badly he hurt you, even though he didn't mean to. He's so fucking in love with you, man!"_

_"No.. I don't know why he would be crying. It doesn't make sense. Maybe he just feels bad for me or something. Anyways, I have to go home so I can be depressed in silence." I shook my head, lifting my head and turning to open the door._

_"We're coming with you, then." Brock muttered. I turned my head and looked at him,_

_"No. Go back to the house, I don't need to drag you guys down with me. I need to cope. Please, just.. leave me alone for now, okay?" I sighed. "Seriously. I'll be fine.. or whatever."_

_"John, your way of coping is extremely unhealthy. You sit and lay in your bed all day and do nothing, or you sleep, or you stress-eat, or you vape yourself into an unconscious state." Anthony piped up, frowning._

_"Yeah it may be unhealthy but I deserve it, okay? I'm a piece of shit. Now go, guys. Seriously." I shook my head and opened the door. They all quietly talked among themselves for a bit, and as they did so I got in the seat and turned my car on. I went to close the door when Brock opened the door in the backseat and slid in. "Brock, are you fucking serious?"_

_"Marcel and I are coming with you. Anthony's going to head back and tell everyone that you're alright. Everyone's worried and confused back there."_

_"Why would they be worried? Luke's a cheating asshole and Smitty kissed a boy. What's the big deal there?"_

Well, I would later come to find out that shit hit the fan, at that house.

_"Cause you took off in the middle of a panic attack, Luke kissed Smitty and Smitty was not at all okay with it, Ryan just watched his boyfriend of six months cheat on him, and Smitty was on the edge of an anxiety attack. Okay?" Marcel huffed as he got into the passenger's seat, shutting the door._

_I groaned. "Whatever, who fucking cares. The second I get to my house y'all are leaving. I don't care if you have to walk or if someone's picking you up, but I don't want either of you babying me into my room." I started the car, then drove off. I was pissed off and heartbroken and I didn't want to talk about the shitty events of today._

_"John, you can't just ignore it." Brock murmured, probably frowning._

_"Fucking watch me, Brock." I muttered. My hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were turning white._

_"Jesus, man. You can't deal with this by pushing it to the side." Marcel shook his head and glanced at me._

_"Yes I can, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Except I'm going to deal with it. By locking myself in my room and crying for the next week, thank you very fucking much." I took a sharp turn, huffing._

_"John, you're going to fucking get us killed." Marcel glanced at the stop sign that I had just blown past._

_"I think death would be better than the bullshit that's going on right now." I sped up a bit, just wanting to get home already. Brock groaned,_

_"Holy hell. You are not at all okay, are you?"_

_"Nope." I soon pulled up in front of my house, parked, and shut the car off. I threw the door open and slammed it shut. "And I probably never will be." I replied, turning as they both got out of the car._

_"I'm going inside, and I'm going to go to bed. I hate being an asshole, but neither of you are fucking following me into my house, okay? Shit, if you really fuckin' want to, take my car. Just let me go." I threw my keys onto the hood of the car and stared at them._

_Neither of them said anything, then Brock pulled out his phone. "I'll.. get an uber, I guess." He sighed, shaking his head._

_Marcel grabbed the keys and walked over to me, then handed them to me. "We'll leave you alone, for now. But if we come and visit you and you're not any better, all of us are going to kick your fucking ass, got it? Smitty is in love with you, John, and you're going to realize that sooner or later. So please just take care of yourself while you're struggling. I know this is hard but it's only going to make it harder if you ignore self-care, okay? We care about you." He hugged me, and I blinked, hugging him back._

_"...Okay, whatever you say." I sighed, and he pulled away. "Goodnight, fuckers."_

_"Goodnight, John, take care of yourself." Brock threw me a wave, and I waved back, before I walked to my house. I opened the door, shut it, and locked it. I walked upstairs, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. I went to my room, changed, and turned off the lights. I laid down, snuggled into the blankets, and cried myself to sleep._

I sighed as my phone went off. "Fucking.. fuckers.. just leave me alone, ugh." I picked my phone up and opened the text.

**minidick, 8:43 pm: come outside, bitch :)**

**kryingjohn, 8:43 pm: why.**

**minidick, 8:43 pm: just fucking do it, pussy. also are you like at least in a normal outfit**

**kryingjohn, 8:44 pm: yeah, i unfortunately had to leave the house to get "cough medicine" cause i'm "sick." i just got ice cream.**

**minidick, 8:44 pm: ok good. go throw a pair of shoes on and then come outside. luv you.**

**kryingjohn, 8:45 pm: i hate you**

I sighed, and tucked my phone into my pocket, then reluctantly got up. I walked over to my shoe collection and lazily pulled on a pair of boots that decently matched my outfit. I grabbed my vape pen and then walked out of my room. My parents were out on a date, so I left the house without a problem.

I walked outside, frowning a bit, then stopped dead in my tracks as I looked at what was in front of me. All of my friends were standing there, looking at me.

"What.. the fuck.. is going on..?" I slowly frowned as I started walking again, approaching them. I scanned my group of friends for a familiar set of blue and red eyes, and pushed down my disappointment when I didn't find them. I glanced at Brian, and noticed that his arm had a bandage, and his knuckles were pretty bruised. "Wait, what happened to Brian? Are you okay?"

"Wait, did none of us tell him what happened..?" Craig suddenly frowned, sucking in a breath. The group went silent, and Tyler rolled his eyes.

"You're all such fucking idiots. Luke is a psychopath, pretty much. He made some fucked up remark about sleeping with Smitty and Brian got pissed off, as any one of us here would have, and punched him in the nose, breaking it. Luke got pissed off and dragged Brian outside, and like, dug his nails into his arm and shit. Then he said he wouldn't leave unless he could take Lukas with him." Tyler rolled his eyes, and I got a bit confused as he referred to Smitty by his actual name, but I listened anyways. So far, I was pretty fuckin' pissed off. Who the fuck did Luke think he was?

"So Smitty got up, and walked over to Luke, then told him that he couldn't call him by his name cause that was reserved for people who cared about him. Then Luke punched him the face, and fucked his shit up." Alright, well I guess I hate Luke's fucking guts now, so that's nice. "Then Smitty punched him back and held his wrists down and Daithi and Craig took him away. Scotty called 911, and Luke got arrested. None of us actually know if he got bailed or anything.. we haven't heard from him since."

"Is Smitty okay?" I asked, obviously concerned about him. Scotty nodded,

"He's perfectly fine, but his knuckles are bruised and torn up- sort of like Brian's- and he's got a black eye, and the rest of the left side of his face is dotted with bruises." He explained. I frowned.

"Shit.. that.. isn't really what I'd call fine, but okay, whatever." I sighed. "Uh, anyways, why the fuck are all of you here? Also, Evan and Jonathan weren't at the party, so do they know what happened?"

"Yeah, they know, and they both felt really bad that they weren't there so they couldn't have helped at all." Brock piped up.

"We're here because you haven't left your house in a week, John." Craig said. "So you're going out. Smitty said there was one place you'd go to- he didn't tell us what it was, because he also said it was a secret." I was thankful for that. "So we're making you go there. He said it helped calm you down and think and relax and stuff, so please just go, John."

"Why couldn't you guys have just texted me and told me to go?" I furrowed my eyebrows, staring at them.

"Cause we all know damn well that you would have replied with a 'K' and then wouldn't have left your bed." Anthony said. I shrugged a bit, then nodded.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Okay, fine, whatever, I'll fucking go, you assholes. This is peer pressure and is bullying." I huffed, making my way to my car. "Now go home."

"About that, uh.. we were all sort of hoping we'd stay at your place. Your parents are out on a date, anyways, and you've got the biggest basement out of all of us.. so.." Craig chuckled.

"The door's unlocked, fuckers. It's just your responsibility to explain to my parents why you forced their sick son out of their house and instead played GTA Five in their basement." I shrugged, opening the door to my car. They all cheered and started running to the door. I rolled my eyes. "Don't trash my house, you cucks!"

Craig smiled. "I'll make sure they don't break anything. Drive safe, John, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever, thanks. Now go play." I smiled, then shut the door. I put my keys in and buckled my seat-belt, then started the car and drove off. I was heading to the park, of course. I was sort of afraid to, though, because it held memories of Smitty.

Actually, it held the memory of the first time we met. I wasn't totally aware of it at the time, but I had fallen for him, then and there. His beautiful eyes, his cunning smile, his cute laugh, his pretty words, his kind personality, his hilarious humor, and.. him. Everything about him was just so.. captivating. I still found it hard to believe that we had even become friends in the first place- and so close, too.

I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to get over him. I didn't think I would. He was so perfect. He was everything I wanted. I was so fucking in love with him, and I still was. I wanted to be with him, still. I wanted to kiss him and hug him and hold him close and tell him I loved him.

I didn't deserve him, though. I didn't deserve anyone. I was a disgusting, disappointing piece of shit. A waste of time, and a waste of space. Even if he did like me, he shouldn't have to have me. He deserved someone so much better. He deserved someone who didn't cry, panic and run away whenever things went wrong. He deserved someone who could make him smile, instead of cry. He deserved someone who knew what they were doing. He deserved the best, and the facts were simple- I was not the best. In fact, I was far, far from it.

As I drove to the park, I realized I hadn't uploaded anything to my YouTube Channel because of what had happened. I'd have to post soon, or else the few subs that I had might think that I had died. My name on the platform was "Kryoz" and, although I only had around a thousand subscribers, they all supported me. I, uh, definitely owed them a new video.

My mind went through a journey, my thoughts bouncing off of each other and going from topic to topic. I was a little distracted, and initially drove past the park. It wasn't until five minutes later that I realized I had passed it. I quickly made an illegal U-Turn, then drove back.

Once I saw it, I pulled over on the side of the road, yawning. I sat in my car for a while, just staring at the park. It held so many memories and the amount of anxiety I had in my chest disgusted me. It was just a place, just a playground, that held an important day in my life- one of the most important days in my life. That was.. okay. Maybe I could make new memories there. Maybe everything would work out fine. I would just have to take it easy. I'd have to take it one step at a time.

With a sigh, I unbuckled my seat-belt and threw the door open. I hopped out and closed the door, then walked through the front entrance, shoving my hands in my pockets. I glanced around and smiled a bit, taking in the familiar scenery, and breathing. It was a pretty nice day- it was about sixty out, which was strange because it was only March, but I wasn't complaining. I stood there for a while, just enjoying the light breeze, when something caught my eye. It was a little piece of paper, just sitting on a picnic table.

I blinked, and walked over to the table so I could get a closer look at the paper. Once I had gotten close enough, I realized it was folded. It was totally an invasion of privacy, to whoever this paper belonged to, but I was curious. Besides, nobody was at the park, so it wasn't like I'd get caught, or anything. There was probably only a handful of people who knew about the park asides from Smitty and I. I reached over and picked the paper up, then looked around the park one more time to ensure I was alone, before I started to unfold it. Once it was fully unfolded, I looked at the inside and blinked. It looked like a note. Frowning, I read it.

_do you remember, back in December, when your hands held mine?_

I slowly frowned. Smitty and I had met in December, but that had to be a coincidence, right? I wasn't sure. This note was also where we had first hung out.. hmm. It was strange, but I shrugged it off. I put the paper down and went to walk away, when I noticed another piece of paper on the picnic table that was just after it. I stared at it, then reluctantly sighed and walked over to it. There wasn't any harm in this- it was just reading notes meant for a stranger. Totally okay, right?

I picked the piece of paper up, and unfolded it. Reading it, I began to frown.

_do you remember, we'd hold each other, and we'd finally be fine?_

Holding.. each other. Smitty and I held each other all the time.

John, shut the fuck up. You sound like a heartbroken, clingy ex-partner. All couples hold each other, you dipshit. Stop trying to make this about you.

Jeez. I needed to stop talking about myself, to myself, in the third-person.

I stared at the paper for a while before I put it back down. Now, I was curious, and hoping there was another note somewhere. Even though these notes obviously weren't about me, I wanted to see where they would go, so I started looking around. I couldn't find one, so I sighed and sat down on the bench. I didn't know what was happening.

This was my happy place, so why wasn't I happy? I stood up again and walked around, then found myself standing where the buttercup I had plucked for Smitty was. As I stared at the ground, I noticed a little piece of paper. No way.

I picked it up, and before unfolding it, I noticed a big number three on the top of it. I frowned, confused, then unfolded it.

_3/10. do you remember that i was always your buttercup? do you know that i always will be?_

What the fuck was happening? I stuffed the note in my pocket and glanced around, looking for another note. If the fraction meant anything, it probably meant that there were ten notes to collect, and that they were in a certain order. So... if I was looking for another one, I should look for number four. I glanced around, and soon noticed a paper on a slide. I walked over to it, and frowned when I saw the number five on the top of it.

I had to find number four first.

I glanced around, scratching my head, and then spotted another piece of paper. It was just on another picnic table, sitting there, minding it's own business. I walked over to it and saw that it had a big number four on it. I smiled a bit, then unfolded it and read the note.

_4/10. do you remember, how we would make each other laugh over the stupidest of things? and then we'd laugh harder for no reason? how many times did we get serious stomach aches from laughing too hard, do you think?_

Countless, countless times. These notes.. alright, so there was no way that these notes weren't addressed towards me. But why? Why would Smitty set these all up? It didn't make any sense. Or what if the guys were behind this? If this is a joke or something I'm never going to let them hear the end of it.

I put the paper in my pocket and walked back over to the slide, then picked up the note with the five on it. I slowly unfolded it, then read the inside.

_5/10. do you remember,  when your lips traced my jaw, and i had to hold back with all of my might..? just to stop myself from kissing you._

I blushed slightly, remembering how I felt as I did that. I had found the perfect opportunity to tease Smitty, and well, shit, of course I took it. If he had told me to stop at any given point, I totally would have- I wasn't a piece of shit. But he didn't, so I assumed he would have preferred it if I didn't stop. I did, though, because we had places to go. But.. he wanted to kiss me..? Shit, I would have kissed him back- immediately. Maybe.. maybe I was just.. too hard on myself. Maybe I was good enough.

I put the paper with the rest of them, in my pocket, with a smile on my lips. I then walked around the park some more, looking for another piece of paper. I noticed one balancing at just the right angle on top of the monkey bars, and I had to pull myself up on one of the bars to reach it. Once I did, I looked at it, and let out a little sigh of relief when I found a number six on the top of the paper.

_6/10. do you remember how often we'd spend the night at each other's house? just.. cuddling, and enjoying each other's company. those nights.. man, i couldn't forget them even if i wanted to._

I stared at the note for a while, reading it over and over again. I enjoyed those nights so much, just because I got to spend quality time with Smitty. We would go over homework, compare answers, and cheat off of one another. We would play video games, quietly yell at each other, and team up in other games. We would sometimes just read our own books, and if one of us came to an emotional part, we would tell the other all about it. We would chase each other around the house- when our parents weren't home, of course- and fall over and stub our toes and hit our hips into dumb furniture. We would laugh, and help each other up. When the night was steady, and all the lights on the houses were out, we would climb onto our roofs, and just stare at the city, in it's breathtaking glory. Then we'd go back inside, climb into bed, and cuddle. We'd drift off into a peaceful sleep, and wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and full of.. well, tranquility.

I guess I really hadn't appreciated those nights until now. Yeah, of course I did enjoy them. I enjoyed every second I spent with Smitty. But those nights, we learned so much about each other.. we learned our favorites, and our least favorites. We learned what made each other happy, and what made us sad. We learned our preferences. We learned.. well, I can't speak on Smitty's behalf.. but I learned love.  _Real_ love. Not that bullshit, depression-romanticizing garbage you see on the big screens. But what it meant to love. To care about the other and try to help them to the best of your ability. To help them fight through it, even if that meant you had to listen to them cry and not say anything because they didn't need advice- they just needed to vent. I was there for him, and he was there for me.

I didn't want to lose that. I hope I never lose that.

I sniffled a bit and put the paper away, sighing, then glanced around for the next note. This one was a bit harder, but I noticed the folded piece of paper sitting on a swing. I walked over and grabbed it, smiling at the fancy-looking seven scribbled on the top of the paper. I unfolded it, and read.

_7/10. you're getting close. do you remember_ _the ridiculous amount of jokes our friends made? here's a few examples: "fucking make out." "oh, just fuck already." "how long you two been dating?" "when's the wedding?" i never said it, but their jokes always made me giddy. i yelled at them for the jokes, but secretly hoped they never stopped.. because even the thought of being with you made me overcome with emotion._

I ran my fingers through my hair, chuckling a bit as I read the note, then trailing off and reading the ending with a huge, probably-stupid-looking smile on my lips. I put the note down, sighing happily. I always felt the same whenever the guys made jokes like that. Of course, I told them to knock it off, and that we were just friends.. but the idea of being able to call Smitty mine one day.. it just fucking blew my mind.

I put the note in my pocket, and turned, then noticed three more notes, leading to a thicker path of the park where Smitty and I had only been.. once. It was where we had laid and stared at the stars on the first night we met. I hummed a bit, allowing my thoughts to roam through my mind, and then bent down to pick up the eighth note.

_8/10. do you remember christmas? we had known each other for only two weeks, at that point. but we spent our break switching off spending our days at the other's house. then we had to spend like a day or two with our famillies... and we both surprised each other with gifts once we finally saw each other again. i hope we can make more memories again, this year._

I smiled. That Christmas was definitely one of the best, if not the best, that I've had. It made me so happy to see his face light up once he realized I had gotten him just a bunch of tiny figures and plushies. When I visited his house the next day, I had a huge blush on my face as I noticed a new display in his room- one that had all of the gifts I'd given him.

I put the note away, tucked neatly in my pocket, then picked up the next one.

_9/10. just one more after this. do you remember when we just stared at the stars, and then watched the dozens of shooting stars come by? they say you're not supposed to share your wish because then it won't come true.. but i wished that our newfound relationship would always last.. and hopefully, with time.. grow into something more._

I blushed, but also felt myself fill with anxiety as I put the note in my pocket. I didn't realize he cared about me that much. I didn't think anyone could possibly care about me that much. What reasoning did he have? I didn't deserve that. He deserved so much better than me. I shook my head and frowned, pushing the thoughts away, and picked up the next note. The last note.

Number ten.

_10/10. john,_

_i love you._

_-lukas._

I felt my heart swell, and I pressed the note to my palm as I lifted my head, looking around. He had read my note. He had seen my gifts He had said he loved me.

But where was he? Frowning, I moved forwards, a bit deeper into the trail, and turned my head to the right- which is where we had set the blankets.

I went silent.

There were three blankets- one laid on the ground, and two just stacked in the corner of the first blanket, resting there. On top of the blanket, there were little containers of assortments of foods scattered around. There was a small stereo, and a phone resting on top of it. A large, vanilla-scented candle was lit, and on one side of the blanket. On the other, there was a large, orange-scented candle. It, too, was lit. In the middle, stood a boy, with flowers in his hands, pretty eyes, torn knuckles and a bruised face.

"Smitty?"


	11. Chapter 11

**lukas**

I had realized John was in the park when I heard his car pull up. I tensed up and shot up, then relaxed a bit when I realized he still had to look at the notes. Sure, there was the slight chance that he wouldn't go through them.. but I knew John, and I knew that he'd be curious. I still couldn't believe that I had mustered up enough courage to go through with all of this. I remembered waking up, pissed off at the world, and then the idea came at me all at once. I had quickly texted Tyler, explaining everything to him.

_I shot up from my bed and grabbed my phone, then opened my messages and sent Tyler a text._

**_smithers, 1:03 pm: FUCK TYLER_ **

**_smithers, 1:03 pm: I'M SO TIRED OF THIS SHITTY FEELING_ **

**_smithers, 1:03 pm: I'M GOING TO ASK JOHN OUT_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:04 pm: holy shit. are u on drugs ??_ **

**_smithers, 1:04 pm: NO I'M JUST FUCKIN TIRED OF SITTING AROUND AND FEELING DEPRESSED WHEN I COULD TELL THE LOVE OF MY LIFE THAT I LOVE HIM_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:04 pm: oh ok cool_ **

**_smithers, 1:05 pm: BUT I NEED HELP_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:05 pm: alright, lay it on me fam. we got dis shit_ **

_I texted Tyler everything, explaining how we had first hung out at a place important to John and that he had surprised me with a picnic. I wanted to ask him out the same way. I knew that park was hella important to him and I wanted him to have more memories there_ _. Hopefully,_ _everything would work out, and he'd get to have another happy memory at the park, instead of a bad one._

**_tyyyla, 1:13 pm: damb, dude, u really thought about this, huh?_ **

**_smithers, 1:14 pm: no, tbh it just kind of came at me all at once.. but it's perfect. i really want to do this for him, please help me make that happen_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:14 pm: of course i will help you, dumbass.. i'll text craig and we'll head over to your place, ok? then we can figure out the details and shit. when you do want this date to happen by?_ **

**_smithers, 1:15 pm: .....tonight...? :^)))))) ????_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:16 pm: ....we can make that happen, but if you guys don't get together i'm going to kick both of your asses._ **

**_smithers, 1:16 pm: fUCK YEAH THANK YOU TYLER THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!_ **

**_tyyyla, 1:17 pm: yeah shut up loser, we'll be there soon._ **

_They got there, and we worked out the details of how it would happen. Craig came up with the idea of them forcing John out of his house by showing up with all of the guys. As they went and left to gather up the guys, I took off to a bunch of different stores to gather the supplies for the night's event. I stopped at my house one more time to grab some other stuff- the blankets, and my stereo- and found that Craig had brought the boys back to my house before they would take off to John's. They all wished me luck and I thanked them, then made my way to the park. I hurriedly set everything up, and waited patiently for a text from Craig saying John had left to go to the park. Once I did, I ran into the park and strategically placed my notes in their places. Then I walked back to my spot and sat there, waiting._

Now, I was standing again, tensed up and holding the flowers in my hand. They were a mix of carnations and roses- I had asked the boys what flowers John liked the most and that was my response. I quietly stood there, waiting for what felt like ages. I started to relax a bit as my legs grew tired, then quickly straightened as I heard a chuckle from a relatively close distance. He was way closer than I thought he was. Nothing happened for another few minutes, then I soon saw him walk over. His eyes were trained on the ground and I watched his eyes widen a bit as he stared at the blanket on the ground. He raked his eyes over everything that was on it, then slowly trailed his eyes upwards until he was looking at my face.

"Smitty?"

I thought I heard my heart break a little. His voice sounded so weak, and he seemed afraid, but also.. happy. I still couldn't believe I hurt him the way that I did.

"H-Hey, John." I cringed a bit after I spoke. I probably sounded so defeated, so.. sad, and empty. But, I mean, I was. I really wasn't in the best shape after that night. I didn't go to school until the third day of the week, and my teachers didn't give me any homework- everyone had heard about Luke. Nothing else. Just that Luke had thrown some punches and gotten arrested.

"What.. what is this?" John glanced around one more time, slowly blinking, before he glanced at me again. I shrugged, then held my arms out for him to take the flowers.

"It's.. an apology, and an explanation, for.. everything that happened." I bit my lip, frowning. He took the flowers and stared at them, then glanced at me.

"These.. are my favorite. How did you know?" He talked slowly, and a little unsurely. It hurt me whenever he talked, because I knew he had to keep his guard up. He didn't know if he could trust me. I was the cause of that.

"I have my ways." I murmured, offering another little shrug. I could feel myself already tearing up as I thought about what might happen next.

"Smitty.. are you okay?" John glanced at me again, then looked me in the eyes. I glanced down. I didn't deserve to look at him- and I couldn't. It would only hurt me more.

"No. No, I'm not, but.. but you're hurt. And I caused that." I started, shaking a bit.

"Smitty, I'm fine, really. It.. wasn't your fault, or anything." John sighed as he spoke. I glanced at him.

"It's my fault. And even if you think otherwise, please, John. Just let me explain, okay? And then.. and then you can respond, if you want to." I bit my lip, my eyes threatening to spill their tears.

"Yeah, go ahead." John murmured, tightening his grip around the bouquet of flowers a bit. He glanced up, and I hesitated, then looked him in the eyes.

"...I never wanted to hurt you, John. You fucking... you fucking saved me. You've done so much for me and I repaid you with.. with what? With nothing. I hurt you. You helped me find happiness, and I only hurt you. I.. I'm so sorry, John. I'm so sorry.. so, so, so fucking sorry. I understand if.. if you can't forgive me, but I just.. I really hope you know how fucking much I care. How much I've always cared. How much I will care, even if you drop those flowers that you're holding in your hands. Even if you step on them. Even if you drive the fuck away and leave me stranded here. Even if you never call my eyes beautiful again. Even if you never talk to me again. Even if you can't look at me anymore. Because I deserve it, John. I deserve it for doing you so fucking wrong."

I was sobbing at this point, but I kept talking. He needed to understand. However, I had lowered my gaze. I wouldn't be able to make it through this if I watched him.

"I've already said it a thousand times in these past few minutes, but I'll be sorry until the day I die. You still probably don't even understand what happened- why I did what you think I did. It wasn't.. I.. fuck. Fuck, John. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. The last thing I'd ever,  _ever_  want to do is hurt you- hurt the one person I cared about the most."

My jaw hurt and I couldn't breathe and my face was damp with tears, but I stared at the ground. I really couldn't bare to see his face. It would only make me cry harder. But I kept talking. I had to. He had to know.

"Laying in my bed these past few nights have been fucking terrible. I've gotten no sleep and I've cried every single fucking night and I'm not trying to make you pity me. I'm trying to explain how fucking sorry I am. I'm so sorry that I made you feel what I made you feel. You trusted me, and I broke all of that within.. seconds. You lent me your heart, without the protection it needed. You thought I was safe, and I thought I was safe too. I guess we were wrong, because I broke your heart, and I'm so sorry for that."

I took a second to catch my breath, because I couldn't breathe. I found it difficult to talk but I kept going. I was so guilty. And I would always feel guilty. Because I hurt him, and I had broken him, and I only ever wanted to love him.

"I loved you. I loved you so much. I craved, with every fiber of my being, to be with you. To hold you. To kiss you. To tell you I loved you. To share with the world how proud I was to be yours. And I've fucked that all up. But I don't care if it doesn't work out. I don't care if you hate me. I mean.. I'm going to be brokenhearted for the rest of my fucking life, but I deserve that. You.. you don't. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You deserve everything your heart desires. And for some dumb, dumb fucking reason, your heart thought it wanted me, John. And my heart wanted yours. And it still does. But I broke your heart. And it shouldn't love me anymore. Because I hurt you. I... I'm so sorry."

My knees were weak and I thought I was seconds away from collapsing, but I kept pushing my words out. My jaw was burning, and my throat was begging me to stop, and my heart was practically convinced I was going to die. But my lips kept moving.

"So there you have it, John. I'll understand if you turn away. I'll understand if you leave. I'll understand if you push me to the ground. I'll understand if you beat me till I'm red and blue everywhere, just like my eyes. I'll understand if you take every photo you have of me and rip them to shreds, then burn them to ash. I'll understand if you want me to stay away from our friends. I'll understand if I- if I can't be your buttercup any longer." My voice cracked, and I felt more tears make their way down my face, but I kept talking. I had to. "But.. I will always, always fucking care, John. And if some day, for some.. stupid, fucking reason.. if you decide to give me a second chance.. I'll be waiting, John. I'll be waiting. Right here."

I lifted my gaze and met eyes with John, who was dead silent, but crying. I watched the tears stream down his face, and I felt myself break down even more.

"I'm so fucking sorry, baby." I choked out, shaking. John lowered the bouquet, gently setting it on the ground. I watched him, expecting him to step on them, or for him to walk away. But he didn't.

He walked in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed. He cried into me. We held each other, crying, shaking, coughing and trying to catch our breaths.

After a long, long while, I pulled away from him, and he stared at me. Our faces were covered in tears, and I could still feel a steady ache in my jaw, and a sadness in my chest.

"I'm sorry, John." I whispered, staring at him, and shaking. I lifted my hand and stroked his cheek, frowning when I felt his tears.

"I'm sorry too, Lukas." John lifted my hand from off his cheek, then intertwined our fingers. He then leaned in, and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back.

He slowly pulled his hand away from mine and instead moved it to the nape of my neck. I moved my own hand up and gently ran my fingers through his hair. As we kissed, I could taste our tears, and I could feel the wetness of our faces because of the crying we had done. But I didn't care. I didn't fucking care at all. I couldn't have possibly cared less.

Because all I wanted, all I needed, all I craved.. was this.

We soon parted, and I breathed, opening my eyes. He opened his, and we stared at each other for a while, just quietly thinking about the moment. I leaned forward, and kissed his lips, initiating it. He kissed back. I melted into him, thinking about how nice his lips felt against mine, and how soothing he felt with one arm around my neck and the other draped around my waist. I ran my fingers through his hair again, and then reached one arm down, trailing it down his torso, until my hand met his. I intertwined our fingers, and we pulled apart again, resting our foreheads against each other.

"I love you." John murmured, then pulled away from me to look at me better. "I am so in love with you."

I slowly smiled. "I love you too. So much. So, so so fucking much, John." I sighed. "Do you have any idea how badly I've wanted to tell you that for the longest time?"

"If it's at all close to how badly I've wanted to say it.. then probably pretty badly." He smiled, and leaned forward again, locking lips with me once more. He soon went to pull away, but I lifted my hand and pulled him down towards me, keeping our lips together for a few more moments. He giggled a bit as he kissed me, and I soon removed my hand from his neck.

John glanced at me and I swear, it was the happiest I'd ever seen him. I soon straightened, and smiled at him. "So, John.. will you be my boyfriend?"

"I abso-fucking-lutely will be your boyfriend, Lukas." John leaned forward and locked lips with me once more. This time, I felt his tongue sneaking up on my lower lip, and I opened my mouth, letting him in. He explored me, and I explored him. I reached my hands up again and ran my fingers through his hair, wrapping strands of it around my fingers and then letting them fall to their normal position. I soon felt him lift me up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, as he held me up by my waist. He also sort of had to hold onto my ass to hold me up right, but fuck, I wasn't complaining.

I soon pulled away to breathe, and opened my eyes, staring down at him with a smile. He blinked his eyes open and I smiled even more. "You are so fucking gorgeous, John. Like, seriously, holy shit. You are the most attractive man in this universe, I guarantee it." I watched as he blushed.

"I don't think so, buttercup." He smiled, and I felt my heart do twirls as he called me by that again. I hadn't heard it in forever, and I had missed it. But now I was his, and he was mine. "I think you're the prettiest boy in this universe, and the next one, and the one after that.. and every universe that there is or isn't. You beat them all." I blushed and glanced down, and he gently lifted my head up so I could look at him again. "And I'm so lucky to be able to call you mine."

I blushed even more and smiled. "I love you, you big dumbass."

John chuckled and rolled his eyes at me. "I love you too, you asshole."

I laughed and he gently put me down. I grabbed his hand and we intertwined our fingers, then glanced at the food. "Oh yeah, I forgot I had set everything up. I guess I just got lost in your eyes.." I snickered as I made the cheesy pick-up line. John lifted his head to glare at me,

"Why am I in love with you?" He raised an eyebrow, fighting off a smile.

"Cause you just can't resist this fine Canadian ass." I offered, sticking my tongue out at him. I watched as his face got red.

"I hate you so much." He glanced down, and then sat down, pulling me down with him. I landed beside him with a cheeky grin on my face.

"You don't really mean that, do you?" I murmured, chuckling.

"Hmm.." John held his chin up with his fist and gazed wonderingly into the distance, and I laughed as I watched him. Slowly, he sighed and turned his head to glance at me. "I guess not." He smiled and leaned over, then pressed a little kiss to the tip of my nose.

I blushed, then glanced at the food. "I probably got too much food, but I'm really hungry, so let's eat." I started opening the containers, and John helped me. I reached over and grabbed the paper plates, then let out a not-so-manly-scream as I lost my footing and almost fell on top of all the food. Luckily, John caught me before I fell, and I blushed as he helped me sit back down.

"You are a fuckin' klutz, you know that?" John laughed, then laughed even more once he looked at my face.

"Fuck off, John! It's not my fault the plates are so far away from where we're sitting!" I rolled my eyes, then took a plate and lightly smacked his head with it. He snickered.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're just a freakin' idiot." He murmured, still laughing. We piled food onto our plates and once I had made my plate, I reached over and put my playlist on shuffle, and we listened to music as we ate and talked.

"So, how's your face feeling? That's a nasty bruise he left you with." John asked, glancing at me. I shrugged, sipping my juice box.

"It's starting to heal, which is good. It still hurts pretty bad, but I'm taking painkillers and they help. I only actually managed to get my eye open yesterday. It was so swollen and shit that not only was it difficult to open, it also hurt a lot, so I just didn't open it." I explained, glancing at him. John was staring at the ground with a pissed off look on his face.

"John, baby? Are you okay?" I frowned a bit, watching him. He shook his head and glanced at me,

"Yeah, I'm fine, Luke's just a piece of shit and it pisses me off that I couldn't have been there to help you. It also pisses me off that he even did that in the first place." He murmured, sighing. I reached over and rested my hand on his knee, then squeezed it a bit.

"It's okay now, though. Luke's not bothering us anymore and really, there wasn't anything you could have done. I wouldn't have let you, even if you were there." I shook my head. He glanced at me, then nodded.

"Yeah, I know, I just.. still feel bad. I hate seeing you hurt. Anyways, let's eat and not be so sad, okay?" He smiled, taking a bite of his mini-sandwich. I nodded, grinning as I stole a cookie from off of his plate.

"Hey!" John threw his hands up, staring at me. "My cookie! You stole my cookie!"

I giggled and bit into it, grinning. "No! My cookie! You sick, twisted motherfucker!" I laughed as he slumped over in defeat, and after I finished the stolen cookie, I reached over to steal another cookie when he jumped up and grabbed my hand. I tried to pull it away, but he only pulled me closer to him and hugged me tightly so I couldn't escape.

"John! Let me go! I promise I won't steal any more of your cookies!" I begged, grinning. He shook his head, staring off into the distance.

"Once a thief, always a thief. First you steal my heart, and now you steal my cookies! What's next, my virginity?" He sighed, and I laughed my ass off, although I felt my face heat up. He started laughing a bit himself, and we stayed like that, just laughing. 

 

•

 

The hours passed by quickly and soon enough, we decided we should head home. We had packed everything up and were making our way to the car, when we heard a loud boom from behind us. I jumped a bit and spun around, then stared at the sky in amazement as I watched fireworks go off. John walked over to me and stood besides me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I smiled, then turned and curled my fingers into his shirt, pulling him into me. Our lips met and I smiled into the kiss.

He soon pulled away and opened the door for me. "Thank you, kind sir." I chuckled, sliding into the car. He shut the door and walked over to the other side as I buckled my seat-belt. John got in the car and buckled his seat-belt, then started the car and began to drive off.

"Hey, can I ask how you got here? Cause like.. you said Craig and Tyler helped you set this all up- well, to get me out of the house- but how did you get here?" John asked, humming a bit. I chuckled,

"I walked."

"You walked!?" John's eyes widened. "Why in the fuck would you do that? It's like a mile and a half."

"I don't know. It was a nice day and whenever I get nervous, walking always helps calm me down. So it helped calm me down and get ready before you got here." I glanced at him, smiling as I just observed his features.

"Lukas, stop staring, you're distracting the driver." John chuckled, making a left. I rolled my eyes, 

"Then stop being so fucking hot." I muttered, shrugging my shoulders. "It's not my fault. I can't help but be attracted to beauty." I watched as his cheeks reddened and I laughed a bit. "You're so cute when you blush."

"Ugh, I hate you." He shook his head as he blushed more, but kept driving. "We should be by my place in like five minutes, by the way. What time is it?"

I grabbed my phone and turned it on, checking the time. "It is... two in the heckin' morning. Hey, it's an hour earlier than it was last time!"

John groaned. "We seriously need to keep track of time.. but it's a weekend, so it's alright. Is it safe to assume you're spending the night with me again?"

"Yeah, I already told my parents that I was staying over at your place. If it didn't end up working out I would've just gone to Tyler's or something." I shrugged.

"Tyler? Why Tyler?" John yawned as he made a right.

"Oh, yeah. We've gotten closer as friends. He actually helped calm me down the most after the situation last Friday- well, Scotty too, a lot, but still not as much as Tyler- and it sort of made us closer in the moment. And y'know, you and Craig are best friends, so I figured me and Tyler could start hanging out." I glanced over at him.

"Oh, okay. Cool." John hummed. "Oh, and don't worry that I'm jealous or something. I know how in love with Craig Tyler is, and y'know.. today showed me how much you cared about me, too." I smiled as he spoke. "I was only wondering, just cause you never brought Tyler up a lot compared to the rest of our friends, so I wanted to know what had sparked the sudden friendship."

"I'm not worried. You don't seem like the jealous type. Clingy, maybe, but jealous.." I waited for him to catch my remark, and he did.

"Hey! I'm not clingy!" John huffed. "I mean, not  _that_ clingy, I don't think."

"It's alright, babe. I was only joking," I chuckled. He blushed, and smiled.

"I totally forgot that little nicknames were a thing. I'm going to spoil the shit out of you with all of the affectionate terms I can possibly think of." He murmured, and I rolled my eyes, smiling. "I mean, like, other than buttercup. Of course you'll always be my buttercup, but like, I can call you babe and angel and love and sweetheart and-"

"Okay, John, I get it." I giggled a bit as he talked, and he smiled.

"Yeah. That. I'm just excited, babe. You're my boyfriend. You. Of all people. I'm so lucky. I'm so fucking lucky. I'm the luckiest guy in the world." John grinned, and he made a left. We had made it to the street his house was on, and he parked in front of it. He got out of the car, and so did I. He quickly walked over to me and grabbed my hand with his, and he swung our hands together.

"You don't think that the guys are still here, do you?" I asked, glancing over at him. He shook his head,

"Doubt it. My parents probably kicked them out hours ago. Actually, I think they texted me while I was in the car- let me check it really quick." John pulled his phone out of his pocket with his other hand and started going through his texts. I lifted his hand and started peppering it with little kisses. He smiled and blushed a little, then frowned a bit. "Oof. They said they're staying at a hotel for the night.. gross. I didn't need to imagine that." He shook his head, sighing. "That might mean the guys are still here.. but let's just hope they're not."

"Okay, whatever." I shrugged, and he opened the door, glancing around a bit. Nobody was in the room, and it seemed quiet. "Huh. I guess they're not here."

John took his jacket off, and after I took mine off, he put them up on the little coat hanger thingy. I stood behind him, quiet, then reached up and kissed him when he turned around again. He blinked, a bit surprised, then kissed me back. I ran my fingers through his hair and he picked me up, carrying me to the couch. He sat down on it and I straddled his lap, then licked his lower lip, asking for entry. He obliged.

I pulled away for a second, to take a breath, before I connected our lips again. His breathing got heavier, as did mine, and his hands slowly trailed their way up my torso. I soon pulled away, then started kissing him everywhere. I soon got to a little space on the right side of his neck, and when my lips pressed against it, I felt his breath pause for a second. I grinned, then kissed him there for longer, and then sucked on that spot. "Lukas, you fuck." His breath hitched as I lightly rolled his skin between my teeth. I soon pulled away, and glanced at his neck, observing that a light hickey was forming. Satisfied, I leaned back in, then whispered in his ear.

"I'm sorry, baby. I just needed to let everyone know you were mine."

John glanced at me, his face all red, then suddenly flipped us over. "Oh, shit." I muttered, realizing what was happening.

"You can't just expect for me to let you get away with that, can you?" John lowly chuckled, and I froze a bit. That was fucking  _hot._

"Where did you squirm the most, last time..?" John murmured, then slowly started kissing my neck. I tensed underneath him, trying to keep my breathing steady as he grew closer and closer to the spot. I knew where it was, I was just hoping he didn't. He kept kissing me, and soon, his lips just barely brushed against it. I froze, and for a second, when he didn't do anything, I thought he hadn't noticed. Then, without warning, he started lightly sucking on that spot of my neck.

My breathing hitched and I squirmed a bit as he kept his lips there. He soon let his teeth just brush against it, and I gasped. "J-John, you fucker." He chuckled, then rolled my skin between his teeth. This fuck was going to give me a hickey that was noticeable from ten miles away. He soon pulled away, and I tried to catch my breath, sitting up a bit. He smiled, then pulled me up and into his lap.

"Did we really just casually have a fairly intense make-out session on your parent's couch while they're out of town?" I asked, still trying to calm down. He chuckled, and kissed my forehead.

"Yeah, I guess so." He murmured, and I rested my head on his chest. "You're so pretty, Lukas." John spoke, smiling. I glanced up at him, then kissed him.

I spoke once we pulled away. "You're the prettiest boy in the whole wide world."

"Hey guys, look! The lovers are home- wait, are those fucking HICKEYS!?" A voice from behind us scared the shit out of the both of us. I jumped and covered my face, and John chuckled.

"Fuck yeah they are!" He grinned. I uncovered my face and glanced over to realize it was Daithi who had discovered us. In an instant, almost all of the boys were up the stairs and crowding in the room to get a good look at us.

I rolled my eyes and glanced at John, who was staring at me with a happy smile on his face. "John, baby, stop staring, you're giving them more shipping fuel."

"You just called me baby, you dumbass." John furrowed his eyebrows, chuckling at me. I blinked,

"I did? Oh yeah, I did. I mean, you  _are_ my baby boy." I narrowed my eyes at him, and watched as his face broke out in a blush.

"Shut up, Lukas." He murmured, looking away, but smiling.

"Make me." I threatened, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, okay." John turned his head and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back, and at once, I heard a collective  _aw_  in the room from all the boys.

I smiled, and as he pulled away, I intertwined our fingers.

"I'm glad that everything between you two worked out." Brock spoke, smiling at us. I blushed, then glanced at John.

"Yeah, me too." I smiled, then kissed him.

This was it.

Everything was finally perfect.

I was dating the love of my life.

I had perfect friends.

I had a wonderful family.

Although life was hard,

I had found myself a home.


	12. Chapter 12

**john**

 

"John, baby, stop staring, you're giving them more shipping fuel." Lukas looked up at me, rolling his eyes a bit.

"You just called me baby, dumbass." I furrowed my eyebrows, chuckling a bit. I watched as he blinked, thinking for a moment, before he spoke.

"I did? Oh yeah, I did. I mean, you  _are_ my baby boy." He narrowed his eyes at me and I felt my face heat up. I looked away, but smiled. He made me so happy. So fucking happy.

"Shut up, Lukas." I muttered.

"Make me," he threatened. I slowly felt my smile widen, until I was grinning. I turned my head and glanced at him again.

"Oh, okay." I leaned forward and kissed him. He kissed me back, smiling a little. As we kissed, I heard most of the boys give a loud  _aw_  and I felt him smile even more. I soon pulled away, glancing at him, and he lifted my hand and intertwined our fingers.

"I'm glad everything worked out between you two," Brock murmured. I glanced at him, smiling. Then I looked over at Lukas, who was blushing, but staring at me.

"Yeah, me too." He smiled, then leaned in and kissed me. I blushed and kissed him back, of course. We didn't part for a while, and eventually I heard a cough.

"Alright, fuckers, we get it, you're in love. Blah blah blah. That's too much PDA for my virgin eyes to handle." Lui piped up, and as we pulled away, I glanced over at him. Daithi chuckled,

"Your  _virgin_ eyes, Lui? I wouldn't be so sure about that-" 

"David, shut the  _fuck_ up." Lui's face reddened as he smacked Daithi on the arm. We all laughed, and Daithi simply leaned forward and kissed Lui.

"Damn, everyone's so happy and in love, what the fuck?" Anthony shouted, throwing his hands up. "How many fucking couples are there, now!?"

Craig piped up, "Ooh, fun! Let's see.. me and Tyler make one, Brock and Brian make two, Daithi and Lui make three, John and Lukas make four.." He hummed. "I think that's it."

We all looked around, quiet for a bit, before someone cleared their throat. "It's.. uh, it's five, actually."

Was that Scotty? Everyone was silent, and spread out a bit, glancing over at Scotty. He had his arm slung around Marcel, who was staring at the ground. Everyone just quietly stared.

"We've.. been dating for about two months, but were just afraid things wouldn't work out. We kept it quiet so there wouldn't be any drama if we did break up.. but we decided we should probably let you know soon, and now was the perfect opportunity." He chuckled a bit, then glanced at Marcel, who glanced at him.

"Yeah... what he said." Marcel murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Wait a minute, how do we know you're not totally fucking with us?" Ryan, who hadn't said much- probably because he was still sore over Luke- suddenly piped up.

"Yeah, where's our evidence, boys? You're just going to throw the idea that you've been dating for two months at us and expect us to immediately believe it?" Tyler raised an eyebrow, and we all stared at the duo.

"Hey, guys, if they're actually dating, you pressuring them probably isn't helping anything, y'know." Lukas murmured, frowning. Scotty shot him a thankful look, and he nodded his head.

Marcel sighed. "I hate all of you. Except for Lukas and John, because Lukas is nice and John is Lukas' boyfriend now and didn't throw any remarks at us anyways so he's good." I smiled at that, sitting up a bit.

"Okay, but I'm just saying, we won't start believin' till we start seeing." Tyler offered, shrugging his shoulders.

Scotty and Marcel quietly stared at each other, then they both leaned in at the same time, and kissed.

"OOF, MY HEART." I shouted, slumping over onto Lukas. He dramatically gasped, then put his hand over where my heart was. The guys swooned over Marcel and Scotty, and I took the opportunity to comfortably rest on Lukas. He chuckled, then leaned closer to me.

"Hmm. I think you're in need of CPR, sir. Sir? You're not responding.. you leave me no choice." He murmured, smiling, then pressed his lips against mine.

I happily kissed him back, and he soon snuck his tongue into my mouth. I sat up a bit, doing my best to block our faces from the rest of the guys, and ran my fingers through his hair. He pulled away for a second to breathe, then reconnected our lips. I traced his jawline with my thumb, and-

"WE TURNED FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS AND THEY'RE MAKING OUT AGAIN!" Craig's loud ass voice interrupted us.

I pulled away from Lukas and he rested his head against me. I looked over at our friends and, while most of them were looking on at us and smiling, Craig was shaking his head. "John, you're grounded."

"You can't ground me! This is my house!" I huffed, throwing my arms up. Tyler glanced at Craig,

"He's got a point, babe." He murmured, smiling. Craig gasped.

"Don't you defend him, Tyler! Our son has gotten out of control!" Craig turned and stared at Tyler, a mock shocked expression on his face. Ryan frowned,

"I figured Lukas would be Tyler's kid in this situation." He murmured, blinking. Lukas shook his head next to me,

"No, that'd be incesty and stuff cause Craig and Tyler would be husbands, so John would be my step-brother." He murmured, then leaned over and kissed my nose.

"Hey! Lukas, stop treating my son so well!" Craig shouted, throwing his hands up again.

"Dad, leave me alone! We're in love!" I said, throwing my hands up in return.

"I don't have parents!" Lukas whined. "Someone defend me!"

"Marcel and I are your dads, Lukas. It's okay." Scotty said, smiling. Lukas cheered,

"Fuck yeah! My dads are fuckin' goals!" He fist pumped the air. "Still not as goals as us, though, angel." He smiled, then leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back, feeling my face heat up at the new name.

"Lukas, I approve of your boyfriend." Marcel said, smiling. Lukas cheered after he pulled away from me.

"Craig, they're in love. Our son needs our support." Tyler shook his head at Craig.

"What the  _fuck_ is happening!?" Lui shouted, throwing his hands up.

"Why are we all throwing our hands up!?" Brock threw his hands up.

"I don't know what's going on anymore," Daithi muttered, then grabbed Lui by his waist and lifted him up, kissing him.

Ryan and Anthony stood next to each other, awkwardly watching as all of the couples joked around. They soon started talking. I sat up again and pulled Lukas close to me, and he rested his head against my chest.

"I love you, John." He spoke suddenly, lifting his head up and pressing a kiss to my lips. I kissed him back, then smiled as he pulled away and rested his head on my chest again.

"I love you too, Lukas." I smiled, then kissed the top of his head. He sighed happily. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he smiled, snuggling in closer to me. We laid there for a while, cuddling like that, and just watching our friends as they joked around. He soon lifted his head and just stared at me. I blushed, and glanced away.

"Prettiest, handsomest, cutest, most beautiful boy I've ever met in my whole life." He murmured, then reached a hand up and gently moved my face so I had to look at him. "I'm so lucky that I ended up with you. And I'm so excited. For us. For our future." He stared at me with the happiest expression on his face. "Honestly, John. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else except for you."

I leaned forward and kissed him. He kissed me back. We held the kiss for a while, before I had to pull away to breathe. Lukas moved up a bit and rested his head on my shoulder, quietly humming.

"I can still hardly believe this is all happening, if I'm being honest," I murmured, smiling. "I keep getting scared that every time I blink, I'll open my eyes again and end up in my bed, all alone."

"Never. You'll never be alone, John. I promise." He glanced up at me with a look of certainty in his eyes, and as I stared into them, I felt a variety of emotions.

His expression filled me with warmth. I knew he meant everything he said.

His eyes had me swooning. I often got lost in them. They were just so.. gorgeous.

"Thank you, Lukas." I leaned forward, and kissed his forehead.

"Of course, baby boy." He smiled, yawning a bit.

"We should get to bed. It's already late as fuck, and you said you haven't really gotten that much sleep this week, anyways." I frowned, sitting up a bit. Lukas shook his head,

"I'm fine.. and besides, what about all the guys?" He asked, frowning. "Are you just going to let them crash here?"

"If any of them want to leave, that's fine, but yeah. It's really late by now and it's not safe out there, and besides, this has happened before. My parents won't be that surprised. It's also not like they're coming back first thing in the morning, you know?" I murmured, throwing my legs over the side of the couch and stretching a bit.

"Ugh.. fine, but I don't want to move." Lukas complained. I smiled, then turned around and scooped him up bridal style. He wrapped his arms around me, laughing a bit.

"Alright, motherfuckers!" I shouted, getting all of the guys' attention. "We're going upstairs, Lukas needs sleep. You can do whatever, just don't trash my house and don't be too loud."

"We won't be loud if you guys aren't," Craig piped up, resulting in laughter from almost everyone. Even I chuckled, but Lukas just shook his head and flipped Craig off.

"Oof. He's just acting like that cause he's tired. My tired boy." I smiled, looking down at his face. He nodded, yawning again.

"Alright. Good night, fucks." I made my way to the stairs.

"Good night, cucks!" Lukas shouted, and as I walked up the steps, everyone shouted their own good-nights in return. I walked to my room and Lukas opened the door for me, seeing as I was holding him.

I soon got to my bed and gently placed him down on it. He sat up and stretched. "I need comfy clothes. Give me comfy clothes." He walked over to my closet and started raiding it. I chuckled, then grabbed our phones and put them on the nightstand, then charged them.

"Do you care if I change in here or not? Cause A, we're dating now, B, we're probably going to see each other naked eventually, and C, I'm really fuckin tired and don't want to move. I mean, I'll have to move to the bathroom anyways to like brush my teeth but.. ugh, you know what I mean." Lukas asked, turning around and glancing at me.

"I don't care, just move so I can find my own comfy clothes." I chuckled, then walked over to the closet. He moved out of the way and started changing behind me. I found comfy clothes and shut my closet door, turning, and then chuckled as I saw Lukas struggling to put the shirt on.

"I don't know how this happened but I got stuck." He whined, throwing his arms around. "Help me, please?"

"Sure, but you owe me for this." I murmured, walking over to him. I couldn't help but blush as my eyes rested on his torso. He wasn't ripped or anything- I mean, we were fucking juniors- but he was hella lean. It seemed like Lukas was pretty fucking fit. Just when I thought the boy couldn't get any fucking hotter, he proved me wrong.

"John, hello? Are you checking me out? I know, us Canadians are hot, but I want to get this shirt on. Please?" His voice interrupted my thoughts, and I blushed.

"Oh- y-yeah, I was, uh, I g-got distracted for.. a second there." I bit my lip and lifted my hands, then helped him get into his shirt.

He glanced at me once he was finally free, and smiled. "Thanks, baby boy."

"Of course, buttercup."

"Oh.. and by the way.. I like.. I dunno, uh.. I usually don't sleep in pants and so I didn't grab a pair but I can if you want-"

"Lukas, you're going to trail on for ten years about this. I don't care if your legs aren't covered. It's like, literally the same thing as a bathing suit.  _And_ we're dating. It's fine, don't worry so much around me, okay?" I pulled him close to me, wrapping my arms around him, and kissed his head. "I love you, and I want you to be as comfortable as possible with me."

"I know, I'm just scared I'll do something silly and you'll get upset and I'll ruin everything." I pulled away and saw that he was frowning.

"I worry about the same thing." I smiled a bit, then leaned down and kissed him. He kissed me back, and after a bit, I pulled away. "I never want to lose you, though, so you'll have to fuck up pretty terribly for something like that to happen."

"I'll try my best not to," He murmured, chuckling a bit. "I'm going to go head to the bathroom and get all ready and stuff, okay?" I nodded, watching as he walked to the door.

I quickly got changed into my comfy clothes. Well, shirt. It was really just a comfy shirt. I awkwardly stood by the door, waiting for Lukas to come back in so I could wash up. Once he entered the room, I made my way to the bathroom, then washed my face and brushed my teeth.

I walked back to my room and shut the door behind me, locking it. I glanced over at Smitty, who was on his phone. "Who ya textin?" I asked, walking over to him and sitting besides him. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Just my mom. She just wanted to make sure that I was with you." He explained, then put his phone down and kissed the top of my head. "It's really cold in here, baby. Jeez. Are you attracted to the cold or something?"

"I like when it's cold in my room because then I can get really comfy and snuggle underneath the blankets." I explained, then stood up to go turn the lights off. Once I did, I walked back to my bed, then awkwardly stepped over Lukas to get into my spot.

I slipped underneath the covers and almost instantly, Lukas rolled over and into my arms. I chuckled a bit and pulled him closer, hugging him against me. "It's also nice because that way, you get to snuggle your boyfriend for extra warmth." I leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me back, then pulled away to talk.

"You.. are so.. comfy, and warm, and soft. I'm so lucky." He murmured.

"Yeah, me too. And as much as I'd love to explain how lucky I am to be with you, I'm tired, and we both know just how much you need your sleep." I reached up and lightly stroked his cheek with my hand. He smiled, then nodded.

"Yeah. We should probably go to bed." We shifted our positions a bit, until we were comfy, and once we were, he reached over and kissed me. I kissed him back before he pulled away.

"Goodnight, John. I love you."

"Goodnight, Lukas. I love you too."

I watched as his eyes shut, and with a small smile on my lips, I shut mine too.

 

•

 

"Jesus Christ. How gayer can they get? I mean shit, I thought Craig and Tyler were gay, but these fuckers just might be outshining them. And they've been dating for less than an entire day."

A voice woke me up, and I was still so groggy that I couldn't tell who it was. I didn't care, either, just snuggled closer to Lukas.

"Dude. Did you see that? So gay. There's so much gay. Is there even enough to go around?"

"Shut up, Daithi. Why don't we stop spying on them while they're fucking sleeping and go make breakfast or something?"

"Ryan, you're fuckin' lame, man."

"Yeah, Ryan. Come on, we're just.. not at all going to use these photos for blackmail."

I sighed. I was awake now. Their loud ass voices better not wake Lukas up.

I opened my eyes and glared at them, realizing that there were three people in the room- Daithi, Lui, and Ryan. "Hey, creepy motherfuckers, please shut the fuck up. Lukas is sleeping, and if he wakes up cause of one you, I'm going to smack all three of you." I threatened.

They all put their hands up, then slowly left the room, quietly shutting the door. I sighed and sat up, glancing at Lukas. He was still laying comfortably, sound asleep. I smiled, before reaching over and lightly kissing the top of his head. Then I stood up and climbed out of the bed, randomly pausing in the middle of the room and glancing at the door.

How the fuck did they even get in? I had locked the door last night.

Whatever, I didn't care. I grabbed the first articles of clothing I saw when I went to the closet, then quickly walked to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. Once I had washed up, I got out and dried off, changing into my outfit for the day. Then I walked back to my room, and smiled a bit when I saw that Lukas was still sound asleep.

I grabbed my phone and unlocked it, then sent him a quick text.

**baby boy, 11:29 am: hey, good morning, buttercup. you're still asleep rn, and i don't want to wake you up, so i'm going to head downstairs. when you wake up, text me, ok? i love you lots.**

I sent the text with a small smile, then quickly turned and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. I walked down the steps and into the kitchen, then glanced around, blinking as I spotted all of the guys staring at.. something. "Uh.. guys? What's going on?" I frowned as I noticed the phone that Craig was holding up in the air. They were all staring at it in anticipation, with giddy faces.

"Shut up, John!" Craig shushed me, and I frowned further, my eyebrows furrowing.

"What the fuck are you guys staring at?" I murmured as I walked over, but a ton of hands raised and they all stopped me. I huffed, and sat down at the table, watching as they slowly grew more and more excited. Suddenly, they all threw their hands up and ran over to me, cheering. Although it was loud, it wasn't nearly as loud as it could have been- they were keeping quiet for Lukas' sake, which I appreciated. However, I still didn't know what was happening.

"What are we celebrating? I'm so confused!" I murmured.

"YOU HIT TWO THOUSAND, JOHN!" Craig shouted at me.

Oof. Two thousand what? Wait.

"TWO THOUSAND SUBSCRIBERS!?" I felt myself get all excited. Fuck yeah! FUCK YEAH!

After like, five minutes of us losing our shit, we all calmed down. I stared happily at my phone, seeing the little '2K' next to my name was filling me with probably way more joy than it should have.

"Dude, we should totally freakin' celebrate," Craig murmured suddenly, grinning. All the guys nodded their heads in agreement and I shrugged my shoulders,

"I mean, why not?"

After saying this, I heard little footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Lukas walking down the stairs. His hair was wet and he was wearing one of my sweaters and a pair of my joggers. He stumbled over to me, then collapsed in my lap. "Why was everyone so loud like two minutes ago? I mean, I was awake, but like.. damb." He yawned.

"Oh, your boyfriend has two thousand subscribers." Brian spoke, chuckling.

"Wait- John- huh? You- what? I didn't even know you had a YouTube channel!" Lukas suddenly threw his head up, staring at me with a shocked expression.

"There's no way I didn't tell you that. Are you sure you're just not remembering it?" I furrowed my eyebrows, blinking at him.

"Yeah no, I'm pretty sure I'd remember. Anyways, what's your channel called? Let me go subscribe to it!" He pulled out his phone and opened up the YouTube app. I peeked over his shoulder, then blinked a bit as I watched him go to the search option.

"Dude, ten bucks Smitty's already subbed. I mean come on." Lui piped up. "How do you not know your own boyfriend's youtube channel?"

"He's just too dumb to remember to tell me these things." Lukas shrugged, chuckling a bit. I rolled my eyes, smiling, then reached over and took his phone.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He blinked, then turned so he could watch what I was doing. I went to his subscription list and scrolled through it, looking for the familiar  _Kryoz_  name. I soon spotted it and chuckled.

"I don't even remember telling you my channel, if I'm being honest, but you  _are_ subscribed." I tapped on my channel and then pointed to the amount of subscribers.

"Wait,  _what!?_ You're- WHAT!?" Lukas sounded so confused.

"That's.. my channel.. and I have.. two thousand subscribers now..?" I chuckled.

"But I- I subbed- before I even fucking  _met_ you. I thought this guy was fucking hilarious and now- you're- I'm- what the fuck?" Lukas shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. I laughed,

"Well, now you're dating the funny YouTuber." I smiled, then kissed the side of his head.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go film a thank-you video really quick, then we can head out for lunch or something. My parents shouldn't be back until tonight. Lukas, wanna help me?" I stood up, bringing Lukas up with me. He clung to me like a koala clung to a tree and I chuckled a bit. He nodded.

"Fuck yeah!"

"...filming a thank-you video my ass," I heard Craig remark quietly to Tyler. Lukas glanced at me and we shared a look- we both heard him say it.

Tyler chuckled quietly besides him, and I stared at them, unimpressed. When they glanced up again, they paled a bit, noticing our stares.

"What else do you think we'll be doing in there, Craig?" Lukas rolled his eyes.

"I mean, you  _could_ start fucking," Tyler answered for him, shrugging. I watched as Lukas' face got red, and he buried his head into my shoulder. I felt my own face heat up a bit,

"Oh, fuck you, Tyler."

"No, not fuck  _me._ Fuck Lukas." He smiled at us, and I rolled my eyes, then walked back to my room, carrying Lukas the way up. Once we were in, he hopped off of me and glanced at my computer.

"I always wondered why you had it set up so fancily." He hummed, then sat down in my chair. "Whoah. The famous Kryoz chair. I'm honored to be here today. I'd like to thank my friends, my family, the two fans that I have-"

"Shut up, doofus, and oh yeah, I meant to ask you- do you make videos, or do you just watch them?" I walked over to him, kissing his head. He shrugged,

"I mean, I do make videos, they're just pretty shitty."

"I bet they're awesome, come on- let me see. What's your channel name?" I moved my mouse a bit, waking my computer up, then hopped onto YouTube and hovered my cursor over the search bar.

"It's.. sort of complicated. Let me spell it out. Uh, S-M-I-I-SEVEN-Y."

"And... there it is. What, you make shitty videos and you have almost two thousand subscribers!?" I quickly clicked on his channel, and hit subscribe. "Let's see.. damb, babe, are we like, the same person? We both do games and shit."

"I've gotten so many comments asking me to collaborate with you, you have no idea." He chuckled, leaning forward and kissing me. I smiled, kissing him back, then pulled away.

"I mean, we should totally record shit together. Now that I think about it, I think a lot of my viewers have suggested checking you out. I mean.. I do that in person, though." I smiled even more as I watched him blush.

"Yeah, let's do that. But right now, we've got to film your thank-you video. Isn't this technically your face reveal?" Lukas asked, grabbing my phone. He swiped over to the camera and sat down on the bed. "Baby, move your chair out more. The lighting will be good over here."

I did as I was told and then sat down, swiveling in my chair a bit. "Yeah, it's technically a face reveal, but that's not really a concern of mine. It's just a face, y'know?"

"Yeah, I feel the same way. I don't think I'll ever dedicate an actual video to a face reveal- if I get to that point, that is." He smiled, then glanced at me. "Alrighty, you ready?"

"Fuck yeah. Uh, don't be surprised if I tear up a bit, by the way."

"Aw, baby. It's alright- just talk to your viewers. Pretend I'm not here." He said, before straightening a bit. "Alright, in three.. two.. one.. recording."

 

•

 

"So.. thank you, guys. I know I've said it already, but.. I mean it, really. Thank you. Anyways, I should stop before I start crying. Bye, fuckers- have a nice day." I finished talking, sniffling a bit.

Lukas smiled, and tapped something on the phone- he probably stopped the recording- before he walked over to me. He leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back.

"If we start playing games together, do you think we'd ever get shipped? Like, isn't that a thing that happens in fandoms a lot?" Lukas asked once he pulled away. I shrugged,

"Maybe. Hopefully. I bet you that once we let everyone know we were dating, the people who shipped it would freak out." I laughed a bit. "Jeez, could you imagine that, though? I don't know if I'd even want to have to make a video 'revealing' our relationship." I spoke, making air quotes as I muttered the word  _revealing._ "You mean so much to me, I just want to show you off to the whole world."

Lukas blushed, and sat down on my lap again. "I feel the same way. Except you  _are_ my world."

It was my turn to blush, and he didn't help stop it, either. "You are the most selfless, caring, and kindest person I've ever met. You have a heart of gold and I still can't believe I can call you mine. You're mine. You're my boyfriend. John, you are my boyfriend. That's so weird. But it makes me so happy. I say it with so much pride. Because I am so proud that I get to be yours, too."

I felt my heart swell with emotion, then I leaned in and kissed him. We held the kiss for a while, before we eventually parted once more.

"I love you, buttercup." I spoke softly, my voice suddenly weak.

"I love you too, baby boy." He smiled.

We hugged, then we kissed again.

He made me happy.

I was happy.

I was finally, truly, happy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied smut that isnt actually written in this chapter

**lukas**

 

The next week went by in a blur. It was spring break, so we had a whole week off. It was actually Sunday when John casually brought up heading to the movies. Just the two of us. A date. We had to go back to school tomorrow, so he thought of ending the week with a fun time.

I, of course, smiled at the suggestion and immediately agreed. Currently, we were in the car, arguing over what we should see.

"Alright, alright, how about this- we go in, we grab tickets for the cheapest movie, then sneak into the room for whatever movie we want? It's not like they're going to check us in there." John suggested, pulling into the parking space. He soon parked, then glanced at me. "Is that alright?"

"Yeah, sure." He smiled a bit, then hopped out of the car. I did too, then walked over to him, and we made our way to the theater.

We walked inside and purchased our tickets, then went to go buy overpriced snacks that were loaded with sugar and calories that we didn't need. Once we got our snacks, we walked to the rooms, and scanned the movies before we finally decided on one that we didn't recognize the name of. If it turned out to be shitty, we figured we could just leave and try to slip into a different room- even if we missed half of the movie.

John's left hand was intertwined with my right as I lead us up the steps. We sat in the  _very_ back row, and in the very corner, too. Most people sat in the middle anyways, so we were fairly alone except for another couple- but that was two rows below us, and also at the opposite end. We were alone, and I enjoyed it.

I grabbed our shared bag of popcorn and took a handful, then nudged John's shoulder. He looked over at me, blinking. "What's up?"

"Can you catch this in your mouth if I throw it up?" I asked, a smile on my lips. He chuckled a bit before answering my question.

"Of fuckin' course I can. When I was little I always thought I'd be the coolest person ever if I could figure out how to do it, and nobody was really ever that impressed. But I still know how to do it, so yeah." John shifted a bit so his whole body was turned towards me, and he opened his mouth, waiting. I giggled a bit, then tossed the popcorn up in the air, and he quickly moved to catch it in his mouth.

I laughed, then quietly clapped my hands. "Fuck yeah! I would try, but I'd get popcorn everywhere," I smiled. "One more time?" John quietly laughed a bit, then nodded. I tossed the popcorn up in the air again, but my aim was  _completely_ off, and it ended up hitting his eye before bouncing off of his face.

I stared at him, then burst out into laughter. I quickly clamped my hands over my mouth afterwards, because I didn't want to be disrespectful- even though the movie hadn't actually started yet. I laughed my ass off, though, through my hands. My stomach started aching and I held it, leaning over slightly. John shook his head at me. "You are so bad at throwing things," He chuckled lightly, then leaned over and suddenly grabbed my waist with his hands.

I blushed a bit, then quickly started laughing as he tickled me. "J-John, no! We're- we're at the movies, baby, come on, no! S-Stop, please!" I squirmed underneath him and tried escaping his grasp. He kept tickling me, though, and only stopped when an angry parent sent a loud "SHH" our direction. He pulled away, but kept his arms wrapped around me.

I spent a few minutes trying to calm down, then smiled, and rested my head on his shoulder. The room suddenly dimmed, and I sat up a bit as I realized the movie was starting. He pulled me closer to him and I hummed, content.

We watched the movie and about ten minutes in, I got a little bored. John, however, had his eyes locked onto the screen. I chuckled a bit, then grabbed my phone. Making sure my brightness was completely down, I flicked open a group-chat I was in with most of the guys.

**milkboy, 5:11 pm: guess who's on a date w/ the cutest boy in the world? :))**

**craigster, 5:11 pm: aw, you and john are on a date? where at?**

**milkboy, 5:12 pm: we're at the movies, and we're watching a movie we know nothing about. i got a little bored but john's invested**

**wildtyla, 5:13 pm: you're on your phone at the movies? asshole, smh man. disappointed. shook.**

**milkboy, 5:14 pm: my brightness is all the way down and we're sitting in the** **_back_ ** **of the theater, there's nobody around us for like two aisle things**

**ohmmm, 5:15 pm: well as long as nobody's noticed or has yelled at you for it you're fine**

**milkboy, 5:16 pm: nope, not at all**

**milkboy, 5:16 pm: i just wanted to take a moment and brag about how lucky i am to be with john**

**milkboy, 5:17 pm: like he's such an incredible fucking person?**

**pandaman, 5:18: oh boy here comes the fucking paragraphs, lmao**

**ohmmm, 5:18: ^**

**wildtyla, 5:18: ^^**

**craigster, 5:18: ^^^**

**daved, 5:18: ^^^**

**luiluiluilui, 5:18: ^^^^**

**scooter, 5:19: ok guys we get it stfu**

**milkboi, 5:20: like.. fucking hell. he's so understanding and he cares so much about me and makes sure i always know how much he loves me, and fuckkkk, mannnnn. i love him so much and he makes me so fucking happy, holy shit. he's the sweetest and he's so fucking funny and he goes above and beyond to make me smile and i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him. i love john. i love him so much. fuck.**

**marcelparcel, 5:21: as much as i ship scotty and i, i think john and smitty are definitely my OTP**

**scooter, 5:21: it's ok, me too babe**

**craigster, 5:21: tru, y'know they're just fuckin' goals**

**milkboi, 5:23 pm: like rn he's just watching the movie and every so often he leans over and presses a kiss to my forehead and i feel my heart do backflips, the same thing i felt that very first day i hung out with him. his eyes are such a gorgeous blue and they remind me of the ocean but they're so much better in every way possible, and his face is sculpted so perfectly, and there's not a single thing wrong** **with him.** **he's like a fucking god, am i dating a god? how did that happen???**

**daved, 5:24 pm: jesus lukas we get it lol you love him**

**terrorisa, 5:25 pm: aw lukas is such a fuckin' sweetheart, i bet john is going to look back at this when they're done w/ the movie and be so happy**

I glanced up at the movie screen to see what was happening. I realized that things were about to get intense. I shifted a bit and moved closer to John, who smiled and leaned over again, kissing the side of my head. I felt myself blush, and I leaned over to press a kiss to his lips. I held it there longer than I should have, and I lightly licked his lower lip, then pulled away to see that his face had gotten red. I smiled a bit, then glanced down at my phone again.

**milkboi, 5:28 pm: it's the cutest thing ever when he blushes, and his gIGGLE? oh my gosh. sometimes john just laughs over the silliest things and it creates these bubbles of laughter and they're so fucking cute and i just want to hold him forever and ever and ever and he's the sweetest boy... i'm so lucky, guys. i'm so fucking lucky**

I set my phone down again and glanced at the movie. The main character had his apparent love interest against the wall, and he looked somewhat uncomfortable. I felt my eyebrows furrow a bit as she leaned in and he pulled away. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He shook his head, then left the room, and left her standing there, dazed.

The camera panned away from the woman and onto the man again. He sat down on his couch and ran his fingers through his hair. I watched as his best friend sat down next to him and started comforting him. As I watched, I felt John's fingers brush against my face, and I turned my head to see him staring at me with a smile. I blushed, and rested my head on his shoulder.

We watched the movie for a while, just resting on each other in comfortable silence. After twenty or thirty minutes, I glanced at John, who was staring at me. I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, then turned my head away with a small smile.

John's hand lifted and he gently guided my head back to a position where it was facing him, and then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. He licked my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth, letting him in. I lifted my hands and ran them through his hair, wrapping my fingers in his beautiful, silky locks. Soon, I pulled away, and blushed. We had just made out in public. Sure, it was light- but that was pretty risky.

He chuckled, extremely aware of what stunt he had just pulled, and kissed my lips again before he pulled away once more. He focused on the movie, and I reached for my phone. With a hot face, I unlocked it and went through the messages I had missed.

**moommy, 5:49 pm: oh my god they're in LOVE it's official**

**terrorisa, 5:49 pm: it's tru, it's tru. they're in love and i'm here for it**

**jon, 5:50 pm: hey sorry i've not been on the gc but what's this ?? who's in love? what did evan and i miss these past two weeks?**

**daved, 5:50 pm: well, while u and evan were off in canada, a lot of shit went down. obviously the whole luke thing but you guys know about that already**

**jon, 5:51 pm: i was with his family, lol, it's not like anything happened. but yeah the luke shit sucked, but who's in love?**

**scooter, 5:52 pm: well there's two announcements**

**marcelparcel, 5:53 pm: scotty and i have been dating for a little over two months now**

**owlboy, 5:54 pm: oh my gosh! congratu-fucking-lations! even tho you were dating for a while but like congrats on finally telling everyone! y'all are so cute aw :)**

**craigster, 5:55 pm: and there's a** **_new_ ** **couple in town**

**jon, 5:56 pm: WHO**

**owlboy, 5:56 pm: WHO**

**milkboi, 6:16 pm: why'd nobody tell them? lol. but i mean, can't you figure it out by scrolling up and reading the past few texts**

**owlboy, 6:17 pm: no we're still on our way back from maple syrup land and there's barely any data so it's taking a while to even see these texts**

**milkboi, 6:17 pm: oh**

**milkboi, 6:18 pm: well it's me and john. we're dating :)**

**owlboy, 6:18 pm: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS OH MY GOD FINALLY HOLY SHIT**

**jon, 6:19 pm: OMG WAIT REALLY**

**jon, 6:19 pm: I'VE SHIPPED YOU TWO FOR SO** **_FUCKING_ ** **LONG YOU HAVE NO IDEA I'M EMOTIONAL RN**

**owlboy, 6:20: guys jon is crying jesus fucking christ**

**jon, 6:21 pm: NO LIKE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY'RE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE WHATTTTT I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU**

**milkboi, 6:21 pm: thanks guys :^) we're happy, too.**

With that, I put my phone down. John shifted besides me, and I soon felt his hand rest on my thigh. I smiled a bit, and we watched the movie in a comfortable silence.

After a few minutes, I felt John's hand slowly creeping further up my leg. It soon stopped on the inside of my thigh, and I felt a blush forming. I glanced at him, and he was staring at the screen, but he had a smirk on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing.

I sat up and pressed a kiss to his neck, holding it there for a while, before pulling away and glancing at the screen again. In return, he lightly squeezed my thigh. Soon, he leaned over and kissed the area just next to my lips. I shifted a bit, blushing and ignoring the sudden hot, burning sensation that had spiked in my chest. It wasn't painful, it was just.. strong.. and wanted immediate attention.

His eyes met mine and he offered a slight wink before he drew away. His eyes settled on the screen once more, and I took in a few deep breaths before grabbing my phone.

**milkboi, 6:46 pm: also have i mentioned he's s** **uper** **FUCKING HOT**

**craigster, 6:47 pm: are u guys about to fuck in a fucking movie theater**

**owlboy, 6:47 pm: lowkey tho that'd be hot**

**milkboi, 6:48 pm: no lmao wtf**

**thekryozkid, 6:49 pm: hmmm... ? ;)**

I was forced to put my phone down when a pair of lips met mine. I hurriedly kissed John back and wrapped my hands around his neck. One of his hands slid up into my hair and the other slid further down and settled on the top of my thigh. He left it there before he started lightly rubbing my leg. I pulled away for a second to breathe, then quickly reconnected our lips.

His tongue and mine battled for dominance, and I inevitably failed. His fingers played with my hair and soon, John pulled away from me, just to kiss my jaw. He started lightly pecking all over my jawline, and I felt my face heat even more.

"J-John, baby, we're.. we're in public."

"I know," he sighed, pulling away. "But the movie's almost over."

Actually, it  _was_ over.

We glanced at the screen when we heard applause and realized the credits had started rolling. John chuckled beside me and his hand quickly grabbed mine. Our fingers intertwined, and he pulled me up, then quickly pulled me away. We left all of our garbage there, like total assholes, but we had places to be at and things to do.

We ran out of the room and I pushed John against a wall, then smashed my lips against his. He kissed me back, then wrapped his arms around my waist. I quickly jumped up and wrapped my legs around him, and I pulled away from him, then wrapped my arms around his neck. He quickly ran out of the theater, his breathing a little heavy as I pressed kisses all over him.

He got to the car and opened the passenger door, then put me in my seat and shut the door. He quickly ran to the other side and opened the door, then got in and pulled out of our parking space. He quickly drove off, and a thick, tense silence rested between us. We knew exactly what was on the other's mind and all we wanted, all we craved, was to find a quiet space to be alone.

I grabbed my phone and read over the messages I had missed.

**terrorisa, 6:50 pm: oh shit**

**jon, 6:51 pm: DON'T miss me with that gay shit**

**owlboy, 6:52 pm: they're going to do the do**

**moommy, 6:53 pm: boys you better behave yourselves in public**

**ohmmm, 6:54 pm: aw c'mon brock they're young and in love**

**craigster, 6:55 pm: what ryan said**

**wildtyla, 6:56 pm: babe instead of doing that just do the '^' thing**

**craigster, 6:56 pm: oh ok**

**daved, 6:57 pm: oh my god are they fucking rn**

**ohmmm, 6:58 pm: jesus, daithi, way to be explicit**

**daved, 6:58 pm: it was a simple question**

**luiluiluilui, 6:59 pm: realistically they're probably driving back to one of their houses to fuck**

**wildtyla, 7:00 pm: why don't we talk about this without mentioning the fuck**

**terrorisa, 7:01 pm: okay, well maybe they're doing the FRICK FRACK (better, tyler?) in the car?**

**moommy, 7:02 pm: he has a point, y'know.**

**craigster, 7:03 pm: why are we talking about their fucking sex life**

**ohmmm, 7:04 pm: that's a great question**

**luiluiluilui, 7:05 pm: because we all know john can be a total fuckboy when he wants to be but like lukas seems like the most innocent lil thing ever y'know?**

**wildtyla, 7:06 pm: that's actually a good point, lui**

**daved, 7:07 pm: my boyfriend is the smartest boyfriend ever**

**moommy, 7:08 pm: yeah brian can be sort of stupid sometimes**

**terrorisa, 7:08 pm: what the fuck, brock? no cuddles tonight.**

**moommy, 7:09 pm: wAIT BABE NO I'M SORRY COME BACK**

**moommy, 7:10 pm: GOTTA GO GUYS BRIAN LEFT THE ROOM AND HE'S POUTING NOW**

**craigster, 7:11 pm: lmao good job, brock**

**jon, 7:12 pm: wait guys john and lukas both haven't texted since john sent that suggestive text**

**milkboi, 7:13 pm: why did you guys spend like twenty minutes discussing our sex life**

**owlboy, 7:13 pm: you fucking ruined it, jon.**

**jon, 7:14 pm: o shit my bad**

**craigster, 7:14 pm: because it's fun and we all know very well that you're going to do the do eventually**

**milkboi, 7:15 pm: i hate all of you.**

**milkboi, 7:16 pm: anyways i have to go john and i are finally at his place**

**wildtyla, 7:17 pm: finally? ;)**

**craigster, 7:17 pm: ;)**

**jon, 7:17 pm: ;)**

**owlboy, 7:17 pm: ;)**

**luiluiluilui, 7:17 pm: ;)**

**daved, 7:17 pm: ;)**

Rolling my eyes, I slid my phone into my pocket and hurriedly opened the car door. John grabbed my hand and we ran to his front door. He grabbed a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, then flung it open. He walked in, and I walked in after him, then shut the door behind me.

Almost instantly, John pushed me against the wall and our lips collided. I reached up and tangled my fingers in his hair. We kicked our shoes off without parting our lips, then we pulled away and I grabbed his hand. I intertwined our fingers, then ran to the stairs.

Halfway up the steps, John took my jacket off for me, and I took his off. We tossed them on the stairs and kissed, then ran to his room. He shut the door behind us and locked it, then pushed me onto the bed, and kissed me. He licked my lower lip, asking for entrance, and I decided to tease him a bit, keeping my lips shut. His fingers tangled in my hair and soon, he lightly tugged on a few strands. I gasped, surprised, and he slipped his tongue in my mouth.

I soon pulled away and pushed John off of me, then straddled him. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his neck, leaving plenty of marks that would certainly be visible for a while. His breath hitched often, and his hands soon reached up. He tugged my shirt off of me, and I chuckled, before connecting our lips. I pulled away, but only to take his shirt off of him.

Our lips connected once his shirt was fully off, and he flipped us over again, grinning down at me. "You're so  _fucking_ hot."

"Shut up," I muttered, blushing. His lips locked onto my neck, and then trailed further downwards, and he pressed kisses from my chest, to my stomach, to my belly button, and then stopped at the beginning of my jeans. I sat up, and tugged them off, then locked lips with him again.

I tangled my hands in his hair and he pulled away from me to kiss my neck. I soon let out a soft moan as he sucked on my sweet spot. He chuckled, and I felt my face heat up- not only because I just fucking moaned, but because  _fuck._ He was so  _hot,_  andI was so  _gay._

He soon pulled away, and I pushed him up and off of me, then I undid his belt and tugged his jeans off for him. He stared at me as I did it, and once I was done, I tossed them onto the floor. "I.. am  _so_ fucking glad your parents decided to go on another date tonight." I chuckled, then kissed him again, pushing him back down. We were almost fully undressed- the only things covering us were our underwear.

His skin and my skin met, and our lips connected, and our tongues fought, and our breaths collided, and our hands explored each other's bodies. His hand trailed down from my collarbone to my V-line, and he lightly traced it, then stopped where it was cut off. He sat up, pulling me up with him, and pulled me close to him, then whispered in my ear.

"You want this, right?"

"So fucking badly."

"Good. Me too."

Our lips met again, and it was a kiss full of passion, and want, and need, and lust. I chuckled after pulling away.

"You are  _so_ fucking hot," I whispered into his ear. I felt him tense, and then he pushed me down. His eyes met mine, and I felt my face heat up as I realized how dark they'd gotten.

"Let's save the compliments for later, baby. We've still got a lot to do."

 

•

 

John and I were laying in bed, a blanket over us. I was just staring at him, admiring his beauty. His eyes met mine and he smiled, then leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back, and he pulled me closer to him. I let out a happy sigh.

"I.. still can't believe that just happened," I chuckled a bit, blushing as I recalled what  _had_ just happened.

"Yeah, well I'm glad it did. I want to make you feel good in every way that I can." He murmured next to me, smiling.

"Me too." I leaned over and kissed him again, and we held it. It wasn't as needy or as lustful as any of our previous kisses from today, it was a simple kiss that held true to our emotions. We loved each other, and wanted to make the other happy and satisfied in every way we could.

"I love you, John." I murmured after pulling away, resting my head on his chest.

"I love you too, Lukas."

We held each other, then drifted into sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**john**

 

The next morning, I woke up to hear the shower running. The bed was cold beside me and I huffed, realizing Lukas had gone and taken a shower.

I rolled over and grabbed my phone, glancing at the time. It was only six. We had plenty of time. I unlocked my phone and went through the messages I had missed last night.

**wildtyla, 7:26 pm: guys they're totally having sex rn**

**luiluiluilui, 7:27 pm: no shit sherlock**

**jon, 7:27 pm: who do you think tops**

**craigster, 7:28 pm: john**

**wildtyla, 7:28 pm: john**

**daved, 7:28 pm: john**

**owlboy, 7:28 pm: john**

**moommy, 7:28 pm: john**

**terrorisa, 7:28 pm: john**

**jon, 7:28 pm: ok then**

**jon, 7:29 pm: what if they like switch tho?**

**moommy, 7:29 pm: actually jon you may have a point. i've seen lukas make john squirm before just when they've flirted, even before they started dating**

**daved, 7:30 pm: maybe smitty isn't as innocent as he seems**

**marcelparcel, 7:31 pm: can we stop talking about my son's sex life**

**scooter, 7:32 pm: yeah craig why are you and tyler ok w/ this**

**wildtyla, 7:33 pm: bc we've accepted the fact that john is growing up and is fully responsible**

**craigster, 7:34 pm: ^**

**scooter, 7:34 pm: ok well, marcel & i are gonna hop off, we're havin' a double date with lui & daithi tonight**

**luiluiluilui, 7:35 pm: yeah, if nogla would hurry the fuck up**

**daved, 7:36 pm: you can't rush perfection, lui**

**luiluiluilui, 7:36: you're already perfect, you dumbass, we're going to be late tho**

**marcelparcel, 7:37 pm: ok see you guys there**

**wildtyla, 7:38 pm: me and craig are signin' off, too. we're trying to make pizza together from scratch and it's not going well**

**craigster, 7:39 pm: yep! peace guys**

**jon, 7:40 pm: and then there were four**

**ohmmm, 7:41 pm: six, dumbass. just cause anthony and i are barely talking doesn't mean we're not here**

**pandaman, 7:42 pm: ^ what he said lol**

**owlboy, 7:43 pm: oof, damn, chill ryan. he didn't realize**

**ohmmm, 7:43 pm: ik, lol, i was only joking. someone's a little defensive, hmm?**

**owlboy, 7:44 pm: shuT UP**

**pandaman, 7:45 pm: lmaooo, ryan do you wanna watch some movies at my place? i'm bored**

**ohmmm, 7:46 pm: sure man. disney marathon?**

**pandaman, 7:46 pm: you fuckin' know it**

**terrorisa, 7:47 pm: hey, can brock and i come over, too? we've got nothin' planned for tonight**

**moommy, 7:48 pm: ^ :) ?**

**pandaman, 7:49: if it's fine w/ ryan then yeah idc**

**ohmmm, 7:49 pm: of course !!**

**moommy, 7:50 pm: okay, we'll be over soon :)**

**jon, 7:51 pm: well me and evan have to drive home still so there goes the gc for the rest of the night. goodnight guys :^)**

**owlboy, 7:52 pm: ^**

I rolled my eyes a bit as I finished the messages, then blushed as I recalled what had happened the night before. I rubbed my eyes, then sent a text to the group.

**thekyrozman, 6:06 am: gooooooood morniiiiiiiiing**

**craigster, 6:07 am: hey man, how was last night? ;)**

**thekyrozman, 6:07 am: i don't know what you're talking about :^)**

**milkboi, 6:08 am: i wouldn't be so sure about that**

I lowered my phone and glanced up to see Lukas standing by the doorway with a smile on his face. "Good morning, baby boy," He murmured, walking over to me and pressing a kiss on my head. I blushed a bit, then smiled.

"Morning, buttercup. I think I'm going to go ahead and take a shower now, okay?" I felt my smile grow as I noticed his neck was littered with hickeys, and I knew there were way more all over the rest of his body, too. I couldn't talk, though, I probably looked the same.

"Okay. And don't think I don't see you looking at my neck all proudly. You look the same." He grinned at me, then leaned over again and kissed the tip of my nose. "Go shower, it'll help you prep for the shit-storm that school's going to be today."

I nodded, and stood up, then quickly grabbed some clothes from my closet. I walked to the bathroom and hopped in the shower, washing up. I stood in there just a minute or two longer than I normally would have, thinking about how fucking in love with Lukas I was. The way he looked at me last night sent shivers down my spine, and I shook my head, brushing the feeling off.

I got out of the shower and dried off, then changed into my outfit. I brushed my teeth and hair, then grabbed my phone, checking the time. It was 6:20, and the boys had been talking in the groupchat.

**craigster, 6:08 am: oh SHIT maybe lukas does top**

**wildtyla, 6:09 am: idk what to believe anymore wtf**

**ohmmm, 6:10 am: oof why are we talking so early in the morning**

**terrorisa, 6:11 am: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS**

**moommy, 6:12 am: NEWS NEWS WE HAVE NEWS**

**pandaman, 6:13 am: ryan stop them pls**

**ohmmm, 6:13 am: anthony what am i supposed to do lol**

**milkboi, 6:14 am: ANTHONY AND RYAN ARE DATING AREN'T THEY**

**terrorisa, 6:14 am: aw lukas you ruined the surprise**

**craigster, 6:14 am: OOF I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS**

**jon, 6:15 am: i'm totally happy for the both of you too, but can i just make sure ryan's ok? like this is really soon after what happened with luke**

**owlboy, 6:16 am: jon i don't think now's the time for that**

**jon, 6:16 am: i'm sorry if i overstepped a boundary i just wanted to make sure ryan was actually okay**

**ohmmm, 6:16 am: no it's okay, really. actually i was worried i liked anthony because of the rebound thing that happens after relationships, but my relationship with luke was on a decline before he finally fucked everything up. i realized how much i liked anthony after we broke up**

**anthony, 6:17 am: yeah. i wouldn't date him if i wasn't sure he actually cared about me**

**marcelparcel, 6:17 am: i'm happy for you guys but i'm also a little confused? i thought anthony was straight?**

**scooter, 6:17 am: ^**

**milkboi, 6:18 am: maybe he's bi? or pan? who even cares about labels anyways**

**anthony, 6:18 am: yeah i've actually been questioning for a while and finally kind of determined i don't want a label on it rn. if there was a label, tho, it'd probably be pansexual.**

**wildtyla, 6:19 am: well as long as you guys are happy. that's all that matters**

**thekryozman, 6:20 am: hey! just read everything, congrats guys! i'm happy for you !! :)**

**ohmmm, 6:21 am: we are too, lol, but we have questions of our own**

**pandaman, 6:21 am: yeah, how WAS yesterday, boys?**

**milkboi, 6:22 am: why are we on this fucking topic again wtf**

**thekyrozman, 6:22 am: guys does it really matter that much**

**craigster, 6:22 am: obviously it does**

**jon, 6:22 am: guys lukas tops, i bet $10**

**wildtyla, 6:23 am: i'll bet $20 that john tops.**

**milkboi, 6:23 am: john baby why are you still in the bathroom if you're on your phone**

**thekyrozman, 6:23 am: idk**

**milkboi, 6:23 am: well come here loser**

**thekryozman, 6:23 am: okey :^)**

**wildtyla, 6:23 am: so lukas spent the night at john's... i wonder why? cause JOHN TOPS**

I shut my phone off, chuckling. I slid it into my pocket, then walked back to my room. Lukas was on the bed, laying on his stomach, with his phone below his face. He would shift every so often to type something.

"Hey, buttercup." I smiled as I watched his head shoot up. He sat up and extended his arms forward, then made grabby hands. I walked over to him and picked him up, then sat down, hugging him.

"I don't know if I'm ready for today," he murmured, frowning a bit. "Jeez. It's been two weeks since you've been there." He realized, glancing at me.

"Yeah. I wish we didn't have to go back, actually, but it's fine." I shrugged my shoulders.

He frowned, then suddenly groaned. "Ugh. We have Mr. Fuckface first period."

I sighed. "Oh gosh. I totally forgot about him. Gross."

"Oh wait, Craig's in our class. Shit. He's going to see us and lose his shit." Lukas lifted his head a bit and he glanced at his phone.

"Wait, why would he be losing his shit?" I murmured, a bit confused.

"Cause both of us are littered in hickeys." He looked back at me, chuckling.

"Oh... yeah.. that's a thing we have. I don't get why they won't shut up about us," I laughed, then grabbed my phone.

"Neither do I, but it's sort of fun to see them try and figure everything out." He smiled, grabbing his own phone. I opened the group-chat.

**owlboy, 6:24 am: john tops confirmed.**

**jon, 6:24 am: ffs all of you are dumb. lukas. tops.**

**ohmmm, 6:24 am: i think i agree w/ del**

**pandaman, 6:25 am: here i thought my boyfriend was actually smart**

**ohmmm, 6:25 am: fight me, panda**

**pandaman, 6:25 am: i couldn't fight someone as cute as you**

**ohmmm, 6:25 am: oof, my heart.**

**marcelparcel, 6:26 am: as much as i love my son, i don't think lukas is a top.**

**milkboi, 6:26 am: jee, thanks for believing in me, dad**

**scooter, 6:27 am: does nobody switch anymore except for me and marcel?**

**marcelparcel, 6:27 am: JESUS SCOTT NOBODY HAD TO KNOW THAT**

**thekryozman, 6:28 am: yES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S SEX LIFE INSTEAD KEEP IT GOING WE ALL WANT TO KNOW MORE**

**ohmmm, 6:29 am: what the fUCK is this group chat**

**terrorisa, 6:30 am: can't we just figure out who tops at lunch cause one of them's going to have a hard time sitting down**

**moommy, 6:31 am: wtf brian? i mean you're right but why would you think of that**

**jon, 6:32 am: is anyone at school yet**

**milkboi, 6:33 am: me and john are actually leaving soon**

**owlboy, 6:34 am: i'm in the library, delly :^)**

**jon, 6:34 am: sweet, i'll be there in five, ev**

**ohmmm, 6:35 am: delly? ev? nicknames? aw.**

**wildtyla, 6:35 am: why'd you and anthony disappear for a few minutes, ry?**

**pandaman, 6:35 am: a janitor just yelled at ryan for kissing my cheek and then ryan almost threw hands. i had to literally hold him back as he yelled at him**

**craigster, 6:36 am: oh, i know what janitor you're talkin about. yeah, he's a total bitch. we all make sure to be especially gay around him lmao**

**terrorisa, 6:37 am: hey guys, why don't we all meet at the big tree so we can hang for a bit before we gotta go to class?**

**thekryozman, 6:38 am: that's fine w/ me. lukas?**

**milkboi, 6:38 am: babe we're literally sitting right next to each other. but yeah**

**thekryozman, 6:39 am: okay, we'll be there soon guys. cya**

I shut my phone off and glanced at Lukas, who was already by the door. "Let's go!"

"Jeez, I thought you weren't excited?" I chuckled, standing.

"Not really but I do want to see the guys again." He murmured.

"Oh, same. Let's get going, then." I walked over to the door and we left the room, then found our jackets and slipped them on. We put on our shoes downstairs and I grabbed my backpack.

"My bag's in the car, right?" Lukas asked as we left. I nodded,

"Yeah, it's in the trunk."

Ever since that one incident, whenever one of us goes to the other's houses or we just hang out for a day, we take our backpacks in case we end up staying the night.

"Okay, good. I'll grab it real quick before I get in." Lukas murmured, walking to the trunk of the car. I unlocked it, and he popped it open, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. I walked over to the car and got in my seat, then shut the door and buckled my seat-belt. Lukas soon got in on the other side and buckled up, and we drove off.

Lukas plugged the aux cord into his phone and started playing some music, and we sang along to the lyrics as we made our way to the school. We cracked jokes and laughed, and I couldn't stop thinking about how happy I was.

I soon drove into the parking lot of the school, and parked. My eyes locked onto the tree and I chuckled a bit as I realized practically all of the guys were there. "Well, I guess we don't have to worry about Craig seeing us."

"Why?" Lukas murmured, picking his head up and following my gaze.

"Cause everyone else is going to see us, too." I said, unbuckling my belt.

"Oh.. good point." Lukas laughed a bit before he got out of the car, putting his backpack back on. I got out and walked over to him, then grabbed his hand. Our fingers intertwined as we made our way over to the tree. I observed them.

Ryan and Anthony were quietly talking. Ryan kept looking down at the ground and blushing, and Anthony had a huge grin on his face. Brian was talking to Craig, and Craig was staring back at him with an unimpressed expression on his face. Lui and Brock were sitting against the tree with a book in both of their hands, probably going over notes. Scotty and Marcel were holding each other, leaning against the tree and sharing headphones while watching something on one of their phones. David and Tyler were playing rock-paper-scissors and, after a round, David threw his arms up in celebration. Tyler shouted and slumped over in defeat, then grinned when his eyes landed on us.

"Hey, there's the fuckers!" Tyler shouted, and all of the guys turned to face us. I felt Lukas squeeze my hand as they all got quiet.

"Jesus, you guys went hard.." David murmured, his eyebrows raised. I shook my head,

"Can someone explain why our lives are so interesting to talk about in the group-chat?" I asked. Lukas swung our arms a bit and nodded his head.

"Yeah, it was like, all you guys talked about. Jeez."

"You're a new couple. It needed attention." Brock murmured, his eyes landing on us. I furrowed my eyebrows a bit,

"Not really, but okay."

"Dudes, you two are going to be the talk of the school." Ryan observed, a small smile on his lips. "Both of you are fucking covered in hickeys, John hasn't been here in two weeks, and the last time Lukas was here, he had a black eye and a fucked up hand. Once everyone realizes you two are dating, the school's gonna shit itself."

"That, my friends, is what we call: a power couple." Craig said, chuckling. Lukas shrugged a bit.

"I don't really care. There's not much for them to look at. I mean, other than John, cause he's the most perfect man that has ever existed, but I'm just kind of here.. like I've always been. Not much should change." He spoke, a little quieter than usual. I frowned as I picked up on his tone.

"Hey, stop that." I murmured, looking at him.

"Stop what?" He asked, frowning.

"You know what. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful, talented, hardworking person. If people don't know that, that's their own fault. You are loved." I leaned over and kissed his forehead, and he blushed a bit, then glanced down.

"I.. I don't know, John." He sighed. "What do I have to offer?" He glanced up at me. At this point, we were whispering to each other. The guys were all silent, so they were probably listening, but I didn't care. I didn't think Lukas really did, either.

"What  _don't_ you have to offer?" I sighed, frowning. All I wanted was for Lukas to realize how amazing he was. "You are funny. You are kind. You are smart. You can be a comedian, or you can keep doing YouTube. You make people happy. You could be a fucking surgeon. You could figure out how to establish world peace. You can do whatever you want to do, Lukas, because you are.. you. You're you. And you are capable of so many things."

He was quiet, then he reached up and kissed me. I kissed him back. We held it for a few moments, before he pulled away and hugged me. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, buttercup." I hugged him back, rubbing his back. I glanced at our friends and all of them quickly looked away. I rolled my eyes, chuckling. "You dumbasses don't have to act like you weren't watching. You didn't make any attempt to make it seem like you weren't."

Lukas pulled away from me and looked over at our friends. Anthony shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, fuck, you guys are like, the cutest thing ever. Forgive us for wanting to witness it."

"That was probably what Craig meant when he called you two a power couple." Brian said, glancing at us. "The both of you are amazing people, and together, you are an amazing couple. Everyone's going to ship the fuck out of you. Also, you're going to have a lot of influence. Like, a lot."

"That's too much responsibility, no thanks." Lukas quickly shook his head. "I'd much rather not." 

"It's called power couple for a reason, Lukas," Scotty said, chuckling.

We quickly changed the subject and talked and joked around for about an hour. We took some dumb pictures and put them on our social medias. As more time passed, more kids got to the school, and there were tons of eyes on us. A few people stopped and stared, and a group of kids walked over to Lukas and I and asked if we were "finally dating." Of course, we gave them a happy yes. They left, and one kid bragged about how they "knew it would happen eventually."

"Guys, the bell rings in five minutes. We've got to head inside." Lui suddenly muttered. "Yuck. David, carry me to my locker, please."

"What's the magic word, Lui?" David chuckled as he walked over to Lui.

"...Baby, carry me to my locker, please." Lui sighed, and David picked him up. Lui was always shy about being affectionate around his partners, and David was no exception. David, however, loved PDA- so the two often clashed in public. They worked well, though.

Lukas suddenly turned to me and grinned. "Hey, John?" He asked, extending my name. I raised an eyebrow,

"What?"

"Can I have a piggy-back ride?" He asked. "Please?"

I faked a sigh, then slowly nodded before I chuckled. "Yeah, of course." I took my backpack off and Lukas took it, slinging it over his back and on top of his own backpack. I bent over, and he quickly hopped on to my back, wrapping his legs around my waist. His arms draped over my neck and I held onto his hands, making sure he was secure. He kissed the top of my head, and I blushed a bit.

We quickly made our way towards the front entrance. Our friends trailed behind us, quietly talking to each other. Lukas laughed a bit as he bounced due to my walking, and he laughed even harder when I tripped. "Fuck off, Lukas!"

"You- you almost- we could have-" He cackled even harder as I swore at him, and I felt myself laughing, too.

"Hey, idiots, what the fuck are you laughing at!?" Brian shouted behind us.

"John tripped and we almost fell!" Lukas replied in between laughs. The guys quietly laughed behind us and once we were in the building, I turned to our hallway. I stopped at my locker, and opened it, then pulled out my books. Lukas handed me my bag and I put my stuff in it. He zipped it up and took it back.

I shut my locker and moved over a few lockers to his own. I bent over, laughing a bit, and Lukas put in his combination, then grabbed his stuff. He put it in his backpack and then shut his locker. "To Mr. Fuckface's classroom!" He cheered.

I rolled my eyes, smiling, and walked up the stairs. "Are you excited for his class all of a sudden?" I asked, smiling. I felt him shake his head.

"Not at all." He laughed. "It just feels nice to be back, y'know? I mean, not really, but after all the shit that's happened these past two weeks, it's nice to have a sense of normality, again. Like, how you feel when you walk into your home for the first time after a long vacation somewhere. It's bittersweet, because you're sad the vacation is over, but you're also glad to be back. To be familiar with your surroundings again."

I smiled, and grabbed his hand, kissing it. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel the same way. Except I'm even happier than I would be normally, because now you're my boyfriend, and I get to show you off to the whole school. I get to hold your hand and kiss you and hug you and tell everyone that asks us if we're dating that yes, you're mine, and I'm yours." I couldn't help but feel excitement and pride and happiness. I'm pretty sure all of those emotions and more came bursting out of me as I spoke.

"Ditto." Lukas said, chuckling a bit. "I love you, John."

"I love you too, Lukas."

We made it to Mr. F's class and walked inside. I didn't even bother letting Lukas hop off of me. Mr. F turned, and stared, silent. Soon, he shook his head, unimpressed. "Could you lovebirds please sit down, and maybe get off of John, Smitty?"

I felt my face heat up as the class exploded into a ton of 'ooooh's. I walked over to a set of empty desks. Lukas hopped off of me and slid into one of the seats, and I sat in the one next to him. Craig walked into the room and sat in an empty seat on the other side of Lukas. We started joking around, and soon the bell rang. Mr. F. walked to the front of the class, and started talking.

This was going to be a long day. But the school year was almost over. And then I'd have an entire summer to spend with friends, family, and Lukas.

I was so excited.

However, the school year still stood in our way. So we had a bit of time left before we could finally relax. And it'd be hard, because we were going to be slammed with tests and finals and papers in the next two months. But I'd get through it.

For him.


	15. Chapter 15

**lukas**   
  
  


_nine months later_

 

Today was the one-year anniversary of when John and I met.

December 7, 2016.

Today was December 7, 2017.

I couldn't believe it had already been a year since I met the love of my life. And yeah, we'd only been dating for a little over nine months, but  _fuck._ I had never been happier. He made me so fucking happy.

He was like.. god, how do I describe him?

He was the stars in the night sky. I never really looked at them much, but some nights I would look up and stare, and be amazed. From an outsider's point of view, John seemed like your average high-schooler. Popular, funny, and always seen with a bunch of friends. But to me, he was the most incredible sight. He was bright and made me happy and loved me.

Seeing his face after even a few hours of being separated was like taking a bite of your favorite candy that you haven't had in months. You were so glad to finally experience it again, but you savored the moment and took your time. 

I could spend the rest of my life giving reasons as to why he was the love of my life. His hair smelled like vanilla. His smile was bright and never failed to cheer me up. His eyes were sky blue, but they also reminded me of the brightest, bluest ocean waters. We actually often talked about going on a vacation somewhere some day. It didn't matter where, just as long as the sand was black and the ocean was blue. His voice as he spoke of our future filled me with hope.

_"Imagine it, Lukas. Our toes in the sand and our fingers intertwined, and it's just us, and the ocean, and the birds, and the sky." He whispered into my ear as my head rested on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, and it was calm, and gentle. His voice was giddy, although quiet, and I shut my eyes._

_"I can see it, John. I can see it. Can you?" I replied, smiling as his fingers gently played with my hair. We were on my roof again, our legs dangling over the edge. We were watching the sun go down, on this sweet night in April, and although it was one of the prettiest sights I'd ever seen, it wasn't nearly as beautiful as the man that was holding me._

_"Of course I can see it. I can see us, more importantly. I'm never letting go of you, Lukas. It doesn't matter how many hiccups we have, or how many bumps there are in the road ahead of us. It doesn't matter how many fights we'll get into over the stupidest of things. It doesn't matter if one of us moves. It doesn't matter if one of us reaches success before the other. Because I'm never going to let you go. I can't. I can't let you go. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the best thing that will ever happen to me." John spoke softly, and although my eyes were closed, I could practically see the smile on his face. My heart filled with warmth and happiness as he kept going. "You know, a lot of people probably think we won't last, because we're young and dumb. And yeah, we are young, and yeah, we are dumb. But I'm not dumb for falling in love with you. Because I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life. You."_

_I opened my eyes and sat up, then gently kissed him. He kissed me back, and after a few moments, I pulled away. A quiet, content sigh escaped from between my lips, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "You're like a phoenix, John."_

_"A phoenix? Why am I a phoenix?" He asked quietly, chuckling a bit._

_I smiled. "First of all, you're the most beautiful thing in the world. You're rare and extravagant and everyone who looks at you stops in their tracks. You leave everyone in awe as they stare at you. You're irreplaceable. Nobody can replace something as amazing as you."_

_I paused a bit to get a grasp on my thoughts before I continued. "And then there's.. there's you. Not your looks, but you. Who you are. You are unstoppable. You keep going, pushing further and further until you reach your destination. Sometimes you get stuck, but that's okay, because you recuperate and quickly adjust. Then you keep going, even if you have to take another path, and you reach your goal. And you know the legend of the phoenix, right? I mean, who doesn't? When they die, they burst into flames and then fall to the ground, in ash. Then the ash forms a new phoenix, and some people think it's an even better one- better than the phoenix who died."_

_I smiled as I spoke. "Whenever you fall, or stumble, or get tired of things, you get up. You always get back up. And you come back even stronger than you were before. Your experiences shape you into an even better person every single day, and that's astonishing, because you're already such an amazing person. How can someone so fucking perfect become even more perfect? I don't know, but you do it. Every day, my love for you only grows stronger. I'm so in love with you, John."_

_I sat up and looked at him. He had a smile on his face, a light blush dusting his cheeks, and some tears in his eyes. I chuckled a bit, then kissed him, and he kissed me back. We held it for a while, then he pulled away and hugged me. I hugged him back._

_"You are the love of my life. I love you, Lukas. I love you so much. I'm so in love with you. You're my world. You are my angel. You are my sunshine. You are my baby. You are my buttercup. I love you so much."_

_"I love you too, John. So much. You're.. you're my phoenix," I murmured, chuckling a bit. "I never want to lose you." I leaned up and kissed his forehead._

_"You won't. I promise."_

We held each other for the rest of that night. To this day, the nickname 'phoenix' for John has stuck around. He's still my baby boy, but.. Phoenix suited him better.

I was torn out of my thoughts by a quiet knock on my door. "Lukas? Can I come in?" My mom's voice came through, and I nodded, even though she couldn't see me.

"Sure." I sat up a bit, glancing at her as she walked in. She sat down on the edge of my bed with a smile.

"Your father and I both know how busy you've been at school. We also know that, uh.. today's an important day for you and John, so.. you don't have to go to school today."

I stared at her with a confused expression. My mom and dad both knew about our relationship by now. My mother supported it from the start, and my dad was a little iffy at first.. but he quickly warmed up to us after realizing how happy John made me. John's parents were the same- except they both welcomed me in from the start. However, my parents were hella strict about me and school. I mean, not like ridiculously strict or anything, but they wanted to make sure I did as well as possible. It definitely confused me that they were letting me have a day off for.. well, for no reason.

"I- what? Are you sure?" I sat up, blinking. "What about John? What's the point of me not going if he goes anyways?"

"Oh, well he's not going to school either, of course." She smiled, and I glanced up at the door as John walked into the room. He gave me a little wave, and my confusion only grew.

"Excuse my language, momma, but what the  _fuck_ is going on?" I asked, glancing back at her. She laughed, and stood up.

"You guys deserve a break. That's all I can say. Your father and I are heading out, we're having brunch with some of your father's cousins. Have a good day, you two." She reached over and kissed my forehead, then walked over to John and did the same, before leaving. I shook my head, mouth slightly agape, then glanced at John.

"What.. what?" I asked, blinking. When I saw the small smile on his lips, I rolled my eyes. "You were behind all of this, weren't you?"

"What can I say?" He chuckled, walking over to me. "We need a break, right?" He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, then wrapped my arms around his neck. I leaned in and kissed his lips. He kissed back, still smiling.

I soon pulled away and rested our foreheads against each other. He smiled and leaned in again, stealing a kiss, before he sat us down. I hummed, poking at his chest. He was wearing a nice, blue button-down shirt with white trees. "This is nice. Do I have to actually look presentable for something? Gross."

He chuckled, kissing my head. "I mean, you don't  _have_ to.. but it'd be nice?" He said, glancing at me. I sighed, then smiled.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, you butthead." I laughed a bit at my dumb insult and hugged him. "You smell nice. You're so cozy. I wonder how many times I've told you that by now?" I observed, smiling.

"Countless." John responded, then kissed my cheek. "Go get ready, and take your time if you have to. We don't have to be anywhere at a certain time."

"Alright, Phoenix," I murmured, reluctantly pulling away from him. "But.. you're so cozy though." I glanced up at him, and he smiled down at me.

"I know. You'll have to make it without me for a few minutes. Do you think you can handle that?" He asked, small bubbles of laughter escaping his mouth. I smiled. I loved when he laughed like that.

"I guess." I jokingly sighed, pretending to be more upset than I really was. "Don't move, because when I come back, I want more hugs, okay?"

"Okay, okay." John struggled to get his words out as I kissed him a bunch. "Babe, go get ready, please." He laughed.

"Alright, fine." I got up and walked over to my closet, then grabbed a nice shirt and black jeans. I jokingly blew him a kiss as I made my way out of my room, and he pretended to catch it. He put his hand over his heart and I laughed, then walked to the bathroom.

I quickly undressed myself and then got in the shower, turning the water on. I made sure it was a warm temperature before I washed up.

While I stayed in the shower, I couldn't help but think about today. What the fuck did John have planned, exactly? I wasn't worried, or anything like that, but I was confused. I mean, yeah, it  _was_ an important date in our history, but it wasn't like our anniversary of us being together or anything. Well, together as in like, a couple, I mean.

I got out as the water started getting cold and dried off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My mismatched eyes, crooked smile, and light freckles were all I could see. They stood out, and I hated it.

But he didn't.

_"Lukas, why don't you love yourself?"_

_It was a sudden question, one that I wasn't ready for. We were at the fair, with all of our friends. It was the middle of June, and it was hot outside. I was wearing shorts, and a tank-top- after a lot of hesitation. John finally managed to convince me I looked fine. Well, he didn't convince me, but I knew he hated seeing me act like that. Act like I wasn't beautiful, which he somehow thought I was._

_I knew I wasn't, though. But I was okay with that. Because whenever we were together, everyone could look at John- he deserved to be seen. I didn't._

_"I never learned how to, John."_

_The words left my mouth before I could stop them. I suppose I was right, though. I grew up hating myself. I grew up used to feeling like an outsider. Kids always made fun of my eyes. I think it scared them. For a long, long time, I thought I was a monster. I was convinced I was. It turns out that thinking you're a monster at six years old does a lot of damage to your self-esteem, even as you grow older._

_There was a lot of silence on John's end, and I sat there on the picnic bench, staring at the table. I studied it's crevices, and watched the little bugs run along it. They had places to be, and things to attend to, just like us. They had their own little worlds. They had their own problems. They might seem small compared to our situations, but to them.. they were massive._

_"What about you isn't perfect?" He spoke suddenly, his voice a lot quieter than normal. I turned to him to see him staring at me with a sad expression. I sighed, and glanced away._

_"Don't look at me like that, John. Don't pity me. I hate it." I rested my elbows on the table, careful not to hurt any of the little civilians on it. I laid my head in my hands and combed my fingers through my hair, then shut my eyes. "Nothing about me is perfect. Perfection is subjective. It depends on who you're talking to. Therefore, it doesn't really exist, does it?"_

_"Well, you're my version of perfection, Lukas." John's hand met my chin and he made me look at him. I tried to ignore the trails of salty water that were making their way down my face. I didn't know when, or why, I had started crying, and I hated crying in front of him. He had seen it happen countless times by now, but it didn't make it any easier. I was such an ugly crier._

_"You're supposed to say that, John. You're my boyfriend." I shook my head, and he frowned._

_"I don't say anything I don't mean, Lukas." He murmured, then kissed my forehead. "You're so perfect. Even when you cry. You're a pretty crier, you know that?"_

_"I hate you, and your pretty words, that make me feel so happy inside." I replied, shaking my head and looking away from him. He was so amazing. I didn't deserve him._

_"You can hate me all you want, and I will never stop loving you. Loving you, and your gorgeous eyes. You, and your pretty, asymmetrical smile. You, and your dozens of freckles, that make your face pop. You, and your cute nose. You, and your pink lips. You, and your bright teeth. You, and your messy hair. You, and your smooth skin. You, and your delicate, but slightly hardened hands. You, and your lean chest. You, and your cute belly. You, and your pretty legs. You, and your little feet. You, and your painted toes. You, and your deep morning voice. You, and your tired yawns. You, and your stupid jokes. You, and your loud laughter. You, and your adorable giggles. You, and your intricate mind. You, and your love of video games. You, and your desire to make people happy. You, and your endless fighting strength. You, and your future. You, and your past. You, and your present. You. I love you, Lukas."_

_I was crying even harder now, for obvious reasons, and I pulled John close to me. I hugged him, and cried into him. He rubbed little shapes into my back, and whispered sweet nothings into my ear. He played with my hair, and calmed me down._

_I pulled away and kissed him. He kissed me back, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I soon took his hands and kissed them before I intertwined our fingers._

_"I love you so fucking much, John."_

_"I love you more, Lukas."_

_"In your dreams, Phoenix."_

_"You wish, Buttercup."_

I met my eyes in the mirror again and realized I had started crying. A quiet knocking on the door startled me. "Lukas, baby? It's been an hour. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." John's smooth voice made it's way to my ears, and I felt myself calm down.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just.. got distracted. Sorry, I'll be out in five minutes." I replied.

"Okay." I heard his footsteps grow quieter as he walked away, and I dried my hair off. I changed into my outfit and, when I was fully dressed, glanced in the mirror again. My eyes landed on my face and I found that I still hated it. But.. maybe I didn't hate the freckles. Those were actually quite nice.

Maybe I was learning to love myself.

A small smile formed on my lips, and I shut the lights off, opening the door and walking out of the room. I walked to my room and saw John resting on the bed, staring at his phone. He sat up as he noticed me approaching, and held his arms out.

"Hey, beautiful." He said, and I climbed onto his lap, falling into his arms. He hugged me and I smiled.

"Hey, gorgeous." I replied, hugging him back. He smiled, and kissed my forehead. I chuckled a bit. "When are we gonna head out?"

"Whenever you're ready. You might wanna check the groupchat, though, the guys are surprisingly active." John murmured. I hummed, then rolled off of him and onto the floor. He laughed and shot his head up, glancing at me. "What the fuck, Lukas? Are you okay!?" He laughed even harder as he stared at me.

"That.. hurt more than I thought it would," I murmured, laughing a bit. I sat up and rubbed the side of my now-aching back. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it, then went through my messages.

**anthonys_bitch, 6:05 am: what is up friends**

**tonythetiger, 6:05 am: ryan what the fuck is your username?**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:05 am: thought you'd like it, babe**

**tonythetiger, 6:06 am: did you get drunk last night**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:06 am: ...yeah**

**tonythetiger, 6:06 am: dumbass. i'll be over in five.**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:06 am: ty baby !! :))))**

**miniladd, 6:07 am: is anyone up for a half-hr recording session rn?**

**evanoss,  6:07 am: craig our half hour recording sessions always turn into two hour recording sessions**

**delly, 6:08 am: ^**

**krykrykryoz, 6:09 am: HAHA fuck u guys i'm not going to scchooooool today :^)**

**waLUIgi, 6:10 am: why not wtaf, john**

**nogla, 6:11 am: john wtf you were supposed to help me with the math test in mrs. jone's class todayyyyy**

**krykrykryoz, 6:12 am: oh shitttt that's right,,, i might be able to google the answers real quick cause you know she takes the tests out of the workbook**

**nogla, 6:13 am: you'll send them to me if you find them?**

**krykrykryoz, 6:13 am: obviously, you dumbass**

**nogla, 6:14 am: tHANKS BEST FRIEND :^)**

**brain, 6:15 am: what am i then? a fucking potato?**

**brock_n_roll, 6:15 am: isn't that racist against your own race, babe?**

**brain, 6:16 am: shut up brock**

**tylor, 6:17 am: hey craigy can we stop at mcdick's before we go to school**

**miniladd, 6:19 am: of course babe**

**krykrykryoz, 6:24 am: NOGLA I FOUND THE SHIT**

**nogla, 6:25 am: FUc K yEah BAYBEEEEE , send it 2 me pls : ))))**

**krykrykryoz, 6:26 am: can do**

**krykrykryoz, 6:26 am: anyone else need it?**

**brock_n_roll, 6:26 am: I DO PLEASE JOHN I NEED IT**

**krykrykryoz, 6:26 am: okay, lmao, i'll get it to you**

**brain, 6:27 am: babe since when do you cheat**

**brock_n_roll, 6:27 am: I'M SO CLOSE TO HAVING A B IN MRS. JONE'S CLASS ADNDD I CAN'T RISK THAT OK**

**brain, 6:28 am: ok jesus**

**tylor, 6:29 am: lmao brockc, adndd?**

**delly, 6:30 am: brockc**

**evanoss, 6:30 am: brockc**

**waLUIgi, 6:30 am: brockc**

**brain, 6:30 am: brockc**

**brock_n_roll, 6:30 am: brockc**

**krykrykryoz, 6:30 am: brockc**

**scootsieroll, 6:30 am: brockc**

**marmar, 6:30 am: brockc**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:30 am: brockc**

**tonythetiger, 6:30 am: brockc**

**miniladd, 6:30 am: brockc**

**tylor, 6:31 am: two people came to life in the gc just to spite me**

**tylor, 6:31 am: even my boyfriend is against me**

**lukass, 6:32 am: brockc**

**tylor, 6:32 am: FUCK YOU LUKAS**

**lukass, 6:32 am: LMAOOOO**

**krykrykryoz, 6:33 am: that's my boi :')**

**lukass, 6:33 am: are you proud of me bb**

**krykrykryoz, 6:34 am: very**

**miniladd, 6:35 am: i can't believe john is abandoning his bf at school todaddy**

**lukass, 6:35 am: oh i'm not going either lol**

**lukass, 6:36 am: pJWFOIJALK WAIT**

**lukass, 6:36 am: TODADDY !?!?!? LMAOOOOO**

**brain, 6:37 am: I'M fucKING SCEAREAMING**

**delly, 6:38 am: craig has a daddy kink lmfao**

**evanoss, 6:39 am: guys no kinkshaming c'mon we're better than this**

**brock_n_roll, 6:39 am: you guys are so immature haha, it was just a typo. leave poor craig alone**

**tylor, 6:40 am: ;)**

**krykrykryoz, 6:41 am: tyler just exposed the FUCK out of craig**

**miniladd, 6:41 am: well shit tyler i guess we're not getting mcdicks**

**tylor, 6:42 am: waIT NO BABYYYY I'M SORRY I TAKE IT BACK**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:43 am: you can't really take that back, tyler, lmao**

**tonythetiger, 6:44 am: ryan unlock the door i'm here with hangover supplies but i can't get my key cus my hands are full**

**anthonys_bitch, 6:45 am: oof ok!**

**brain, 6:46 am: how are anthony's hands full if he was texting**

**lukass, 6:46 am: 'how are anthony's hands full if he was texting' conspiracy: a thread**

**waLUIgi, 6:46 am: how are anthony's hands full if he was texting? a conspiracy**

**waLUIgi, 6:47 am: FUCK YOU SMITTY**

**lukass, 6:48 am: I'M THE MEME LORD BITCH**

**brock_n_roll, 6:49 am: wAit why isn't lukas going to school today either wtf**

**nogla, 6:50 am: isn't today the anniversary of when they met lmao**

**brock_n_roll, 6:50 am: OH WAIT REALLY? AW THAT'S CUUUUUTE**

**nogla, 6:51 am: i mean if fucking all day is cute then ig?**

**lukass, 6:52 am: that's not what we're doing lmao**

**lukass, 6:53 am: actually idek what we're doing**

**lukass, 6:53 am: john what are we doing**

**krykrykryoz, 6:54 am: well i mean we're going on a date lol**

**miniladd, 6:55 am: is it somewhere nice?**

**krykrykryoz, 6:55 am: i can't spoil the surprise for lukas :^)**

**lukass, 6:56 am: it's at least semi-nice bc john made me dress up nice and he's wearing a pretty button-down shirt and he looks so good in it !! my mans can pull everything off i'm shook**

**marmar, 6:56 am: my child is so supportive of their boyfriend it fills me with joy**

**scootsieroll, 6:57 am: maybe SOMEONE should take notes?? (:**

**lukass, 6:58 am: oh no my parents are fighting :(((**

**marmar, 6:58 am: i AM supportive!! fym bitch!?**

**scootsieroll, 6:58 am: you won't let me renew my crunchyroll subscription you asshole**

**marmar, 6:59 am: cAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKIN' WATCH IT ANDYOU'RE JUST WASTING OYUR MONEY FFS**

**scootsieroll, 6:59 am: I'M WAITING FOR A GOOD SHOW TO COME ONTO IT THEN I CAN WATCH IT**

**marmar, 6:59 am: WELL THEN U CAN FUCKING BUY IT ONCE IT'S ON IT JESUS U DON'T HAVE TO WASTE UR MONEY IF YOU'RE NOT WATHCING ANYTHING ON IT YET**

**evanoss, 7:00 am: scott, marcel has a point lmao**

**lukass, 7:01 am: dad, dad is right.**

**scootsieroll, 7:01 am: which one of us are you talking to, son?**

**lukass, 7:01 am: both of you so i don't get in trouble by either of you :^)**

**marmar, 7:02 am: he's smart and i'm shook**

**scootsieroll, 7:03 am: he's growing up so fast, marcel**

**marmar, 7:03 am: i know, babe, i know. it's ok. i know.**

**krykrykryoz, 7:04 am: ok well. uh. y'all deal w/ your dysfunctional relationship and lukas and i are going to head out**

**lukass, 7:05 am: goodbye fathers. i love you. both.**

**scootsieroll, 7:06 am: goodbye for now, son**

**marmar, 7:07 am: farewell, lukas. have fun today :^)**

I chuckled and put my phone down, glancing at John who was gazing at me. He had a smile on his face. "What?" I asked, sitting up a bit. He shook his head, smiling.

"Nothing, I just can't wrap my mind around how beautiful you are." He chuckled. I blushed, and stood up.

"Alrighty, well. We should probably go, right?" I yawned, slipping my shoes on. John nodded, standing up.

"You don't need your jacket, by the way. It's like.. seventy degrees out. Global warming!" He sarcastically cheered.

"Oh, jeez. Okay then." I walked over to the door and shut the lights off, then left the room. John followed me, and I walked downstairs. I glanced around, and realized my parents had already left. "Alright. You can head out first, I've gotta lock up."

I grabbed my wallet off of the counter and slipped it into my back pocket, then grabbed my hat and put it on. It was a black dad hat, with a little, gold winky face embroidered into it. John had gotten it for me at the mall once, just cause I said I liked it.

I turned around and headed towards the door. I walked out and noticed that John was standing and waiting for me. I smiled, then shut the door, locking it. I slipped my keys into my back pocket with my wallet and walked to John's car.

"I still can't believe your parents finally got you a car." John murmured behind me. I spun around and smiled, then glanced at the car in my driveway. It was an old, '67 Chevy Impala. It was white and drove like a beast. She was my prized possession. Her name was Bella.

"She has a name, John." I chuckled, opening up the passenger door to John's pick-up and getting in. I buckled my seat-belt and smiled as John got in the driver's seat. He buckled up, then glanced at me.

"What's her name?" He asked, smiling and putting the keys in.

"Bella. I would've named her Belle, because that directly means beautiful, but Bella sounded nicer and it basically means the same thing." I chuckled.

John nodded, "I like it. It suits her." He started the car, and then drove away.

"Alright, so where are we going?" I asked, rolling the window down and letting some air in. I smiled, taking a deep breath and enjoying our surroundings. The trees were mostly bare- there were a few that had some leaves remaining, which impressed me. The sudden heat spike definitely concerned me, but I pushed that to the back of my mind and just enjoyed the outside world. Birds were chirping, which was nice to hear, and the sky was mostly open. There were a few, fluffy clouds breaking the blue mask, but not many.

"You know I can't tell you that," John smiled. I put the aux cord into my phone and turned on some music, but kept the volume down so we could talk.

"Alright, well how long is the drive?" I asked, looking over at him.

John chuckled a bit, keeping his eyes on the road in front of us. "Yeah.. about that. Uh, we should probably stop at a gas station before we finally hit the highway and grab a few drinks. Maybe a couple of snacks, too."

"Highway? We're going on the highway?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows a bit.

"It's about a four hour drive." He said, smiling.

"Holy  _shit,_ John!" My eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." He chuckled. "It's worth it, though. Where we're going is really pretty."

I sighed, then shook my head with a smile. "Yeah, we should probably stop somewhere. I also have to piss."

"Then we'll stop. In like. An hour."

"John. I'm going to actually murder you."

"You've held it for longer, right?"

"That's not the point!"

"You'll live, drama queen."

"Fuck you."

"Love you too, babe."

I chuckled, and turned the music up, and we drove. I stared out the window and smiled as we passed a playground. A ton of parents were there with their especially young kids- those who weren't old enough to be in school yet- having fun and enjoying the nice weather. I felt a warm feeling in my chest, and I glanced over at John.

"What do you think about kids, babe?"

"They're mostly annoying. But I think I'd like to have some of my own. Maybe. Probably." He replied, a small smile on his lips.

"Yeah. Same. I wouldn't want a lot, though. Maybe one or two. A boy and a girl." I glanced out the window again, smiling as the breeze lightly brushed my face.

"Yeah. Twins, maybe. I think I'd rather adopt, though, then have any of that surrogate crap. That's too complicated, and there's also so many kids out there who need a family, you know?" John murmured, and I glanced at him.

"Are we the same person?" I chuckled. "I was thinking the same thing. I mean, I've always thought that way, though."

John smiled. "Alright, well it's good to know we're on the same page about this. We've got a long way to go until that point, though."

"Yeah, I know." I glanced out the window again. "It just came into my mind, cause I saw these families at the park and was thinking. Just.. about our future, y'know?"

"Yeah. I'm sort of scared, if I'm honest. Of the future." John's voice got a little quieter, and I frowned a bit as I listened to him. "I mean, I'm excited, of course. To grow up even more, and to make more memories with you, and our families, and our friends. To have a career and spend the rest of my life doing what I love, whatever that might end up being. Hopefully it's YouTube, but it might change. We don't know. And that's what scares me. Change. What if everything changes, all of a sudden? What if the apocalypse starts? What if natural disasters destroy the world? What if you leave me? What if one of us moves? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

I glanced at him, and felt a ball of pain suddenly expand in my chest. He had little tears flowing down his face, and I leaned over, then wiped them off. I rested my left hand on his right hand- the hand that wasn't on the wheel- and held it tight.

"I will never leave you, John, if I have any choice in the matter. And if I do, I will find my way back to you. One way or another. I promise."

"What if... what if you.. I can't.. say it, but.."

"Then you move on. Because you deserve happiness. And you deserve love. And if I'm not here, I don't want to hold you back from finding love again. But nothing is going to happen, I promise. And like I said, if it does, then you get over it. Don't forget about me, but move on. Or else I'm going to come back as a ghost, and haunt your sorry ass." I spoke, trying to lighten the mood. I leaned over and kissed his hand.

"We have our entire lives ahead of us, baby. Don't worry about these things, okay?" I murmured, then glanced at him. "Also, I don't want you to be afraid of change. It can be scary. It can be threatening. But it can be  _wonderful._ It can shock you and amaze you and leave you in joy. You changed my life, and that was the biggest, boldest change I've ever experienced. And it was the best one of them all. Now come on. Let's listen to some music, and take it easy for the rest of the day, okay?"

"Okay. Yeah, okay." John sniffled a bit, then smiled at me. I chuckled, and kissed his cheek, before sitting back down.

"I love you, Phoenix."

"I love you too, Buttercup."

 

•

 

John stopped the car in front of a bunch of trees.

"We drove for almost five hours to stop at a forest? There's plenty of those back at home, John. I'm so confused." I glanced at him, my eyebrows furrowed. His lips curved to show a smile on his face.

"That's not all. Come on, help me take the crap out of the trunk, and I'll show you the rest." He unbuckled his seat-belt, then hopped out of the car. I was confused, but did the same. I walked over to the trunk and saw that it was already open. He was pulling out some bags of crap.

"Are we having another picnic?" I asked, chuckling.

"Well, duh. It's like, tradition, at this point. And I would've done it at the park, but.. that was getting a little old. I want to make as many new memories with you as I possibly can. I want to experience things with you in new places, where we're not totally in our comfort zone, but we still have each other." John explained as he handed me a few bags. I took them with a smile on my face. He soon shut the trunk and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. "Now, follow me, buttercup. We've got a sight to see."

He walked forward into the forest and I walked behind him, the smile on my face never leaving. It was a really pretty forest, if I was being honest. It was only around eleven o'clock, so the sun was still high in the sky, and I was enjoying our view. John suddenly stopped in his tracks, and I walked right into his back. "John, what-"

"Shh!"

I peeked around him and my eyes widened a bit as I saw a baby deer trying to hide behind a tree. "Whoah." I glanced around, trying to see if the mother was around anywhere.

"It must have gotten scared or something and ran off. We've gotta get this poor thing back to it's mom." John frowned, setting his bags down.

"I agree, but how are we supposed to that?" I scratched at my head after I set my own bags down. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sat down, then took a few pictures of the deer as I waited for John's response.

"We find the mom, and then scare the baby back to it. It's mean, but it's the only way we can get it back safely." John glanced at me, and I blinked, then nodded.

"That would work. But where would the mom be?" I asked.

"Wherever food is. She was probably looking for food anyways when the baby ran off." He murmured. "She also can't be too far away." 

"Okay. So we go look for bushes with berries, or plants that have dropped seeds, and try and locate the mom?" I stood up, putting my phone in my pocket. John nodded.

"That's the only thing that we can really do, right?" He frowned a bit. I nodded, glancing at the deer again. A quiet rustle behind us made me freeze, and I quickly grabbed John's arm.

"Don't say anything, or move, or do anything at all." He glanced at me like I was insane.

"Why not..?" He whispered, frowning. I shook my head, and slowly turned it to the right, glancing behind us.

Some ferns were moving, and soon, a little black nose poked out of it. I moved to the left, backing John and I up, and kept my eyes on the ferns. A deer's face was soon completely out, and it's eyes locked on us. We stayed still, and quiet, and the deer's eyes soon landed on the baby.

I watched as the deer fully emerged from the ferns and trotted over to the baby, who quickly nuzzled it's side with it's little head. I felt a small smile form, and the deer trotted away. The baby made sure to stay right by it's mothers side, and the mother glanced back at me as it walked away, almost as if it was saying thank you. I knew that was crazy, but I couldn't help but feel that way.

"How did you hear it coming?" John asked next to me, and I loosened my grip on him. "Now that I think about it, you've always had a sharp sense of hearing."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe my hearing is just better than normal people's?" I chuckled a bit. "That sounds stupid. I don't know, John."

"That deer looked at you weird. Did you notice that? It looked, like, directly at you, as if it was recognizing you for doing something." He narrowed his eyes a bit. "Am I dating a super-human? Can you talk to animals?" He smiled.

I laughed, and kissed his head. "No, I don't think I can, but that'd be pretty freakin' cool if I could."

He smiled, and picked up his bags. "Well, that was eventful."

"Yeah," I chuckled a bit, picking up my own bags.

"Come on, we've still got a bit to go until we reach our destination." He murmured, taking my hand again, and we walked. There was no trail, so we had to walk over logs and jump over puddles, and at one point we had to leap over a stream. I kept making us stop so I could take some pretty photos, and John had no problem with it. I couldn't express how much I loved him.

"Oh, we're here. Quick, close your eyes." John murmured. I did as told, but clutched onto his side.

"If I fall and die it's your fault," I warned. He started walking, guiding me along.

"Don't worry, I've got you. You're safe in my arms." He said softly, and I could tell he was smiling.

"Alright. You can put your bags down, but don't open your eyes yet." He mumbled. I blinked, furrowing my eyebrows a bit, and set my bags down. I heard him do the same.

"John, what is happening? Are you leading me into a death trap?" I laughed, and I heard him chuckle.

"No, dumbass. Actually- this might sound weird- but take your shoes and socks off. I'll help you sit down," He helped me sit, and then I did what he asked me to do.

"Okay, now I'm concerned. Are you, like, going to make me fall into a pit of lava? John, what the  _fuck_ is happening?" I asked. When I was done, John helped me stand back up, and I crinkled my nose up as I felt dirt underneath me.

"Take two steps forward," He murmured, and I did.

Sand.

I felt sand.

"Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes, and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

In front of me was a quiet, calm lake. It was a pretty blue color, and there were no waves, aside from the gentle, small lapping of the end of it against the shore. That was probably due to a river, or something, that lead into it, considering there were no boats on the lake. The sand I stood on was warm, and a bright orange. There were little prints in the sand, from birds, or from other animals that had passed.

"John.. holy shit. It's fucking beautiful." I smiled, then glanced at John, who was staring at me with a huge grin on his face.

"Not as beautiful as you, Lukas. And.. before you say anything.. I have to tell you something." He reached a hand into his pocket, and then pulled out a little, purple box. My breath hitched, and I stared at him.

"We haven't even been together for a year, but I am hopelessly in love with you. You are my  _world,_ Lukas. You are the most important person to me and I want you to know that. I want to grow old with you. I want to raise a family with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that's a lot, considering we're both barely eighteen, but I mean it. I mean all of it. You are.. amazing. You are perfect. I love you so much, and I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want to make a promise."

He flipped the box open, and inside of it was the  _prettiest fucking ring I'd ever seen._ It had a black band, but it had a dark, breathtaking emerald gem, that was bordered by two smaller emerald gems. I felt my eyes water, and I glanced at him again.

"This is a promise ring, Lukas, and with it, I ensure promises. I promise that I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. I promise that we're going to have a future together. And I promise.. that no matter what happens, I will never forget you. If something goes wrong along the way, I promise that I will find you again. I will find you, if it takes the rest of my life. I will find you, and I will hold you, and I will tell you what I need to tell you. Whatever it might be. It might be an apology, or it might be a confession, or it might be a proposal. But I will find you, and I will never stop loving you. I promise."

I let the tears stream down my face and I grabbed him, then hugged him. He hugged me back, and I found that I couldn't stop crying. I was so.. fucking.. happy.

I soon pulled away, and he took my left hand, then slipped the ring onto my ring finger. I reached up and kissed him, and he kissed me back. When I pulled away to breathe, I quickly reconnected our lips again afterwards. The next time we pulled away, I rested my head against his chest.

"I love you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, John. I am so in love with you. Holy shit. You are the most amazing, special, perfect person in the fucking world. I love you." I murmured, then kissed him again. He kissed me back, smiling.

I soon pulled away and glanced down at my hand, a grin on my face. "This is so fucking pretty. How long have you been planning this?" I asked, glancing at him.

He shrugged, chuckling. "Uh, a little over two months."

"Holy shit, John." I shook my head, then kissed him again. I pulled away and glanced at the lake. "Holy shit."

John smiled. "I was actually really afraid you wouldn't like it."

"What about this wouldn't I like? This is a beautiful place, this is a beautiful ring, your words were fucking beautiful, and you're beautiful." I said, glancing at him again. "You are so important to me.  _So_ important to me."

"I just want the best for you, buttercup." He said, smiling. He soon lifted my hand and kissed it.

"You  _are_ the best for me. You're my phoenix." I leaned in, and kissed him again. He kissed me back, and we sat down in the sand.

"Babe?" I glanced at him.

"Hmm?"

"Why'd you make us wear such nice clothes if you were going to take us to a beach?"

"I don't know." He laughed a bit. "It's fine, though. Nothing a little washing can't fix."

"I still can't believe you gave me a fucking promise ring." I said, smiling. I glanced down at the ring. "..Can I tell our friends?"

"Of course you can, dummy." John chuckled. "Actually, can I take a picture of your hand?"

"Yeah. I'm going to take a few pictures of the beach, too. And then, uh, since we're already on the cheesy road, can we take a picture of us kissing?" I blushed a bit as I asked the question, and John chuckled, then nodded.

"Yeah. We're teenagers. We get to brag about how happy we are, right?" He leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back.

We took a few minutes to take the pictures, and I sent the one of the deer, one of the beach, and then the one of us kissing. I decided I'd wait a bit until I sent the one of the ring.

**lukass, 11:56 am: i'm in love.**

**lukass, 11:56 am:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**lukass, 11:56 am:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**lukass, 11:56 am:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**krykrykryoz, 11:57 am: me too.**

**krykrykryoz, 11:57 am:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**krykrykryoz, 11:57 am:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**krykrykryoz, 11:57 am: >>>> picture attached**

**miniladd, 11:58 am: i'm in the middle of class wtf are you guys doing**

**miniladd, 11:58 am: NVM I OPENED THE PICTURES OFH MY GOD YOU CUFKCING CUTIES !!!**

**brain, 11:58 am: you're not in the middle of class, craig, fym. lunch is in two minutes lmao**

**brain, 11:59 am: HOLY SHIT THOSE POHTOS**

**waLUIgi, 11:59 am: alright, well the cutest couple here IS lukas and john. i'm a little upset that nogla and i have been dethroned.**

**nogla, 11:59 am: where the fuck are you guys? i mean yeah cute photos but wtf**

**lukass, 12:00 pm: he took me to a beach right off of a forest. it was a four hour drive but it was completely worth it**

**evanoss, 12:00 pm: oh my GOD jon why don't you do that w/ me?**

**delly, 12:00 pm: cause our six-month anniversary isn't till two months from now, loser**

**marmar, 12:01 pm: just sat down at the lunch table, why is the gc so active all of a sudden?**

**marmar, 12:01 pm: OH MY GOD LUKAS YOU AND JOHN ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WAHT THE ACTUAL FUCK**

**scootsieroll, 12:01 pm: ^^^^^^** **FUcKIN CUTIES**

**brock_n_roll, 12:02 pm: aww! what the hecK!! y'all are goals ! :)**

**anthonys_bitch, 12:02 pm: so the date is going well, i'd imagine?**

**krykrykryoz, 12:02 pm: well i mean we helped a baby deer reunite with it's mom, and then i.. uh.. well** **..** **lukas** **,** **baby** **,** **send the photo?**

**lukass, 12:03 pm: john made me cry**

**lukass, 12:03 pm:** **_> >>> picture attached_ **

**tonythetiger, 12:03 pm: IS THAT A FUCKING PROMISE RING**

**tylor, 12:04 pm: WAIT I JUST GOT ON AND JHON FUCKING DI THE PROMISE THING? TO LUKAS?**

**miniladd, 12:04 pm: OH MY FUCKING GOD**

**evanoss, 12:04 pm: jon just fucking screamed in my ear next to me when he opened the photo**

**evanoss, 12:04 pm: he's fucking crying LMAO**

**delly, 12:05 pm: OH MY GOD JOHN AND LUKAS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU TWO YOU DESERVE THE BEST YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD WHOLESOME PURE AND AMAZING COUPLE I'M SO HAPPY YOU HAVE COME THIS FAR BLESS THE FUCK UP YOU DESERVE THE WORLD OH MY GOD I HOPE YOU GROW OLD TOGETHER AND HAVE THE BESTEST FUTURE**

**anthonys_bitch, 12:05 pm: WHAT THE FUCK**

**brain, 12:05 pm: i think i just shit my pants**

**brock_n_roll, 12:06 pm: I'M SO HAPPY FOR U TWO WAHT OH MY GOSH !!!!!!**

**lukass, 12:07 pm: yeah. we couldn't be happier. thanks, guys.**

**krykrykryoz, 12:07 pm: lukas started crying like right away and i felt bad but i knew it was a happy cry so it's okay**

**waLUIgi, 12:08 pm: holy..... guacamole.. that's amazing? good for you guys! wtf! holy shit!**

**scootsieroll, 12:08 pm: i just got my lunch what did i miss in the gc**

**scootsieroll, 12:08 pm: OHMY GOD**

**scootsieroll, 12:08 pm: JONHN, LUKAS I'M SOH HAPPY FOR YOUU TWO**

**marmar, 12:08 pm: WAOEFAWLEKJFAWLEKFJWAOEIFJAWEFPIJFOI UFIF IUFH WEIUF HLWHEF JWE**

**marmar, 12:09 pm: what i meant to say is**

**marmar, 12:09 pm: I'M SO FUCKING SHOOK RN BUT ALSO LIKE HOLY SHIT IM SO HAPPY FO RYOU GUYS**

**evanoss, 12:09 pm: oh god**

**evanoss, 12:09 pm: guys i'm so sorry i couldn't stop jon**

**evanoss, 12:09 pm: he just stood up and started shouting about you two**

**evanoss, 12:09 pm: like sohuting about how "JOHN JUST GAVE LUKAS A PROMISE RING AND IF THAT DOESN'T SCREAM COUPLE GOALS TO YOU THEN YOU'RE ALL FUCKING DELUSIONAL"**

**evanoss, 12:09 pm:** **_> >>> video attached_ **

**evanoss, 12:09 pm: i'm so sorry**

**lukass, 12:10 pm: LMAOOOO THAT'S OUR BOY**

**krykrykryoz, 12:10 pm: tell jon we're proud of him lol**

**krykrykryoz, 12:11 pm: thanks for all the support btw guys. but we're going to go**

**lukass, 12:11 pm: yeah. we've got the rest of our date ahead of us**

**brock_n_roll, 12:12 pm: hAVE FUN LOVEBIRDS !! :^)**

I slid my phone back in my pocket and glanced at John. He was staring at me with a huge smile on his face. "Have I ever told you how pretty I think you are?"

"Countless times, John." I chuckled a bit, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips. He kissed me back, then lightly licked my lower lip, asking for entrance. I parted my lips and our tongues fought, before his won. I reached up and tangled my hands in his hair. We didn't separate until we had to breathe, and when we parted, we connected lips again immediately after.

After a while- probably too long- of that, I pulled away and rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was slightly faster than normal, and I smiled. "I love you, John."

"I love you too, Lukas."

And he meant it.

I knew he did.

He laid down, dirtying his clothes in the sand, and I laid down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and we stared at the bright sky. In that moment, I realized how true his promise was. I knew he loved me. I knew he would always love me. Even if the future separated us. Even if we didn't see each other for a while. We would find each other again.

I didn't know why, but I felt like I had to remember that. It was vital for me to remember that.

I pushed the feeling aside and leaned over again, pressing a kiss against John's lips. He kissed me back, and I pulled away to rest my head on his chest again.

I stared at the sky, and a warm, tranquil feeling filled me. It started in my chest, and it blossomed throughout me, traveling through my veins and spreading all over my body. I was content. I was happy.

When I got sad, he knew how to make me happy. When I got stuck, he knew how to loosen me. When I got confused, he helped me figure out where to go. When I was happy, he made me even happier. When I felt alone, he saved me from my loneliness. Whenever I felt any particular way, he always made me feel better. I was his buttercup, and he wanted the best for me.

A quiet, happy realization presented itself at the front of my thoughts.

He really was my phoenix.

And he always would be.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have fun reading this chapter <3

**john**

 

_three weeks later_

 

All good things must come to an end.

I've hated that saying since I first heard it as a little kid.

Because, why? Why does it have to end? Why can't it keep going? There's no reason for it to end. No fucking reason. This bullshit society that we live in can't do anything right. It can't stop the good things from ending. 

Two weeks ago, I got a call from Lukas' mom. 

_"John?" Fiona's voice was quiet, and rough, as if she had been crying. Instantly, my heart lurched and I frowned._

_"Fiona..? What happened? Are you alright?" I asked, nervously bouncing my leg._

_"No.. I.. I'm fine, but.. can you.. can you come over?" She asked, sniffling._

_"Yeah, I'll be there right away." I quickly hung up, then slipped my jacket on, along with my shoes. I grabbed my keys and ran out the door without telling my parents where I was going. I got in the car, put the keys in, and drove. I didn't bother buckling my seat-belt. I had to drive._

_I didn't know why, but there was this.. gut feeling.. of fear. Something happened. And it was bad._

_I did my best to push it down, because paying attention to it only filled me with even more fear. The anxiety swirling in my chest made me start to feel nauseous and I started to take deep breaths, trying my best to calm myself down. "It's fine, John. Whatever it is, it's fine. It can't be that bad."_

_I soon saw Lukas' house and realized both of his parents were in front of it, but Lukas wasn't anywhere to be seen. He was probably inside, or something. As I pulled up in front of the house, I realized Erick was comforting Fiona. Obviously, this only made my fear increase._

_I got out of the car and jogged over to them, confusion and fear clear in my voice. "What happened? Are you two okay? Where's Lukas?"_

_This only made Fiona cry harder, and I glanced at Erick with furrowed eyebrows. He bit his lip, staring at the ground, and shaking his head. I didn't notice it before, but light tears of his own were trailing down his face. "It's.. about Lukas, John."_

_"What does that mean?" I felt my stomach drop. "What does that mean?" I repeated, staring at Erick. "Erick, what does that mean!?"_

_"He.. he's gone. He vanished. He went out to go.. to go buy something, and that was yesterday morning. He hasn't come back. Nobody's seen him. He's gone, John."_

_"No, he's probably just at your place, right, John? Right? He just forgot to text me, right John?" The desperation in Fiona's voice made my heart shatter, and I felt myself slowly start to shake._

_"I haven't.. seen him." I could barely get the words out, and I shook my head. "This is a joke, right? Right?"_

_I glanced at Fiona, who practically collapsed into Erick's arms. Erick shook his head._

_I watched the world around me to start to twist, and turn, and I slowly lowered myself to the ground. I sat, in silence, staring at the ground as the tears made their way down my face._

_"He's.. gone?"_

_"No, he's not gone! He's just.. maybe he just fell asleep! While driving!" Fiona muttered, sobbing. I glanced at the driveway and noticed that Bella was gone. I started shaking even harder as my mind threw all of the possible explanations as to why Lukas was missing at me._

_He's fine, he's fine, he's fine._

_He had to be fine. Right?_

_Right._

_Because he was only eighteen. He had his whole life in front of him. He was fine. He had to be fine. He's fine._

Later that day, they filed a report, and the fact that Lukas was missing suddenly spread across our school like a wildfire. I didn't do anything in my classes, and my friends didn't either. It hurt all of us. He was here one moment and then.. gone the next. Everyone looked for him. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.

I checked our park. He wasn't there. 

I drove for four fucking hours, with all of my friends packed into my pick-up truck, and checked to see if he was at the beach. 

_I pulled the p_ _ick-up to a stop in front of the forest, put in park, and got out of the car._

_"Lukas!?" My voice shouted, and soon it was joined by the rest of my friends._

_"Lukas!? What the fuck! Where are you!?"_

_I ran into the forest, ignoring the sharp stings of pain I felt as stray branches cut into my face. I tripped and stumbled over logs and plants, but kept running. "Lukas!?" I was practically screaming at this point, desperate to find him. He had to be here. He was here. Where else could he be!?_

_"Lukas!? Buttercup? Where are you!?" I felt like throwing up. All of us were calling for him, and we all got nothing in return. Nothing but the echoes of our voices as they bounced around the forest._

_I soon reached the edge of the forest, and stumbled onto the beach, then collapsed into the sand. I was sobbing, and I couldn't breathe. I felt arms around my waist and someone hugged me, rubbing my back. I shook and cried into them as the rest of our friends kept calling for Lukas._

_"He's gone.. he's gone.. he's gone. He's gone. He's gone," I repeated, over, and over, and over, and over again. I couldn't grasp it. He was gone._

_Lukas was gone._

_I'd never see him again._

_He was **gone.**_

A week ago, someone called me.

_"John?"_

_"Craig?"_

_"Get over here. Now."_

_I did. I got in my car and drove as fast as I could. I blew about three red lights and two stop signs. I didn't know what happened, but the urgency in Craig's voice told me I didn't have time to waste._

_I stopped in front of Craig's car and ran to his house, then flung the door open. My eyes widened as I saw all of our friends on the floor, huddled together and staring at one of their laptops._

_"Guys? What the fuck is happening?"_

_"Get over here, John." Craig called, waving his arm and beckoning me over. Some of the guys moved so I could walk over, and I did, then glanced at the laptop._

_"Who does that look like to you?" He pointed at a figure on the laptop, and as my eyes landed on it, I felt my breath hitch._

_"Lukas..?" I stared at the screen. It looked like security camera footage, except it wasn't. It was a camera on a street. One of the boys managed to hack into it, it looked like._

_"Exactly. Now watch this." Craig muttered. He hit play and leaned back._

_I watched as Lukas walked up to a store and opened the door, then walked in. I stared at the screen in confusion. "Okay, what was the point of-"_

_"Watch it, John!" Ryan yelled, and I frowned, then nodded._

_"Okay, damn." I kept watching, and after a few moments, Lukas walked out of the store again. He had a concerned look on his face, and kept glancing from side to side. Soon, he backed up a bit, as if he had intentions to go back into the store. Before he could, a guy walked over to him, then pinned him against the wall._

_"What the fuck?" I watched as Lukas struggled to escape his grasp, and then he suddenly dropped, falling into the man's arms._

_"What the fuck!?" I repeated, then straightened and stared at Craig, who looked pretty confused. I raked my eyes over the rest of my friends, and they looked equally as confused as Craig._

_"Play it again. What the fuck happened? Why would he just drop like that?" I glanced at the screen again, and Delirious reached an arm forward, then started it over. He hit play, and we all watched in silence as the same thing happened._

_"Wait, did you see that?" Marcel suddenly muttered, and he moved forward, then went back a bit. He zoomed in on Lukas and the man, and then hit play. "Pay attention to Lukas' neck."_

_We watched, and I felt my skin crawl as the man put a needle up to Lukas' neck. Not even a second after, Lukas suddenly collapsed in his arms._

_"He fucking put him to sleep," Scott muttered, breaking the uneasy silence that had stretched over all of us._

_"And then this happens." Craig murmured, and he played the video again, except it started where I made them stop it._

_The guy threw Lukas over his shoulder and his eyes landed on the security camera. He lifted his hand and, with a flick of his wrist, the camera went out._

_Nobody said anything. Not a damn word came out of any of us for at least five minutes, until I spoke. "I think I'm going to fucking throw up."_

_They all looked at me and I ran my fingers through my hair, then stood up and started pacing. "So what you're fucking telling me, is he was kidnapped, by some psychopath that has magical fucking powers!?"_

_"That's.. that's what it looks like," Tyler said, quieter than he normally was. "And we don't have a clue where they went."_

_"So we fucking figure it out." I stopped and looked at them. "We live in a big ass city. People see things all the time. I'm sure that Lukas isn't the only one who's had to go through that. People are going to pick up on these things. We can google it, find answers, find people who have been working on this shit forever."_

_"John, that sounds like a fucking movie plot.." Evan murmured, frowning._

_"But it's not. It's not a movie. Which fucking terrifies me. But I don't know what they're doing to Lukas. All I know is that he's alive, and there's a chance that we can get him back. And I'm going to take that chance with everything in me, whether you guys are in or not."_

_"Of course we're in, John." Tyler said. Scotty nodded,_

_"Yeah. He's our friend, too. We need him back."_

That night, we all stayed over at Craig's, trying to figure out as much as we could. 

It was pointless, though.

You know how long it takes to plan a funeral? 

Yeah, not as long as I thought it did.

Two days, apparently. That's all they needed. Because they got the call three days ago, and then they called me.

_"Okay, so get this.. apparently, all of the other kids that have been 'taken' or whatever also have heterochromatic eyes, guys." Evan glanced at us, and I furrowed my eyebrows._

_"That's fucking weird." I said, chewing on my lower lip. My phone went off and I quickly grabbed it, glancing at the ID. "It's his mom. Let me take this."_

_I answered and put the phone to my ear, frowning. "Fiona?"_

_"No, it's Erick." His voice was low._

_"Oh, hey, sir. What happened? Is everything alright?" I asked, frowning as I noticed all of the guys looking at me._

_"We... it.. it's Lukas."_

_"Lukas?" I straightened, then stood up and started pacing. "What about him?"_

_"We found him. But- it's.. it's not what you wanted to hear. It's not what anybody wanted to hear." Erick sighed._

_"Not what I wanted to hear?" I asked, feeling a drop of fear land in the center of my chest. Then it spread, instantly, sending ripples of anxiety throughout my entire being. "Erick, what does that mean?" I stopped in my tracks._

_"He's.. he's gone, John." He spoke, his voice low and pained._

_I was quiet, but the tears weren't. They made their way down my face before I could stop them. I stumbled over to the wall, and then slumped against it, falling to the floor._

_"H-He's gone?" I managed to get out. I watched as Tyler left the room, tears already flowing down his face. Scotty stared at the floor in dead silence, and Marcel held him. He started crying soon after._

_"He's gone, John. I'm.. so sorry."_

_I dropped my phone, and sobbed. I hugged my knees to my chest, my entire body shaking. I couldn't breathe but I didn't want to. I didn't want to. I didn't want to fucking feel anything._

_Lukas was gone._

_The love of my life was dead._

And his funeral was today. January 9th, 2018.

I had to watch them put his fucking body in the ground. I didn't think I could do that. 

I had to speak. I had to fucking speak. I had to refer to Lukas in the past tense. Because he wasn't.. see? I just did it there. 

He's not here anymore. 

I wiped the tears off of my face as I heard a knocking on the door. "John? Can I come in?" 

"Yeah, mom." 

The door opened and I turned to see my mom in a blue dress. I felt a little pang of pain at my heart as I realized nobody would be wearing black.

A while ago, Lukas and I had a conversation about death.

_"It scares me, John. I don't want to die. I don't want to ever leave you, or my family, or our friends. I don't want to have to say goodbye." Lukas whispered, staring at the ground. We had found ourselves at our park again, after a long, random, late-night drive with no destination planned._

_I leaned over and kissed the side of his head. "Please don't worry about that right now. That won't happen for a long, long time, Lukas. I promise."_

_"But you can't really make that promise, can you? Because nobody knows what's going to happen, John. We're all just living here, on this rock, like fucking idiots, and blissfully ignorant of whatever the future may hold." He murmured, running his fingers through his hair. "I could die of a heart attack tomorrow. Or I could get into a car crash. Or I could fall and bust my head. Or I could-"_

_"Lukas, the probability of any of those things happening is extremely low." I said, frowning. "Don't let it get to you, buttercup."_

_"But it could happen. What if it happens and I don't get to say goodbye? What if I don't get to tell you I love you one last time?" At this point, Lukas was shaking. I leaned over and picked him up, then set him on my lap, and hugged him. He hugged me back, sniffling. "I'm so afraid, John."_

_"Do you have to cry? It's okay, Lukas. You can cry."_

_And he did. He cried into me, and shook, and sniffled, and clung to my shirt. I rubbed his back, and played with his hair, but I didn't tell him anything. Because I knew he had to let it out, and if I tried talking, it would only distract him._

_Soon, he pulled away, and kissed me. I kissed him back, and he sighed as he pulled away again. "John, if I ever die-"_

_"Lukas, please don't talk about that."_

_"No, listen to me, please." His sad, slightly puffy eyes met mine, and I nodded._

_"Okay, I'm listening."_

_"If I ever die, I don't want anyone to wear black. At my funeral, I mean. I want them to wear red, and I want them to wear blue. It doesn't matter who wears what. But that's all I want. I want red and blue. Because those colors represent me. They represent who I was. And I want people to remember who I was."  
_

_"Okay. If that happens, I'll make sure everyone wears red and blue. But it won't happen, okay? Not anytime soon. Not until we're old and gray." I leaned over and kissed his head again. He smiled._

_"Thank you."_

I think Lukas always had a feeling he wasn't going to be here long. Or maybe he thought his time was limited, but didn't know why. So he did his best with the time he had. He made people laugh, he made people smile, he made people feel love. 

I loved him. So much.

I glanced away from my mother and looked at the mirror again. I was wearing a red suit and a blue tie, as well as my rings. If I knew anything about Lukas, I knew he would kick my ass if I took them off. I glanced at my nails, which I had painted red and blue, and sighed. I turned around again and looked back at my mom.

"We've got to go now, John. The funeral starts in half an hour. We can't be late." She smiled at me. "Are you okay?" 

"Not really, mom." I shook my head, and she leaned in and hugged me. I hugged her back, and did my best not to cry. I couldn't. I had cried enough already. 

She soon pulled away, and took my hand. "Come on. Let's get going." 

We walked downstairs and outside, where my father was waiting. I shook my head as my eyes landed on Bella, who was parked in front of the house.

"Fiona and Erick thought Lukas would appreciate it if you drove his car to the funeral." My dad murmured, then handed me the keys. 

I shakily made my way to the car, and opened the driver's door. I put the keys in, then smiled as I heard her roar, as she came to life. "You really were perfect for Lukas, Bella. He loved you." 

My parents got in the back, and I rested my hands on the wheel. I shut my eyes, and steadied my breathing, then opened them again and pulled away. I started driving. 

We all sat in the car in silence, and time passed dramatically slow. Eventually, though, we made it to the funeral home, and I parked the car. "You two can go do whatever. I'll be with my friends." I murmured, then got out of the car and left, without waiting for a response. My eyes soon landed on my group of friends, who were all quietly talking, and I made my way over to them. 

"Hey, fuckers." I mumbled, and they all got quiet as they saw me. 

"Hey, John." Craig said, frowning. "You okay?"

"That's a stupid question, babe." Tyler rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry." Craig rubbed the back of his neck and I sighed. 

"It's fine. I just.. want this day to pass by quickly." I glanced at the ground, and they all shared their quiet agreements.

We quietly talked for a while, and then it was time.

We took our seats and watched as someone started talking. I didn't know who it was, and I didn't care. I just cared that they did their job right.

"You'll have ten minutes to say goodbye, and then the body will be buried, after we hear a remembrance speech." 

Everyone dispersed and made their way to the casket, and I stayed in my seat, staring at the ground. Scotty walked over to me, and sat on my left, and Tyler came over and sat on my right. The two of them were Lukas' best friends, and I couldn't imagine how they were feeling.

"Hey, John. I'm sorry if this is disrespectful, but I'm a little confused about all of this." Scotty murmured suddenly, and I frowned, glancing at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, rubbing at the back of my neck. Tyler sat up, glancing at Scott.

"If we're talking about the same thing, then I feel the same way." He said.

I glanced at him. "What are you guys talking about?"

"We saw Lukas get kidnapped, and figured out that there's a whole.. group of people that have been kidnapping people like him. That have heterochromatic eyes. And all of a sudden, Lukas turns up dead? And the police don't try to follow up on it?" Tyler said, staring at the ground.

"I think all of us have been thinking it, but obviously nobody wanted to say anything." Scotty said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "I mean, fuck, we could totally be wrong, but this still doesn't make sense to me. None of it does." 

"Lukas is dead, guys. What are we supposed to do about it?" I sighed. "There's nothing we can do." 

"We can figure out what happened, at least. Don't we owe it to him?" Tyler picked his head up and glanced at me. My gaze landed on the casket and we watched as our friends said their goodbyes to Lukas. I soon tore my gaze off of it and rested it on the ground again.

"I.. I mean. Yeah, I guess we do." I sighed.

"Now, if everyone would please take their seat, we'll have a speech and then the burial will take place." 

I felt my stomach drop and I lifted my gaze. I had to talk. Fuck.

I stood up and made my way over to the podium, then cleared my throat, taking out a little piece of paper in my pocket. I stared at it, then shook my head and crumpled it up, throwing it to the side. 

"I wrote a speech, initially. I was going to say it here, but it felt fake. I couldn't really describe Lukas on pencil and paper, because he was so much more than that." I started, resting my eyes on the audience in front of me. I noticed that all of our friends were sitting together, except for Tyler and Scott, who hadn't moved back to their original seats.

"Lukas. How do I describe him? Well, for starters, he was... the love of my life. I fell in love with him the day I actually started talking to him. He was such an amazing person, and his purity radiated off of him from the start." I spoke, stumbling over my words a few times. "He always had the best intentions. He wanted the best for everyone around him. Lukas didn't have the easiest life. He had a lot of rough patches, and he didn't like a lot of things about.. well, about himself. But I couldn't believe him, because whenever I looked at him there wasn't a single thing I didn't love. Lukas went through a lot of bad things, but he survived them all. Every mistake he made, or every wrong door he opened, he got back up from. He grew better from it. He grew stronger."

I coughed into my arm and tried to fight back the tears that were blurring my vision. "He was the best person I'd ever met. He was such.. an insanely.. good.. person. He was so good. Like, an honestly, pure person, who only ever wanted the best for everyone he knew. It's so hard to come across people like that, you know? And once I realized who he really was, I knew I never wanted to lose him." 

The tears came flowing down anyways, and I made no move to wipe them off of my face. I kept talking, though. "He was so funny. He made everyone laugh, all the time, even if he wasn't really trying. He was so talented, and so intelligent. I remember telling him that he could be whatever he wanted to be, because he was  _that_ person." 

I started shaking slightly, and I lowered my gaze onto the podium in front of me. "Lukas took everything into consideration. He thought of everyone before he made choices. He realized that every single thing mattered. Every single person mattered. Every little bug mattered. Every little flower mattered. Every animal mattered. But I don't think he ever realized how much he mattered." 

I took a moment to catch my breath, and then I continued. "He told me he was afraid of death. That he was afraid of never being able to see us again. Being afraid of not being able to tell me he loved me one last time. And it hurts. It hurts like a motherfucker, knowing I won't be able to look at him and tell him how much I love him, or to hold his hand, or to kiss him. But I'll always remember him. And that's what this is about. Remembering him. Because Lukas didn't spend eighteen years on this planet, pouring his heart and soul into everything he did, just to be forgotten about. I want to make sure he stays in all of your hearts. Forever. Because he deserves it. He deserves it. He really does." 

I glanced at the audience, and noticed that a lot of people had started crying. I gripped onto the podium as I finished talking. "If there's anything you want to take away from this, I just want you to remember him. Don't forget about him. Please. Because he was the most amazing person I have ever met. He changed my life. Let him change yours. Remember who he was and strive to be like him. Lukas said perfection was subjective, and that it didn't really exist. So I told him, maybe he was right, but he was my version of perfection. Be like that. Be someone's version of perfection." 

I sighed. "Thank you." 

The audience broke into loud applause and as I stepped away from the podium, my eyes landed on the boy in the casket. I felt pain course throughout me, and then I felt myself grow cold as I landed on the ring, on his left ring finger. 

It wasn't the one I had given him. 

Close, yes, but not that one. That wasn't his promise ring.

I tore my gaze off of it and onto his face, then noticed his lack of freckles.

I felt sick.

I sat back down, shaking, and Scott and Tyler looked at me, with tears running down their faces. They instantly noticed something was wrong. 

"John, what happened? You look sick." Tyler frowned.

"The boy in the casket... that's not Lukas."

 

**the end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHOENIX = BOOK 2


End file.
